Sometimes Army Dudes Just Can’t Hold Back
Jun. 23, 2005 by Jason
My nephew Kev is in the Army. One day, he and a buddy went to Taco Bell after their shift. The buddy was feeling a little gassy and decided to let loose. He wanted to “make some room” for dinner.
So the buddy released a little pressure and sat down to eat. No big deal right? They’re young. They’re guys. Whatever.
But a couple minutes later, he felt the pressure build up again. He warned Kev, “Shit man, here comes another one. Brace yourself.” That’s when it happened.
His eyes bulged out like he was Jennifer Wilbanks. He was in shock. The dude stood straight up and took a slow-jog toward the Taco Bell latrine.
Is it obvious what happened? Kev knew right away. Then again, he was there and could smell it. The dude shit his pants.
He came back to the table several minutes later and they took off. Turns out, he threw his shitty drawers away in the bathroom.
It’s kind of like serving your country in a foreign land. You finally make it back home, and you never mention the horrible things you saw out there on the battlefield. But if you do ever talk about it with your favorite uncle, watch out - ’cause Uncle JJ’s got a blog.
June 23rd, 2005
That happened to me once. I was playing volleyball and tripped backwards on the sand. I pity the poor kid that walked into that stall after me…
June 23rd, 2005
HA HA HA Kev should have never told you.
June 23rd, 2005
Going commando because of poopy drawers. That’s pretty rough. But Kev’s friend’s name was never divulged so it’s not so bad. And your audience gets another funny post so it’s all good.
June 23rd, 2005
More evidence for the name, “Taco Hell.”
June 23rd, 2005
Oh ew ew ew! I must admit that I’ve peed my pants, but poop? Shudder.
June 23rd, 2005
Wow, G. That sucks. I hope you didn’t go back out there and finish the game.
I know, Ev. I’m waiting to see what Kev has to say about this.
Thanks, Thao. Yeah, that guy gets to remain anonymous.
True, Marc.
It is pretty disgusting, Eddie.
June 23rd, 2005
When my hubby was growing up and got in trouble, like the rest of us he’d occassionally say “well, I thought…”. Inevitably, his dad always came back with this gem: Know what happened to “thought”? Thought he farted, but shit his pants.
June 23rd, 2005
JJ-
Got another one for you and the gang if you haven’t already seen it. Go to -
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=4556985749
and check out what the Brit Babe does to her cheating hubby. Ow!!
!Queenie
June 24th, 2005
I may have to use that line someday, Sar.
That lady doesn’t fuck around, Queenie! She means business.
June 28th, 2005
“His eyes bulged out like he was Jennifer Wilbanks.”
Great line, great story. Shitting yourself in public is never fun. I have a personal classic that happened to me a few years back. To detailed to share now, but one of these days I may. Right out of movie and it’s a real good thing I can laugh at myself or I probably woulda been considering suicide.
I guess the moral of the story is the same. Shitting yourself is not good.
June 28th, 2005
Yep. That’s my motto.
July 16th, 2005
Shitting yourself is not good…a motto for all to live by. Especially when your going for the audio pleasure of the butt trumpet and instead ya get the squirts…in your car, with a friend, 20 miles to the next exit. Not that it happened to me or anything….Ok it did and it was a long stinky and “moist”drive… not good indeed!
July 16th, 2005
Yecchh.