She Makes Me Look Like Disneyland
Threesomes, foursomes, and more.
I was at happy hour with a new co-worker when she started openly discussing her sex life. Alright, bring on the cock talk!! This woman started telling the entire table how she was into group sex. I think that was the first time in my life where I thought, "Ok, whoa, TMI." Alright, be a little open-minded, I thought, 2 or 3 guys might be fun. But no, we're talking 4 or 5 or more. I couldn't believe she was telling us, since this was her first happy hour with us. And I don't mean this happened a few times, this was a regular thing for her.
What I want to know is: Don't these guys get bored with one woman? How do they know when it's their turn? And what are they doing exactly while waiting? Jerking off? Watching TV? Or perhaps playing poker while waiting to poke her? And where does she meet these guys? Doesn't she get tired? Do they all chip in and buy a couple of boxes of condoms, a bottle of lube, and some pizzas? I mean sex is awesome, but yikes, I can barely handle just one guy sometimes. Ok, that's a lie.
She asked me if I wanted to join her that evening as it was the (fill in the blank) fraternity conference that weekend and she already had a crew lined up. Uh, thanks, I think I'll pass.
Soon after she left, my friend turned to me and said, "Damn, she makes you look like Disneyland." For once in my life, I didn't mind.
Today, I asked her about her weekend. Sounding a bit disappointed, she told me she had a slow night. She got laid by three different men. WTF? What did I get? Zip. Zero. Nada. Damn, maybe I should have taken her up on that offer. Uh, just kidding.
On a related note. I read the Washingtonienne (the book) over the weekend. I know the blog is old news, but for those that didn't read about the DC sex scandal of early 2004, you can check out the replicated blog.
Damn, that Jessica Cutler makes us all look like Disneyland. But she's a lucrative one.
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August 8th, 2005 - 21:40
Does she do a little porn on the side? Sounds like she’s got talent.
August 8th, 2005 - 21:55
The best thing about the Walken/Oldman 08 ticket? They 100% completely pro-whore.
Now that’s a presidential candidate that I can get behind….in line…for the hookers.
August 9th, 2005 - 01:41
That is very interesting.
In that situation, I’d be all like, “I call dibs on the asshole”
August 9th, 2005 - 08:40
I would think that, during the downtime, the other guys would be drinking Gatorade, convincing themselves that “this never happened,” possibly giggling with each other about how they’re going to debase the girl when it’s their turn again. Really, that last one is probably most likely. Guys are more scummy than you’d think.
Guy 4: “I’m going to wait for her to open her mouth, and then donkey punch her in the chin. Hee hee…”
Guy 5: “I’m going to whip out the camera phone. This is totally making the blog tomorrow.”
Guy 4: “I’m gonna spit my gum in her hair, then cum on it. She’ll never get that shit out. Hee hee…”
Guy 5: “Oh man… I’m posting this shit on the totally NSFW Revengeworld.com in the morning. This is gonna be gold.”
August 9th, 2005 - 09:59
Mickey Mouse baby….Mickey Mouse. If you want a book that outshines Jessica Cutler, check out The Sexual Life of Catherine M. It will even make J-Mo blush.
August 9th, 2005 - 11:38
Shoo, that story makes me tired just thinking about it.
One question though: Why is she working in your office? Sounds like she’s already got a way to make cash-money without having to deal with the hassle of getting out of bed everyday.
August 9th, 2005 - 13:28
There’s obviously something wrong with this woman. You’ve gotta introduce me..
August 9th, 2005 - 15:25
I don’t know if she does porn on the side, JJ.
Hey, hookers gotta make a living too, Ev.
Maine, sounds like you’re speaking from experience….. what do you think she’s thinking???
Good question, C.Ro. Maybe she’s scoping out the staff for future candidates? Anyway, I can see why she wouldn’t do it for cash. Once you equate something with work, it’s no longer fun. That’s why I decided to go graduate school instead of culinary school. My cooking is like her gang bang. It’ll leave you satisfied every time.
Hmmm, she’s older too…. right up your alley Seth.