You All Want to Smell Farts
Jun. 13, 2005 by Jason
My Lady and I were at the airport a couple of days ago, picking up some friends. We stopped in the airport bookstore. As we approached the checkout to pay for a magazine, the guy and gal who worked there were in the middle of a conversation about farts. Here’s how it went down:
Guy: “It’s true! Everyone wants to smell everyone else’s farts.”
Gal: “That’s dumb.”
Guy: “No, seriously. Think about it. When someone says they farted, you don’t run away immediately. You wait. You sniff a little bit. Then it hits you and you say, ‘Yeah, man, you totally farted.’”
Gal: “You’re being silly.”
*My lady and I approach the counter*
*Guy talks to us*
Guy: “I’m right, aren’t I? People want to smell farts.”
My Lady: “Maybe you should test out your theory.”
Gal: “Oh, he has. Just the other day, he farted, then took this little fan and blew his fart toward our manager.”
Guy: “Yeah, that was sweet.”
My Lady: “Did your manager want to smell it?”
Guy: “No, she was pretty mad.”
So, his experiment didn’t prove his hypothesis. I still think he’s right.
June 13th, 2005
I disagree to the nth degree. When someone announces to me that they farted, I take that to mean, “I farted and it’s gonna be bad.” So I scurry away.
June 13th, 2005
This guy’s thought was - there must be some innate biological curiosity to smell someone else’s fart. Kind of like when dogs smell each other’s asses.
June 13th, 2005
I completely disagree. If some munch tells me they just passed gas, I will cover my nose and mouth and run away. I will then come back, after the air has cleared, (meaning, the 10th time I have been told it was clear…because most people LIE about that), and proceed to tell the person what a douche bag they are. They then get all uppity and tell me it’s a natural reaction in the body. I know this. I’m not stupid. I also know you can hold the damn things in until it either bursts inside your gut or you find a more appropriate place to release. I’m still immature enough to think burping is hilarious but farting? Just foul.
June 14th, 2005
Gotta disagree on that one. I’ve got no interest in smelling strangers passage of gas. None at all.
Kicking it with your boys? Maybe. With your girl so you can clown her? Sure. Strangers? Fu*k that.
June 14th, 2005
I think there is a sick part of everyone that when someone does fart, they think… “could it be that bad, let me check”. Then when they do smell it they think one of two things… “man, this guy needs an enema” or “that’s not so bad, I let one go that was way worse earlier, but no one was around to smell it for the proof”. I tend to believe that when your sitting around alone, and you let the big one, you can get a type of depression that there is no one there to share it with you.
June 14th, 2005
Finally! Thank you, Michael!! I honestly don’t think the guy’s argument was totally crazy. It kinda makes sense to me.
June 14th, 2005
The guy’s argument was stolen. Eddie Murphy’s Raw, circa 1987.
June 14th, 2005
Damn! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen Raw - and I didn’t even notice.
June 14th, 2005
what baffles me… the tsa let’s these blokes past security… and the biohazard is never picked up by the “sensors”…
June 15th, 2005
I hate smelling farts!! though I don’t mind the smell of my own so much. My farts smell herbal fresh!
June 15th, 2005
PS I am also a Film grad, I invite you to read my Monday post, Attack of the sex starved film teacher
June 15th, 2005
The only farts I want to smell are my own. If I accidentally smell anyone else’s I’m disgusted. The worst is when my cats jump on my lap and fart in my face. Why, why?!
June 15th, 2005
You’re hoping for lights and sirens, Trav?
MrsMogul, your film teacher sounds nearly as odd as one of mine. The guy who taught my screenwriting class insisted that he saved Lee Harvey Oswald’s life when they were kids. If he wasn’t there to help the kid - Kennedy may have been around a bit longer.
Animals are just cruel that way, Poppy. And they don’t even realize it.
June 15th, 2005
i guess i am just bitter with tsa… they always go through my suitcase… granted they repack better than i packed in the first place…
June 18th, 2005
That’s right, Trav. I remember you telling me about the time the TSA security guy checked your luggage and found all of your thong underwear. That must’ve been embarrassing.
July 22nd, 2005
who wears underwear???
July 22nd, 2005
Underwear impedes the flow of the fart wind… causing distress to the exitus maximus…
July 22nd, 2005
But I should add, my wife says that underwear has proven to be a shit catcher… My son’s favorite underwear is proof… I learned first hand at Animal Kingdom…