I’m Way Too Old to Skateboard
Skateboarding half drunk in the middle of downtown Philly traffic is not a good idea.
Band practice is a time to let loose, to knock a few back. I like to play it safe, so I always take the subway down to our practice space instead of driving. But Philly's public transportation workers have gone on strike. That left me with some shitty options for Saturday's session:
- Drive but don't drink.
- Spend $20 on round trip cab fare.
- Bike.
- Skateboard.
Skateboard?!?! I hadn't been on a skateboard in years, but I realized that my nephew left his board at my place. I saw it sitting there and started getting all nostalgic. I thought about the good old days, like ten years ago, when I used to ride every day with friends. I had to try it.
I started out on the sidewalk, moving pretty slowly. Then I remembered that I'd seen a lot of Philly skaters riding in the street. It makes sense. The sidewalks are pretty bumpy, but the streets in Center City are relatively smooth. I gave it a shot.
It was fucking awesome. I was skating next to cars on the blacktop asphalt, putting all of my strength into it. I was hauling ass, actually keeping up with the stop and go city traffic. It only took a half hour or so to get to the practice space and I was no worse for the wear.
But shit, getting home wasn't so easy. I had several beers in my belly and my muscles were starting to get sore from skating earlier in the day. I figured I'd skate halfway then hail a cab. I got moving and I could tell I was a bit shakier than before. I kept it together though. I even stopped and walked a bit when I hit heavy traffic.
I got my confidence back and hit the road again. Soon I was only a block away from my apartment building. I was really moving. I could see the building up ahead. Then, OH SHIT!
The skateboard stopped and my body kept going. I must've hit a small hole or a rock or something. I could feel my body flying forward. I reached out to break my fall and yelled "Oh shit!" In retrospect, I wish I would've yelled something a little more original like, "I'm flying!"
I landed on my left knee and my hands. There was a car behind me. The driver had to slam on his brakes. Several people were standing there on the sidewalk, waiting to cross the street. I had a fucking audience to witness this shit!
I got up as quickly as I could and grabbed the skateboard. I was in the fucking street! I jogged toward my building to get out of traffic and to get away from the people who saw me bust ass.
I made it into the building. My knee was bleeding and my hands were a little bruised up. I decided then and there that out of shape half drunk 29-year-olds do not belong on a skateboard in city traffic. Not a good idea.
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November 7th, 2005 - 01:15
I don’t know what to do. Laugh my ass off at you, or feel sorry.
Ah hell, Bwaaa ha-ha-ha-ha, Awwww boo-hoo, Bwa ha-ha-ha, Awwww boo-hoo.
I’m Flying! would have kicked ass!
November 7th, 2005 - 01:55
sorry to hear about the pain/hurt. but………….. i’m 34 and skate the heck outta pools and bowls.
sometimes pretty wasted. jj, i can teach you the ways.
November 7th, 2005 - 06:46
hehe…geez…you could’ve broken your neck or been hit by a car, u looney…and you’re worried about ppl seeing you? :p
I used to skate when I was a teen…which is…um….like 25 years ago now, at least….and I doubt I would be able to stand on a board today.
Rollerskates still work though…I just never gave that up.
Take good care of that knee
November 7th, 2005 - 07:43
They say you can never go home again.
What they mean is, aging hipsters shouldn’t try to recapture their youth.
November 7th, 2005 - 08:15
I guess you could still get a DUI for riding one of those little mini motorized scooters? Those are pretty popular here (but I’m in KY!). I think we just don’t realize what we are no longer capable of in our *old* age
But at least you can’t say you never tried.
November 7th, 2005 - 08:32
I will have to be sure to have Denotsko read this…maybe he will learn from your mistakes;)
I am glad you weren’t smooshed by that car!
November 7th, 2005 - 09:33
Hahaha! I love it. I’m the first to laugh when I pull something like that, so I’m glad you put it on the blog.
And I am completely aware of how being in your late 20’s ain’t exactly the same universe as it was in your late teens. I used to be able to try/do anything physical and not worry about torn muscles/ripped cartilage/etc. But now… man, I can get sore from sex (doesn’t even have to be the kinky, hanging from the chanelier kind).
