Feldman Loves Minivans

10Oct/0520

I LOVE minivans! I've got a new hero. Brian Feldman. He's interested in things like computers, math, flying, diesel engines, and MINIVANS!

Sure Brian has a lot of other things going for him. For example, he got a perfect score in the 6th grade Math Olympiad, he delivered newspapers for extra cash in the late 90's, and he's "caused a lot of trouble." But Brian's life really came into focus in December 2002 when he "saved up enough money to obtain [his] very first Chrysler Town & Country (a lifelong goal)." He reached his lifelong goal at 19 - buying a minivan on eBay! Excellent!

That was just the beginning. I mean, who doesn't love minivans? They've got "extreme comfort for all occupants" and a "chic exterior appearance." As Brian says, "I'm not a selfish person. I want my passengers to be comfortable too!"

And minivans get surprisingly good gas mileage. Brian once spent $354.01 on gas in one month. Oh.. wait... that's a lot. Brian's defense: "You could both start and raise an entire family in the back of a Town & Country. You'd easily spend more than $354.01 on food if you tried to walk 3000 miles." Okay....

But the big question is - Has driving a minivan made it difficult to pick up chicks? Not necessarily. "Any girl who wouldn't date a guy that drives a minivan isn't worth dating."

And Brian's got big plans for the future: "My goals for the next several months entail obtaining a newer Chrysler Town & Country and looking into grad school."

At least dude has clear cut goals. I'd hate for this post to sound too sarcastic. Seriously, he reached his lifelong goal just after high school (owning a minivan), he knows exactly what he wants to do with his life (work on designing better minivans), and he has no problems picking up chicks (as long as they respect minivans).

In honor of Brian Feldman:

(Hat tip: Sajix from Wackbag)

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EuroYank
October 10th, 2005 - 08:32

oh if I were your age again! I always dated the girl first and then bought the car. but that was the 1960’s when most of what you needed was a personality, black leather, and a motorcycle.
Maine
October 10th, 2005 - 09:36

I’m almost frightened when I think about the amount of masturbation that he’s going to have to endure over the course of his lifetime.

I hope he’s drinking enough water and using moisturized tissues to avoid chafing.
Ev
October 10th, 2005 - 09:38

I think I hear a wedgie coming.
mooalex
October 10th, 2005 - 10:01

Feldman better hope he finds a girl with a nerd fetish or that he has a massive cock, because there’s absolutely zero hope of him ever getting laid otherwise. I don’t even think he could convince a hooker to get into his Town & Country minivan!
Sar
October 10th, 2005 - 11:20

I could maybe see if he wanted the minivan as his spacious love mobile, but this is just bizzare.
Ev
October 10th, 2005 - 11:47

Define Massive Mooalex?

4.5 inches?
JJ
October 10th, 2005 - 12:04

4.5 inches diameter
JJ
October 10th, 2005 - 12:04

like a Foster’s oilcan
Ev
October 10th, 2005 - 14:41

Jesus, that’s an elephant cock.
CC Rider
October 10th, 2005 - 15:23

In 10 years he will come up with a crazy virus to crash all infastructure systems, rule the world and mandate all citizens live in mini-vans in his United Nerdtopia of Chrysler. It’s like a house…just different, we can adjust.
jessica
October 10th, 2005 - 15:35

the ebt part is that he worked at progressive insurance. mayfield, ohio was about 13 minutes from where i lived until i moved to indiana 4 months ago. several of my friends still work there. i’m so sad brian’s not there anymore. i could’ve hooked you up with a pic of him checking out your site or something.

the one question i have for you after all of this is how in the hell did you find this guy??? is this a little insight to your online chat room activitity? were you chatting online with babes all day?
JJ
October 10th, 2005 - 16:46

Actually, the pests over at Wackbag somehow stumbled across this guy’s site. That’s where I found it.
Ev
October 10th, 2005 - 17:19

Points to Jessica for the Napoleon Dynamite reference.
JJ
October 10th, 2005 - 18:19

Holy shit, I missed that!

Kip rules!
Ev
October 10th, 2005 - 18:30

He’s training to be a cage fighter.
jessica
October 10th, 2005 - 20:18

no, ev and i rule. ev for catching it and me because i’m clever.
how could you ever miss a kip reference.

GOSH.
mojotek
October 10th, 2005 - 22:08

“Chic exterior appearance”
Jillian
October 10th, 2005 - 23:12

Hey, somebody had to build up this guys self-esteem at one point.
I say he either:
-slept with the head cheerleader in high school.
-slept with the quarterback of the football team in high school.
-slept with his mom.
Kevin Kubusheskie
October 11th, 2005 - 00:54

He reminds me of this guy I knew in high school named Elmer. No shit, that was his name. He went on this scuba diving trip with me to the Bahamas and ended up getting some kind of condition that ruined his nervous system and was excused from school indefinately. Never heard from him again.
Marc
October 11th, 2005 - 10:26

This is insane. But his hair rocks!