Happy Slapping
May. 12, 2005 by Jason
You’ve probably heard of this. The Today Show ran a story on it, and BBC online has something about it. But in case you’re not familiar, let me explain.
Overly cocky, secretly self-abhorring teenage boys are randomly slapping strangers in public, making sure a friend captures the event on a cell phone video-cam. The video then makes its way to internet forums, etc. They call it “happy slapping.” It’s mainly a British phenomenon at this point, but it could certainly spread to the U.S. in time.
The problem is, these attacks are not happy. They’re far from happy. They’re cruel, and the kids responsible for them are heartless bastards who deserve a beat-down.
See, I live in a big city. I know I’m facing potential danger at times, like riding the subway alone late at night or walking alone in certain parts of the city. That’s why I don’t bring my wallet everywhere. Just my ID and enough cash to spend wherever I’m going. I also carry pepper-spray. Trust me, I’m not paranoid. I simply read the news. I want to be prepared.
So let’s say one of these bastards sneaks up and slaps me while his buddy catches it on camera. You know what else he’ll catch on that video? Me kicking the living shit out of his friend.
I know it’ll end up becoming a two against one fight. But even if they decide to team up on me, at least I would get a few solid blows in first before getting my ass kicked. And I’d still have my dignity. Plus, if I had fast enough reflexes to grab the pepper spray, they’d both be going down.
I know this seems hateful, but it’s the truth. If this trend makes its way to the U.S. these fuckers are in for some serious pain. I can only image what Ev would do to them.
Side note for those who clicked on the link to the BBC article: Can you believe there’s a show called Dirty Sanchez?!?
May 12th, 2005
Most likely, I’d grab the guy who slapped me and toss him to the ground. Hold him down and start to slappin. I mean, really fucking hard open palmed strike-slaps.
If his buddy wanted to jump in, they I’d just take them both down as quickly as possible and avoid killing them in a fit of “bruce lee” rage.
May 12th, 2005
Those kinds of punks deserve a beatdown for their actions. You can believe if they pull this stunt in Houston, they’ll feel the wrath of my Jedi skillz!
As for the Dirty Sanchez show, they say “stunts are carried out under the supervision of health and safety professionals.” It’s pooh for crying out loud. Dirty pooh. Yuck.
May 12th, 2005
I don’t feel safe on the streets on my own, and I live in a nice neighbourhood. I have heard worse stories than just slapping (if that’s all you’re talking about). There have been stories on the news about gangs of people going out and beating up anyone they find and capturing it all on tape. It makes me sick. It’s fucking disgusting. And if any fucker tried that on with me I would go Uma Turman on their ass (like in Kill Bill, you understand).
Oh, and Dirty Sanchez, pathetic. I liked watching Jackass, and this is a crappy imitation (excuse the pun Thao)
Rant over, love T x
May 12th, 2005
i’ve had worse happen to me back home in dublin - it seems to be “in” to spit on people in public these days, at least in the area i’m from.
oh, and dirty sanchez used to be hilarious in the very early days.
May 12th, 2005
Ev, I had a feeling you’d go off on them.
Thao, Jedi skillz indeed.
TS, random acts of violence - that’s just insane. Uma would surely run ‘em down in the Pussy Wagon.
Marie, someone actually spit on you? That’s horrible. Bastards, I tell you, bastards!
May 12th, 2005
Holy crap! I have never heard of this! I live in the country but I grew up in a bad neighborhood of a city so I never feel safe walking alone. Sure puts a new twist on the saying “a spanking good time”!
May 12th, 2005
Yeah, Robin, it’s just horrible. As if we didn’t already have enough to worry about when walking in the city alone.
May 12th, 2005
See, JJ, this will NEVER happen to you in Philly because these kids would seriously have to worry about getting shot. In the UK, you can’t own a pistol, let alone carry it legally, so even burglars nowadays are back to just knives and small hatchets, because they don’t need guns to get the upper hand anymore. But watch, some “good kid who got in with the wrong crowd” will slap someone and get his ass shot, and it’ll be all over the news.
