The Shocking Truth About Popcorn
Jul. 28, 2005 by Jason
Loyal reader Michael submitted this story:
So I’m in the line at the grocery and I have two boxes of microwave popcorn. My wife doesn’t like the heavy butter so I get one box of light butter and one box of butter lovers. As usual, some bonehead in front of me needs a price check. So I’m stuck. I’m past the mags but not quite to checkout. I had nothing to do. So I read the popcorn boxes.
Check this shit out. The ingredients in the light butter box contained butter. But the ingredients in the butter lovers contained no butter. To add insult to injury, the light butter box contained soy, milk and egg. What the hell? If I wanted milk and eggs, I would eat breakfast. But the atrocities didn’t stop there.
I looked at the Nutrition Facts, the RDA. There was a category for “popped” and for - are you ready for this - “unpopped“. That means some poor bastard somewhere felt that it was necessary to add the “unpopped” RDA percentages. So did someone along the way crack open a bag and start eating the kernels and say, “I wonder how much of this shit I gotta eat to meet the recommended daily allowance?” Did they get sued and have to add it? Is there someone out there that is so anal that they felt it was necessary?
I tried to share this shocking news with the people in line. The nice lady behind me didn’t care. And the cashier rushed me through. Then when I got home, my wife rolled her eyes and told me to take out the trash.
Am I the only one who thinks this is strange?
July 28th, 2005
And this is why I try to never look at the ingredients of food labels. Scary.
July 28th, 2005
So if I want less butter in my diet, I should get the “butter lover’s” variety?
July 28th, 2005
Needless to say… I am almost afraid to check out the “Movie theatre” buttered style popped corn. What the hell do you think they put in that???
July 28th, 2005
Feces.
July 28th, 2005
i think i’m gonna hurl…
July 28th, 2005
I love how the world’s shades of grey cease to be amused by what the unadulterated happen to perceive as The Strange.
Perhaps our world is already immune to the ‘colour’ of ‘crap’, that we no longer find amusement in such things as categorizing artificial popcorn to FDA standards.
Indeed, I was disappointed to find the nutritional label on our Green’s Microwave Popcorn box was not, in fact, categorized into ‘popped’ and ‘unpopped’…
xo Véron the PhD.geisha (back on the prowl) xo
July 29th, 2005
I would be leary about eating the unpopped Green’s popcorn straight from the bag… Obviously they have something to hide…
July 29th, 2005
Glad you stopped by, Veronique. And thanks for the link on your site. Check it out, people.
July 30th, 2005
I don’t care what’s on my popcorn, as long as it’s greasy. Anything that makes my poop slide out easier is okay in my book.
Sometimes I play with my testicles before eating popcorn.
July 30th, 2005
sometimes i call my shits Steamy Wonder.
July 30th, 2005
Oh, you Wysol brothers never get tired of talking about dicks and shit.
July 30th, 2005
steamy wonder… sit on the slide… these great lines should appear in the “Browns go to the Superbowl” bit!!! speaking of… i’ll be right back, any one have any matches?