Getting Out of a Restaurant Birthday Song
Nov. 10, 2005 by Jason
Waiters singing Happy Birthday are an embarrassment.
My big brother celebrated a birthday last week. He went out to dinner with friends and family to mark the occasion. Before dinner, he called me on my cell and he was a little frantic.
Big Bro: “Dude, what if the servers come out and start singing Happy Birthday? I hate that shit.”
JJ: “It’s definitely gonna happen.”
Big Bro: “Is there any way I can stop it? Like if they start singing, maybe I can distract them or something.”
JJ: “Like how?”
Big Bro: “I don’t know. Maybe I could start singing another song right over top of them.”
JJ: “Yeah! Like the National Anthem or something! Then they’d have to stop, because they’d have to put their hand over their heart or whatever.”
Big Bro: “Yes! I mean, it would still be embarrassing, but I’d least I’d be in control of my own embarrassment.”
I also suggested that he could identify the leader of the singing waitresses and try to strike up a conversation in the middle of the birthday song.
Waitresses: “Happy birthday to…”
Big Bro: “So, how long have you worked here?”
Waitresses: “..you. Happy birthday…”
Big Bro: “What’s your name? You’re a good singer. Do you take singing lessons?”
But Big Bro didn’t like that idea. He’s married and he figured his wife might think he was trying to hit on the waitress if he pulled that stunt.
Are there any other tricks for getting out of the whole restaurant birthday song thing?
(Happy birthday, Big Bro!)
November 10th, 2005
if it was on my birthday and if i saw people charging at me with a cake. i would jump up with the “crew” and point at a random friend.
if that didn’t work, i’m sure taking off my pants and masturbating would kill all of that.
November 10th, 2005
I find leaving works. Especially if its at the end of the meal because you also avoid having to pay.
November 10th, 2005
I agree…it’s really embarrasing…no matter if it happens to you or to the poor ppl at the next table.
I’ve never been in the center of that kinda attention coz I always threatened my hubby that I would walk outta there or just simply refused the b-day dinner in case I suspected that he didn’t take me seriously. Worked every time
November 10th, 2005
People don’t do that to me anymore. Do you know why? Because it is understood that if the wait staff starts singing to me, I’m going to take out my cock and wave it to the beat.
November 10th, 2005
Two of the previous four postings mention a penis. Now we all hate the cutsie songs and embarassment, but c’mon people…it’s free dessert. And you want to reveal your schlong in protest? I’m more likely to whip it out just because I get free cake.
November 10th, 2005
Jimmy:
I like the diversion tactic. “It’s not my birthday; It’s his!”
Aardvark:
Now there’s an idea. Saddle your buddies with the bill and maybe they’ll learn their lesson.
Christa:
I’m with you on this one. My Lady knows how much I hate that stuff.
Ev:
You could direct the singers like a maestro!
Marc:
You’re more likely to put it in the cake. I know how you love cake.
November 10th, 2005
Personally, I’ve always found that clubbing the singers with a sturdy stick works quite nicely. Besides, you’d get to spend your birthday in jail and I’ve heard the food is quite nice there when it’s your birthday.
November 10th, 2005
I had the same conversation with him that day, and I suggested that he gets up and bolts toward the restroom screaming “Out of my way! I have explosive diarrhea!” I find that the explosive diarrhea card works for getting out of just about any situation. Things like work, school, etc.
November 10th, 2005
Singing the National Anthem over them is the best idea I’ve ever heard, lol
November 10th, 2005
I quit having birthdays at the big FIVE O hell I’m 50 so I don’t have to worry about it, however! if I did, I think maybe standing up and screaming, What the hell is everybody staring at? might put an end to it. I wouldn’t be embarassed either, I’d be feeling glorious with my insane rage…
November 11th, 2005
Phone up the restaurant beforehand, tell them your brother gets horrible flashbacks if he has the song sung at him, and tell them you cannot be held responsible for his actions if he hears that tune…?
November 11th, 2005
Poobah:
I’ve never been to jail so I can’t vouch for the food, but I do like the stick idea.
Kev:
You love that excuse. Didn’t you use that at work when we were in Richmond?
Mel:
Yeah, it raises the level of embarrassment, but at least it puts you in control of the situation.
Diane:
I would definitely stop staring if I heard someone yell that. I don’t want to get hurt.
Nicky:
I love that idea! It would scare the shit out of them (not literally, that would be gross).