I was 15 years old in 1991. My friends and I were into straight edge hardcore music. Bands like Minor Threat, Youth of Today, Gorilla Biscuits, etc. We decided to start a band of our own, called U.R.N. I’m not even sure the name had a meaning. Something about “urine” or maybe something like “you are in” or even just the word “urn”. Honestly I’m not sure.

We did pretty well for a bunch of troublemaking underachievers. We wrote a few songs, recorded a demo, and played a handful of gigs. The place we played most often was the legendary Star Club (now gone forever) in Ybor City/Tampa. Green Day played on the same stage that summer. (Anal Cunt also played there around that time, and the Genitorturers, etc etc).

Anyway - my old pal Code Brown found a cassette of the URN demo and mailed it to me. I ripped the songs to mp3 and threw them on a MySpace page. You’ll notice I’m credited on the demo as “Ulysses”. That was sort of a nickname at the time. A rare few still call me that. Oh! - And you’ll see “Chris W” credited as part of the URN choir. That’s Chris Wollard from Hot Water Music. Yes I’m a name dropper - suck it!

The mp3’s sound like balls. I need to try to get a better rip. But that’s the best I could do for now.

Check it out on MySpace: URN

A few years ago… maybe in 2004 or so… my niece Jill told me that she communicated with her friends primarily through instant messaging. She would sit at her computer for hours just typing away to other teenagers out there in internetland somewhere. I thought it seemed weird. Why wouldn’t they just talk on the phone like normal people?

Then a couple months later, my pal Ev told me about his blog. He and his friends were posting personal stories and whatnot on some random website every day for complete strangers to read. Super odd. Why would anyone want to share their personal shit with the world? And who cared enough to read about it?

And around that same time in my life, I had one email account that I checked maybe once a week. If someone needed to reach me, it would be more efficient to drive to my house and knock on my door than to email me. They’d get a faster response anyway.

I really don’t know what changed, but it happened very quickly. I joined Ev’s blog, then another, then started my own. I set up separate email accounts for my various websites. I tested the waters with a few different instant messaging systems. Blah blah blah.

Now I’m fucking addicted. I have a cell phone that buzzes every time I receive an email to any one of my 5 email accounts. I have profiles on who knows how many social networking sites (MySpace is the only one I pay any attention to). I communicate via IM every chance I get. I far prefer it over the phone. In fact, my entire relationship with my fiancee Lulu was forged via IM. And even when I do use my phone, I almost always send a text message instead of calling.

I have a few friends that are like me in this sense. Web addicted. And there are others who still check their email maybe once a week or don’t necessarily respond to emails when they read them. Somehow I’ve lost that ability. If I get an email, I usually respond within minutes.

I really had no idea where I was going with all of this rambling… but I just thought of a good way to wrap this all up: If you are my friend and I don’t call you as often as I probably should, maybe try sending me an email or a text. Or look for me on Google chat. Or hit me up on MySpace. Or leave a comment on my blog. I’ll respond.

“Brunch.” That term sounds so innocent. Yuppies hanging out eating quiche. But no. It’s like a code word for “alcohol with breakfast.”

Sure it starts innocent with a mimosa or two. But before you know it, you’ve downed a couple of screwdrivers followed up with an IPA (because beer tastes fantastic with eggs).

By then it’s well past lunchtime and you’re ready to start thinking ahead to dinner. Maybe a couple more beers, or maybe you even crack open a bottle of wine. And with that kind of buzz going your judgment begins to slip and suddenly whiskey is not entirely out of the question.

Then Monday morning rolls around and you wonder what happened to Sunday.

Brunch can be dangerous. Just sayin’.

Here are some recent favorites:

Tokyo Police Club - Your English Is Good

The New Pornographers - Myriad Harbour

Two Hours Traffic - Nighthawks

Also check out Joel Plaskett Emergency, Small Sins, Metric, etc.

Soon after we finished our set yesterday at Obamafest, we sat down for a beer next door at The Fire. A woman approached us wearing a Barack Obama t-shirt with a clipboard in her hand. Actually, I’m not certain she was a woman - she might have been some sort of troll. A bloated, pimply faced, middle-aged troll.

Troll: “You wanna volunteer to support Obama Tuesday at on of the local polling places?”
Me: “No thanks.”
Troll: “Oh I see. I guess you’re not really committed to the cause.”
Me: “Actually, my band just played a few minutes ago at Obamafest.”
Troll: “And that’s where your commitment ends?”
Me: “Yeah, sounds about right.”
Troll: “A lot of people are jumping on the Obama bandwagon because it’s the cool thing to do.”
Me: “Okay….”
Troll: “So you still don’t want to volunteer?”
Me: “Uh… No.”

Now I’m not saying anything against Obama here. But man - where are all the Obama babes I keep hearing about? Instead, I run into the runt of the litter.

About the title of this post… I have no proof whatsoever for that. Shit, he could be hung like an acorn for all I know. I just wanted to get your attention.

And as my brother told me last week, “Obama is the most far left wing liberal candidate out there. No one in their right mind would vote for him.” So - Everyone make sure to vote for Obama. We need a liberal candidate on the ballot in November. Moderates are for sissies.

