Really, I am Smart…
Sep. 02, 2005 by J.Mo
“Oh, look at all of those poor unknown soldiers,” I said sorrowfully as Jimmy and I drove by the Arlington Cemetery.
Yes, I must admit, I actually thought that each of those thousands of headstones belonged to many, many unknown soldiers over the years. Jimmy quickly cleared that up for me. “Uh, what do you mean…. ALL of those unknown soldiers?” Come on, with hundreds of thousands of deaths throughout the U.S. involved wars, is it really that outrageous of an idea?!? I think not.
I do shit like this all the time. Mix everything up. I’ve always had a poor memory, but am sure being drunk all the time doesn’t help. Here are just a few other things I’ve mixed up more recently.
Meatloaf vs. Motorhead: I once joined Columbia House Records for the free CDs. I ordered Meatloaf by mistake. It took me months to get some dumbass to take the CD from me. Oh wait. I’m the dumbass who got them confused in the first place.
Charles Manson vs. Marilyn Manson: Trying to impress a boy during a conversation about Marilyn Manson, I asked, “Isn’t it crazy that Marilyn Manson lived with the Beach Boys for a little while?” Needless to say, he was far from being impressed. Don’t worry though, I’ve been able to impress him in other ways.
Van Morrison vs. The Pogues: During a roadtrip to Vegas, I claimed that the song Brown Eyed Girl was about nipples. “It’s true. It’s slang for nipples. Jimmy told me!” Dubious of this fact, my friend responded, “Uh, I seriously doubt that Brown Eyed Girl is about a woman’s nipples. Jimmy doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” When I told Jimmy the conversation, this is what he said: “Shit, it’s not Brown Eyed Girl! It’s Pair of Brown Eyes by the Pogues. Please, never ever quote me again!” He’s not the only one who has asked this of me.
But as much as I mix up things, I’m not as bad as one of my friends who thought Santo Domingo was in northern California, thought we could go skiing in Vegas, wondered what the letters D.C. stood for, and was surprised to find out that the president worked and lived in the same building.
See, really, I am smart.
September 3rd, 2005
The Aeece of Spaaeeedes!
Lemmy rules.
September 3rd, 2005
Marilyn Manson… Charles Manson. They’re all the same in my book.
September 3rd, 2005
That’s okay J.Mo, you got nothin on my mother-in-law. Hubby once asked her why his eggs were more white than yellow, and she told him it’s because the chickens didn’t eat enough grass. Another time she said, hey look, you can get 6 free hamburgers for a dollar. Really, I don’t make this shit up. Thank gooodness it’s not genetic.
September 3rd, 2005
you also thought that the washington redskins were based in washington state. and you live in dc!!!!!
September 3rd, 2005
Ah, J.Mo, those are just honest mistakes…or something.
September 4th, 2005
Thanks for making me feel less stupid, Jessa & Sar. I am one step closer to getting over my friend telling me, “You really are not smart.”
Oh yeah, Jimmy, I forgot to add that in my post. But in defense of my oh so very smart brain, 1) I could care less about football and 2) I had only been to DC once in my life before moving here. The funny thing is that the Redskins used to be my “favorite” team (because of my brother). But yes, I did think they were from Washington state, but now I know better. And that makes me smart.
C.Ro, honest mistakes, that’s a good way of looking at it.