This is not a Cry for Help
filed in Personal on Jun.01, 2005
An exchange between two of friends over the holiday weekend sparked this somewhat depressing post about drinking:
Saturday evening, while sipping Glenmorangie on the rocks.
J.Mo: “This is a smooth scotch. It has a hint of sweetness.”
Lars: “Yeah, I love it. But I gotta take it easy. Been drinking all day.”
J.Mo: “How many beers did you have?”
Lars: “I don’t know. I don’t keep track. Do you know how many you had?”
J.Mo: “No, I guess not.”
It’s definitely strange to keep exact records of every drink you’ve had over the course of a party or a night out. That’s something a high schooler would do so he could brag to his friends at school on Monday. But I wondered if I could recollect how many I had that day. It actually wasn’t very difficult. The drinks were pretty well spaced apart, so I wasn’t completely tanked.
First, a little back-story. My lady and I went to Austin, TX to visit a few old friends over the Memorial Day weekend. We indulged. Saturday, we went to lunch, went tubing on the Guadalupe River, went out to dinner, then headed to my best good buddy’s house for drinks and conversation.
So here goes - my Saturday alcohol intake, drink by drink (in present tense with incomplete sentences because it just sounds cooler):
- Noon: Negra Modelo with lunch at a Mexican restaurant in Austin.
- Noon-thirty: One more Negra Modelo with lunch.
- 3:00pm: On the way to the river, we’ve got a cooler full of American light beer on ice. One Bud Light.
- 3:30pm: One Bud Light.
- 4:00pm: One Bud Light.
- 5:00pm: We pull up to the river. The cooler gets its own tube. 7 of us floating along, more than 30 beers left. One Bud Light on the river.
- 5:30pm: One Bud Light.
- 6:00pm: One Coors Light.
- 6:30pm: One Coors Light.
- 7:30pm: We hit the end of the river run. We dry off and walk to the nearest restaurant, which is actually quite good. Waiting for a table. One Dos Equis.
- 8:00pm: We’re seated. Dinner arrives. One Dos Equis.
- 8:30pm: One last Dos Equis with dinner.
- 10:00pm: Ah, the ride back into town provides a short break from drinking. Then we get to Lars’ house. Lars and J.Mo begin to pour themselves a little 15 year Glenmorangie. Lars offers me the scotch of my choice. I spy a bottle of 17 year Deanston. One scotch on the rocks.
- 11:00pm: Back at my best good buddy’s place. Everyone gets cleaned up. I find a 4-pack of Guinness Draught in those cool CO2 cans in the fridge. One Guinness.
- 11:30pm: One more Guinness because it’s just so damn good.
- 12:00am: Lars shows up with the Deanston. He is the fucking coolest. I gladly pour myself one scotch on the rocks.
- 12:00am: A beer back to go with the scotch. One Dos Equis.
- 1:30am: I’m slowing down. You’ve got to nurse that Deanston anyway. It’s too good to knock back. Time for one last beer to sip on. One Dos Equis. Then it’s off to bed around 2:30 or 3:00.
Pretty disturbing. I’m not bragging, trust me. I know it’s depressing. I do think it shows I paced myself. It was nowhere near a challenge to remember any part of the day. So that’s 18 alcoholic beverages in 15 hours. That’s 1.2 per hour. Somehow that doesn’t seem too terribly awful to me.
June 1st, 2005
Ohhh, Austin is such a great city! When I lived in the area, I never did get to do the Guadalupe. Last year there was talk that they were gonna make it a non-drinking river! Blasphemy!
June 1st, 2005
You are definitely an alcoholic.
June 1st, 2005
Whassat Ossifer? My name is mudd.
June 1st, 2005
the most depressing thing about this post is that i don’t remember asking lars how many drinks he had and i didn’t even think i was that drunk by that point.
now, to calculate how many drinks i had that day. 1 classic margarita on the rocks, 1 frozen watermelon margarita, 3 bud light on the 2-hour journey in traffic. piss pit stop, 1 more bud light. at least 4 on the river (can’t say for certain). 1 terrible margarita. uh, what was my next drink? either a scotch & soda or another margarita. at dinner, i took a much needed break from drinking. 1 hour nap in the car. ok ready, back to drinking. 1 fabulous scotch and water at shoemaker’s. and 1 grand finale at frankie’s. what’s that now? 14. whoa. i’m such a drunk.
June 1st, 2005
I’m impressed with your recollection. Lemme try my Saturday…
7pm Stubbs BBQ - 1 Fosters oil can
7.5 another
8.5 Dinner at Bitter End and a house IPA
9 another
9.75 downstairs to the B Side and another
10.5 Gingerman and I can’t recall what beer
I think there was one more before the storm blew in and we left, but there might not have been. Damn.
OK, so that was off the top of my head, but it’s pretty typical retention be it beer or food or anything non-surprising that happens.
This was fun, I sure hope I remember doing it.