Hello party people,

I know it’s been a while. I was in a fiery plane crash over the antarctic. But thanks to the wonders of cannibalism, I survived.

I really don’t know where I’m going with this…. Oh yeah - Hang out with us this Sunday! We’re playing Obamafest at 4th and Girard in Philly. It’s from noon to 7 and we’ll probably play around 2pm. See below for the press release and whatnot.

Later,
JJ

_________________________

On Sunday April 20th a free OBAMAFEST CONCERT AND RALLY will be held
at 4th and Girard Avenue in Northern Liberties. Event co-sponsors
Curbside Chef are donating their spacious lot to host the concert,
which will feature some of Philly’s brightest artists with music as
diverse as the city itself. Grammy award winning Cee Knowledge of the
Digable Planets will share the stage with legendary drummer Calvin
Weston, mellow hipsters The Buried Beds, alt rockers Surgeon, among
many others.

The concert will bring Philly bands together in support of Senator
Obama’s candidacy for the Presidency as the battleground hits home
this coming Tuesday April 22nd. Event co-sponsor Fire Productions,
who has taken an active part in democratic voter registration,
continues to support the natural relationships between the arts and
political activism. The goal is to bring as many democratic voters
together and to raise enthusiasm to participate in Tuesday’s election.

In addition to the music, the event will host Obama volunteer
registration tables, speakers on behalf of the Obama campaign,
catering by Curbside Chef and Las Cazuelas, and vendors of arts and
crafts.

The line up for the concert is:
The Codes
Calvin Weston Trio
Surgeon
John Francis
Cee Knowledge
Drink Up Buttercup
Anam Owili-Eger
Murderhouse
Victor Victor Band
The Co Champs
Unlikely Cowboy
Buried Beds
Andrew Lipke
Papertrees

I need some new material. Mitch Hedberg died three years ago (March 29, 2005) and I’m still quoting his shit. Just the other day, my girlfriend made waffles for breakfast and I couldn’t help telling her that “I like fruit on my waffles so I can have something to brush off.” And of course I explained that “waffles are pancakes with a syrup trap.” I’m a hack.

Is there a 12-step program for cell phone addiction? Because I’m obsessed with my T-Mobile Dash.

The thing has Windows Mobile, so it syncs with my Outlook email and calendar. I’ve also hooked it up to my 3 active gmail accounts. And this phone has the worst of all evils - Bubble Breaker.

So not only does the thing buzz every time I get a phone call - It also goes off every time I get a personal email, a work email, or a meeting reminder. I carry it everywhere I go. I email from my car. I surf the internet in the elevator. I play Bubble Breaker at band practice.

Even when I’m in a room with other people, I’ve got my face buried in this little screen interacting with the outside world. I’m so connected that I may never have to have a face to face conversation ever again.

(Pic borrowed from Ubergizmo)

This “blog” has taken on a life of its own. Like Frankenstein’s monster, it is torturing and pillaging without conscience. I haven’t posted anything here in three weeks, but still this place gets new comments every day. And what are these total strangers commenting on? What important topics have I covered over the past three years that keep drawing in the dregs of society?

Why do guys like porn?
Do women like giving blowjobs?
Masturbation euphemisms
Albino porn doesn’t exist (it really does!)

Obviously the highest of high-brow advice and humor… What have I done? I’ve created a monster!

Check out some of the recent comments. You’ll pinch a loaf in your shorts.

This is a voicemail from Ian, the guy who sings in The Codes:
Continue Reading »

Jimpony submitted this evidence that the apocalypse is upon us: Hot Chicks with Douchebags. The guys in these photos should be put to sleep. Douchebaggery is punishable by death.

Thanks to all of you who made it out to The Fire to see The Codes‘ first Philly gig in like 6 months. We took a little break to write new material and spend more time jerking off (solo - not as a group). And we rearranged our lineup: we have a new bass player, I’m playing drums now, and Rennie’s on guitar. Ian’s still Ian. Well sort of. Ian’s hormone therapy is finally starting to kick in and his sexual reassignment surgery is scheduled for this summer. So he’s still Ian at least for the next few months.

The new lineup really worked for us. The venue was packed and the booker seemed psyched. The audience was into it too - they even chanted for an encore (which we gladly delivered). I’m hoping this leads to gigs at bigger venues. We’re trying to play maybe every six weeks instead of a couple times every month. That should give us time to cut an album. Fuck, maybe we’ll even plan a tour.

Email us (thecodesmusic AT gmail DOT com) if you want to be included on our retarded spam email that we send every once in a while when we’re not feeling lazy. And tell all your friends to add us on MySpace. I mean it. This is mandatory. Or don’t. Whatever.

Here’s a way to kill a few minutes today while you’re pretending to work…

Yankee/Dixie Quiz

I scored 77% which puts me well into the Dixie range. I reckon I’m a true southerner, y’all.

Enjoy, douchebags.

I think that means you drink for free if a riot breaks out… which I guess is sorta obvious.

Anyway - The Codes aren’t dead. We simply took a break. Now we’re back. Come see us Saturday Feb 2 at The Fire in Philly. I’ll be wearing the gayest t-shirt of all time. Oh - and check out our new songs.

This is like every conference call I’ve ever been a part of at work, except for the part about licking balls.