May 13th, 2005
Good point, Mike. In Philly, you never know who’s packing.
May 13th, 2005
Where I come from - and likely where you all do, too - there’s a word for this: assault. Mike’s absolutely right that in this day and age, your best bet is to keep to yourself and avoid strangers entirely. You just never know.
The fact that they capture it on their cell phone cameras is a good thing for the rest of us, as the results will serve as evidence when they are inevitably arrested.
Just when you think the world’s total volume of stupidity can’t grow, along comes something else to shatter the illusion.
May 13th, 2005
That’s what I thought too, Carmi. The BBC article doesn’t even mention anyone getting arrested for this!
May 13th, 2005
Assault my ass. some kid slaps me, he’s getting a broken nose. No pressing charges, no cops, just good, ‘ol school “Don’t be a dumbass, dumbass!”
Ev knows what I’m talkin’ ’bout. Straight up Punishment.
May 13th, 2005
They compared it to Jackass. Hmm, if I’m not mistaken Johnny Knoxville & Stevo primarily stunt on each other, especially those insanely painful ones, not the random public at large.
(hee hee, Robin said holy crap - would that be a dirty sanchez from a priest?)
May 13th, 2005
Mike, I think Carmi’s saying the “slappers” are guilty of assault and should be arrested. That doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t also deserve a beating. It’s self defense, right? It damn well should be.
“Robin said holy crap - would that be a dirty sanchez from a priest?” Classic! Sar, you rock.
May 13th, 2005
JJ–yeah, i meant “assault, no, i would press assault charges, i’d just beat ‘em down”. and yes, it is assault. but only if the cops know about it.
Dang. “holy crap”. that’s just wrong. incredibly hilarious, but wrong.
May 13th, 2005
Wow. Try slapping somebody in Texas. You’re liable to get shot. We’re all about dignity down here. Dignity and bullets.
May 13th, 2005
I know, G-Fry. Between you and Thao, Texas is ready to fight back!
May 13th, 2005
I saw this on the Today show the other week. It was an amusing way to wake up. It was one of those stories that I would have loved to share with the old crews, but alas… *SNIFF*
By the way, they are using public camera and their websites to try to catch them , but apparently they have only filed charges on one individual… Of course that was a few days ago.
“Don’t Mess with Texas!”
May 14th, 2005
Travis, I’m glad you stopped by. I checked out your blog. I forgot you were such a huge Daria fan.
May 15th, 2005
I got 20 on you, JJ. And no, don’t apologize for feeling hateful. Like me, you have no tolerance for bullies. Bullies deserve to have their asses kicked with a steel toe boot and their clocks cleaned.
I’ve been meaning to post my feelings regarding events like this. Because things like this situation and nearly all tragic ones you hear one the news have one thing in common. For the most part they all involve bullies.
I don’t have a hateful bone in my body but there is something deep within me that cannot for anything relate to these bastards. And I can relate to just about anything, enough that I don’t find hate sitting in my heart like a timebomb waiting to go off. But for those mofo’s I feel it’s pretty damn close.
okay, I rambled like a freak, had way too much sugar, and am way up past bedtime without alcohol absorption in the capillarie beds. Done.
May 15th, 2005
Desult, you and I are on the same page. Rock on.
May 16th, 2005
: )
May 16th, 2005
Dear god… I hope this starts happening in the USA. I hate teens enough as it is - all I need is an excuse.
May 16th, 2005
You know it, Maine. Sometimes you just gotta fight back.
September 3rd, 2005
Two words why this would be a clusterfuck. “Concealed Carry.” And if the armed person went to throw down, they’d be legally in the wrong. A slap is not an attack with deadly force.
I wonder how the judge would rule on a .410 pistol charged with rock salt instead of shot.