Mysterious Voices

Last night, I got into the elevator at my apartment building and hit the button for my floor. Suddenly, I heard a mysterious and overly cheery voice, but there was no one else in the elevator with me. The voice said, "Are you in debt?"

It should have been obvious what was happening, but I was a little thrown off. I immediately thought of the scene in Real Genius where that asshole dork thinks God is talking to him.

Anyway, the voice continued. "Debt Solutions can help. We just have a few quick questions to get you started toward financial freedom. Please hold and a representative will be with you shortly."

So, okay, it was not the voice of God. It was a telemarketing computer dialer that accidentally called the emergency phone in the elevator. Very strange. The elevator reached my floor and I got out.

I can just imagine what that conversation would have been like if the rep picked up the line while I was still in there.

Rep: "Good evening. I have just a few quick questions to help you on your way toward financial freedom."
Me: "Yeah, the computer said that a second ago."
Rep: "First, who am I speaking with?"
Me: "Shouldn't that be 'with whom?'"
Rep: "Sir, are you the head of your household?"
Me: "Um, do you mean the guy in charge of this elevator?"
Rep: "Ahh... Are you the primary decision maker in your family?"
Me: "Well, no. I mean, I'm married. I'm a man. So, no."
Rep: "Is the head of your household available?"
Me: "My wife is home. I could yell for her, but she probably wouldn't hear me from here."
Rep: "What would be the best time for me to call back to speak with her?"
Me: "Well, shit I don't know. There are four elevators in my building. The odds of her being in this elevator when you call back are really slim."
Rep: "I don't understand. Why would I want her to be in the elevator?"
Me: "So you could talk to her, duhhh."
Rep: "I'll call back another time. Thank you."
Me: "Good luck I guess. If she's in here when you call back, I'll be impressed."

Wow. For a fake conversation, that went on a little too long. I seriously need a job.