Disgusting story with a happy ending
No not that kind of happy ending. You are a sick sick pervert. This story is from a person named Alexandria - which kind of seems weird to me because that's also the name of a city. She posted this as a comment, but I think it deserves its very own post.
Ok so a really hot boy asked me on a date i had been waiting for him to do this for months so when he did i of course said YES!! (little did i know it was on a boat and i get VIOLENTLY!! sick on boats) so we got to the dock and i wanted to say something but i decided that i would be ok so i got on the boat. later i started to feel a little sick but not to bad so i STILL didn't say anything! he turned to kiss me and i leaned in but suddenly it felt like i had gotten punched in the gut and i knew i was going to puke so i turned but i didn't turn fast enough so i ended up puking in his mouth! it was terrible finally i turned and puked into the water. then i turned back to him in time to see him puking off the side of the boat also! it was SO embarrassing! i ended up puking and dry heaving about 5 more times before we got back and he puked one more time......
it was mortifying but he called me back in about a week and we got married 5yrs l8r !!!!!!
Congrats, Alexandria. You married the kind of guy who doesn't mind tasting someone else's puke. Tee hee.
The Codes on Facebook – Philadelphia Indie Rock
I just uploaded a shitload of new pics to my band's Facebook page. You can stalk me there if you think that sort of thing is fun.
One of the ways in which women are more efficient than men
When a dude goes to the bathroom at work to take a piss, he'll walk up to the urinal and let it flow. During that act, he might think to himself, "I sorta feel a shit coming on. Yep, something's brewing." He's gotta finish his piss - possibly while clenching a little to hold back the solid waste - and then he'll have to go to a stall to sit down and let loose. Not very efficient.
When women are pissing and they feel the urge to drop logs, they simply let it go right then and there. See? Efficiency.
When is it okay to punch a kid in the face?
Is it ever acceptable to clench your fist, cock your arm back, and smash a kid right in the jaw? No? What if he's 17, taller than you, and he just stole an old lady's purse then knocked her to the ground? See, I knew I could convince you.
There are plenty of scenarios that could fall into this gray area. Just think of some crazy shit - like a teenage serial killer who took your family hostage. You might be ethically justified in teaching him a lesson.
Hmmm... Is that even legal though? Let's say you see your daughter's 16-year-old asshole boyfriend punch her in the jaw like that dude who socked Snooki. Could you get arrested for punching him back? What if you catch a teenager trying to steal your wallet? Could you face jail time for giving him a black eye?
The thought came to me recently on the way home from work. Center City Philly. It's dark out and I'm walking through a sketchy part of town. I see a group of questionable teenagers roughhousing on in the street. I thought - what if these kids decide to start fucking with me? A lone white guy quietly walking through their neighborhood with no other adults in sight. Truth is, they'd destroy me in a fight. But I could probably manage to land a couple of jabs.
So in that scenario - what happens legally? A group of 15 and 16-year-old boys. A couple of them with black eyes, maybe even one with a broken nose. Then a 34-year-old yuppie beaten to a pulp. Would I face charges?
Okay, that's enough setup. Most of you probably agree there are instances where a kid might deserve an uppercut to the jaw. Now that I've roped you in - consider these situations:
- You're on the bus and you see a kid call an old lady a bitch.
- Two kids walk up to you yelling racial slurs then start pushing you, trying to start something.
- You walk outside late at night and catch a kid reaching the broken glass of your car's window, trying to steal your shit.
- You're walking on the sidewalk, when a car full of teenagers drive by slowly and throw a bag of shit at your face - then they are forced to stop half a block ahead because of traffic.
Punch or no punch? And what's the age limit? For any of the scenarios above? Maybe it's easy to say you'd knock out a 17-year-old thug. But what if he's 16, 15... 14?
Santa prepares you for the free market
On this Christmas Eve, I give you an excerpt from Rant: An Oral Biography of Buster Casey by Chuck Palahniuk. The passage teaches us how important it is to believe in Santa Claus. It's the first step in understanding capitalism.
By first believing in Santa Claus, then the Easter Bunny, then the Tooth Fairy, Rant Casey was recognizing that those myths are more than pretty stories and traditions to delight children. Or to modify behavior. Each of those three traditions asks a child to believe in the impossible in exchange for a reward. These are stepped-up tests to build a child's faith and imagination. The first test is to believe in a magical person, with toys as the reward. The second test is to trust in a magical animal, with candy as the reward. The last test is the most difficult, with the most abstract reward: To believe, trust in a flying fairy that will leave money.
From a man to an animal to a fairy.
From toys to candy to money. Thus, interestingly enough, transferring the magic of faith and trust from sparkling fairy-dom to clumsy, tarnished coins. From gossamer wings to nickels... dimes... and quarters.
In this way, a child is stepped up to greater feats of imagination and faith as he or she matures. Beginning with Santa in infancy, and ending with the Tooth Fairy as the child acquires adult teeth. Or, plainly put, beginning with all the possibility of childhood, and ending with an absolute trust in the national currency.
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