Five Things That Don’t Taste Like Festering Sores

8Oct/0514

Five Things That Don’t Taste Like Festering Sores

Diane tagged me. I'm a self-conscious attention whore with an overwhelming need for acceptance, so I'll play along.

Five things I plan to do before I die:

Drink a beer in Cambodia
Drink a beer in Peru
Drink a beer in Greece
Drink a beer in Norway
Grow a beard

Five things I can do:

Eat an entire 16" pizza in one sitting
Teach an old dog new tricks
Make some fucking delicious guacamole
Recite at least half of Mitch Hedberg's material from memory
Pour myself a beer from my kegerator

Five Things I can’t do:

Type correctly
Say no to "Want another beer?"
Go an entire day without checking in on The Churning
Be mean to someone intentionally
Drive cautiously under the speed limit

Five Things that attract me to the opposite sex:

Laughter
Cute smile
Good taste (music, movies, etc)
Ass
Quick wit

Five Things that I say a lot:

Son of a cockblock!
Totally
Holy Sheboygan
I'll have another beer
Dude

The rules:
When you post your “Five Things” take the top name/link off the list of five below and add your blogname/link at the bottom spot.

Who I'm tagging: Ev, Sar, S.FaolanWolf, Michelle, C.Ro

Tagged as: movies, music, sex, the churning Leave a comment

Comments (14) Trackbacks (0) ( subscribe to comments on this post )

Diane
October 8th, 2005 - 14:47

LMAO! I knew you’d have some good ones
Kevin Kubusheskie
October 8th, 2005 - 14:50

Sheboygan is a town in Wisconsin, but it’s not a holy place. Better luck next time!
JJ
October 8th, 2005 - 14:57

Thanks Diane. I thought about trying to be funny – but I figured it would be better for me to just be honest (which I guess is kind of funny anyway).

Kevin:
Maybe it’s not a holy place – but it’s in the same state as a holy place (Milwaukee, home of Schlitz and PBR).
misti
October 8th, 2005 - 19:14

in my lurking reading i think “i’ll have another beer” should maybe be higher on your list!
C Ro
October 8th, 2005 - 20:08

Can you grow a beard?
Just kidding!

I played. Thanks for the tag, JJ.
JJ
October 8th, 2005 - 20:10

Misti:
That’s true. I’m a beer freak.

C. Ro:
Thanks for playing along!
Ummm… actually you’re right. that’s why I haven’t gotten around to growing a beard. I can’t really make it happen.
Ev
October 9th, 2005 - 00:26

JJ can’t seal the deal, or so the ladies tell me.
JJ
October 9th, 2005 - 12:32

Hmmmm…..
trish
October 9th, 2005 - 13:02

wht the hell is a cockblock?
JJ
October 9th, 2005 - 13:07

Excellent question!

A cockblock is when a guy is hitting on a girl and someone interferes – thus ruining his chance of taking the girl home with him.

So the person who ruined the guy’s chances of hooking up is a cockblock. (FYI – the term for when a girl is hitting on a guy and gets blocked is “clam slam.”)

But I use the term for just about anything. When I get cut off in traffic – I was cockblocked, when I’m telling a joke and someone interrupts – I was cockblocked, when I’m trying to order a beer at a bar and someone steps in front of me – I was cockblocked.
Mimi
October 9th, 2005 - 20:56

Then you should say “cockblockin-assed bitch” a lot.

Say it!

It’s fun.
trish
October 10th, 2005 - 12:36

cockblocking-assed bitch!…oohh tht was nice. thx mimi
David
October 10th, 2005 - 18:14

“Make some fucking delicious guacamole”

Great! Submit the recipe to Carnival of the Recipes. (But not this week, unless you include a ham recipe along with it. Blonde Sagacity has asked for ham recipes for our Islamofascit terrorist “friends”. I’d like to see “care baskets” of ham dishes–or better yet, Spam– delivered to mosques all over the Middle East as a result… )

I don’t have the patience necessary to make guacamole the way my tex-mex chef brother-in-law showed me, so I usually just drizzle a buncha jalapeno sauce on avocados and chow down.
desult
October 13th, 2005 - 01:06

1 Thing I can do – Ask for another beer

1 thing I can’t do -”Say no to “Want another beer?”

Gawd, I can so relate, JJ.