November 7th, 2005 - 10:42
Heh..”I’m flying!” would have certainly been better than “Oh, shit”.
At least you didn’t get mauled by oncoming traffic…
November 7th, 2005 - 11:44
MacBros:
Feel free to laugh. I deserve it. I’m an idiot.
Jimmy:
Thank you sensei.
Christa:
I know. Seriously – I’m lucky a car didn’t hit me.
Ev:
So true. That’s the lesson in this whole thing.
K.T.Smith:
Exactly. I tried. I failed. Now I can move on.
Justdawn:
Spread the wisdom.
Mojotek:
Yes! The trouble is, I look like I’m 20 and I feel like I’m 40.
Ranting:
Definitely. I’ve got to start coming up with better lines when I’m in an embarrassing situation surrounded by gawkers (which seems to happen a lot actually).
November 7th, 2005 - 12:51
JJ,
Better watch out. It starts with an innocent skatebord ride and ends up with you running your motorized wheelchair around the ward while you pinch the cute nurse’s butt.
November 7th, 2005 - 13:57
I still have / use my old board with the word ‘ Tarantulas ‘ carved in the grip tape! Sucks that your skills have waned as mine are as dull as ever.
Everynow and then I take my board out and do some power slides in the street. I recommend that over pulling a superman in the middle of heavy downtown traffic. Yikes.
The classy ending to that feat would have been to take a bow and toss out a hat for tips.
November 7th, 2005 - 14:29
It’s great you can laugh at yourself and learn a lesson too. I will admit, the visual cracked me up
What instrument do you play?
November 7th, 2005 - 15:09
Poobah:
I always figured i’d be the kind of old guy who sites on the front porch drunk, yelling at the neighborhood kids. “Get outta my yard ya little fuckers!”
JO:
Yes! The Tarantulas. Suburban white boys pretending to be a skateboard gang. We really were a bunch of dorks.
Diane:
Drums mainly. Guitar on certain songs. The band is sort of a punk rock version of folk music.
November 7th, 2005 - 17:34
Awesome story. I have had a couple of those type of experiences myself. I once flew off my bike and I whole group of people came to help me. I was so embarassed that I yelled for them all to leave me alone ” I did it on purpose” but none of them believed me.
They just thought I was crazy.
I love reading your postings. Our humor tends to jive.
Sincerely,
Mike
http://www.therubinreview.com
November 7th, 2005 - 17:46
I bought my longboard during a 4 day drinking binge. I immediately [while still wasted] took it down some streets…narrowly missed death…and pretty much been afraid to ride it ever since. (Have you SEEN how dang fast those things go? I still cant figure out how im supposed to stop it short of jumping off face first.)
I have decided to wait until my workplace dental plan kicks in before i try riding again.
November 7th, 2005 - 18:14
I would have left the “Oh shit” part out and substituted “Wheeeeee!”
November 7th, 2005 - 20:12
Mike:
Thanks. That reminds me of Pee Wee Herman. “I meant to do that!”
JuicyA:
Yeah, stopping sucks. Obviously, I had to stop at stoplights and what-not, but I couldn’t figure out a way to stop without looking like a total dork.
English Guy:
That would’ve been hilarious.
November 8th, 2005 - 11:12
Good thing you didn’t break any fingers then! I guess any instrument would be tough to play with hurt hands except for maybe a harmonica.
November 8th, 2005 - 12:51
Funny — Just the other day a friend of mine said “Hey! Let’s go skateboarding” and I couldn’t help but laugh and ask “How old are you again???”
November 9th, 2005 - 10:12
oh man. that’s fucking hilarious.
November 9th, 2005 - 17:22
Damn, is my board alright?
November 9th, 2005 - 17:48
Diane:
It would’ve made blogging pretty tough as well.
Dave:
Totally. I really need to stick to grown-up activities like blogging and video games.
Sarah:
I know! I’m glad you didn’t see it happen. I would’ve been even more embarrassed if the spectators weren’t total strangers.
Kev:
Yeah, mos def. The car didn’t hit it. And I’m okay too. Thanks for asking!
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