June 1st, 2005
That’s really not bad at all. Mostly beer and a lot of lights. You’re very, very far from being an alkie. Highly impressive on the recall though.
June 1st, 2005
Yeah, Eddie, I love it there. I really need to make Austin an annual trip.
Ev, as you and I have discussed before, you are absolutely right.
Luckily, Sar, we did not have any conversations with police officers.
Sounds like you and I were keeping pretty much the same pace, J.Mo. But you called it quits before I did. I win. One to nothing.
Right on, Neighbor. That storm was so sudden. Within a few seconds, it was flat out pouring. We simply moved the party indoors and the drinking continued.
Thanks for the support, Jackie. I knew you’d have my back.
June 2nd, 2005
Alcoholics go to AA.
You’re just a drunk.
June 2nd, 2005
Naw, he’s not a drunk. Just a lush.
June 2nd, 2005
If no one was sobbing with their clothes off at the end of the river, it’s not a Real Tubing Adventure…and, sorry to tell ya, you’re not really a heavy drinker.
June 2nd, 2005
Words to live by, Mimi.
I’d say I’m probably both, Mike. I’ve got very little restraint.
You know that’s right, C Ro. But sometimes it takes a little Makers to reach the level of crying.
June 2nd, 2005
Ahhh. Good times.
June 2nd, 2005
It’s when you wake up and wonder how much you had last night, that’s the problem drinking right there.
Or when you wake up and there are several empty wine bottles in the kitchen and one dirty glass. You’re in trouble.
June 3rd, 2005
Ah, hell. I never remember how many drinks I had the night before, even if it was only two. Who’s counting? As HJS so eloquently put it, “Alcohol: The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.”
June 4th, 2005
Sigh. You are prematurely worrying, JJ. Listen. Being an alcohoolic takes dedication and perserverance. In order to qualify, you have to be self-medicating, i.e., doing it to numb some part o’ yo’sef that is too painful to handle sober.
I give a shit what A.A. and the experts say. Having a ‘tooth’ for alchohol and a ‘tolerance’ level for it are two birds - one rather large and stanky and the other, just listening to genetics and culture.
You were brought up around gormands and connessoirs (msp??) who matched wine/beer to viands, I’m wildly guessing, right?? (rolls eyes). Therefore, you and JMo have a bit of a sophisticated pallete (msp??) You are therefore drinking for the occaision and, didn’t I hear that you were envisite’ with dear friends? — celebrating the way we all do with the spirit of life??
Naw, no m’lady Mimi, yo is wong about JJ and JMo et Co. being Alchys! They is just socialable imbibers, nothing serious yet. Also, being aware of your intake says a tub of taters about your awareness on the sub! Drunks don’t think about it. They just do it.
I had two Alexander Hamilton dirty martinis t’other nite, followed by two glasses of a red-black wine with fish soup (bouilliabase) and a salat. Got there at 6-ish, got here at 11ish. Endured abasement a la’ Erik , and Alexander Hamilton M, saw artwork by a compadre of yours, showed her my new website: deepwatertradingco.com which is still a mess, needs redacting and work, and discussed LOL (little ole lady) aches, pains and surgery with two older Ems. Drove civily and responsibly home where I arrived happy, called my hosts to LTK that I got here.
Am I a drunk when I do this type activity? No. I’m a drunk if I swallow a 3 litre bottle of Olde Overcoat to numb out the fact I don’t know what my family is doing, lo these many months, years, decades. I’m a drunk if I’m living off the sugars in alch and not eating much. I’m a drunk if it affects my work, relationships or my health.
Relax. Have a watermelon margie and breathe. You have many shots to consume before you reach a ‘tolerance level’.
Queenie
Q can say more with 3,000 words than anyone wants 2 hear
June 5th, 2005
Um… yeah that’s happened to me, Nappy.
That’s a great Homer J quote, Alejo.
You’re probably right, Queenie. I do sort of fancy myself a connoisseur. I’ve tried dozens, if not hundreds of beers and I remember details about nearly all of them. I look at it almost as a hobby. Plus, I really like to get drunk.
June 7th, 2005
Holy crap, dude! I lose track after 3 now. There was one 7 or 8 hour period where I drank an 18 pack of coors…I know I’ll get hazed for that, but hell I was 19. Anyway, I was so wasted. The only reason I was able to keep track was because I was the only one not smoking, but drinking.
Props to ya for remembering the intake. Can I just say I like beer.
June 7th, 2005
Nectar of the gods.
June 8th, 2005
I can tell you how many drink I had over the entire Memorial Day weekend - a big fat zero. I haven’t been able to drink alcohol since December, due to an injury that keeps me looped on pain killers. It’s sad.
JJ, I don’t understand how your kidneys can take drinking so much booze without a little water thrown in…? If I drink two beers I need to drink a lot of water or my organs scream at me.
June 8th, 2005
I guess my body’s just used to the abuse, Poppy.
June 28th, 2007
oh…two years later and i still love this post. is it bad that last weekend sounded almost just like this one? good times.