Inaccurate Celebrity News
Oct. 13, 2005 by Jason
I present to you, the return of Inaccurate Celebrity News.
The following statements are completely false:
- Better late than never - Budweiser has announced plans to market twin packs of 16 ounce tallboy cans of malt liquor. They’re putting a picture of Tupac Shakur on the label and they’re calling it the “Two-Pack.”
- The marketing wizards at Budweiser realized they had a goldmine on their hands and expanded the idea. So now they’re also shilling a 40 ounce bottle of malt liquor with a picture of The Notorious B.I.G. on the label. They’re calling that one “The Biggie.”
- After being dropped from several advertising contracts for being photographed with a smorgasbord of cocaine, Kate Moss was offered top dollar to pose in ads for mirrors and razor blades.
- Andy Griffith denounced Jesus Christ and declared his devotion to his new lord and savior, Beelzebub.
- Fans voted in record numbers to name Robert Romanus “Most Successful Alum from Ridgemont High.”
- Tom Cruise got Katie Holmes pregnant by putting his penis in her vagina.
October 13th, 2005
That last one is disgusting. Ick, who wants to think of Tom Cruise that way? Forget it, I’ll take a poop joke over that one any day. My mind will never be the same, lol.
October 13th, 2005
About time Beelzebub got some celebs in his corner…
October 13th, 2005
Tom Cruise should be punched in the coinpurse repeatedly.
October 13th, 2005
Demi Moore files for an annulment against Ashton Kutcher.
The reason: fraud.
She says he’s really gay.. and just used her to get closer to Bruce.
October 13th, 2005
I think Tom got Katie pregnant by putting someone else’s penis in her.
October 13th, 2005
Isn’t it part of Scientology that the men carry the babies? You know, like sea horses? Katie CAN’T be pregnant. It’s against the religion that she was brainwashed to believe.
October 13th, 2005
Did I mention that Tom Cruise should be cockpunched? I think I did.
October 14th, 2005
I love when you do these, JJ! I have no idea how you’re able to come up with so many funny ones though. Here’s my lame contribution.
Doting father, Kevin Spederline, got a job today.
October 17th, 2005
Sam:
Yeah, it made my stomach turn just writing it.
Maine:
Yes! Dude’s way underrated.
Ev:
Give him a kick in the cunt.
LC:
That sounds like it might be pretty close to the truth.
Ann:
Definitely.
Kev:
The men carry the babies in their coinpurse.
Sar:
That’ll never happen.