Bigger Your Penis

Dec. 19, 2005 by Jason

I got some ridiculous spam this morning:

COME ON LITTLE-D1CK, SPEND 60 BUCKS TO INCREASE 2-INCHES you

Bigger Your Small-Size Peniis
The Only Safe & Natural Way To Bigger ur Size promised
Become Thicker & up to 3-inch longer after 1-2 months

happened Dont Wait, Bigger Today & Fuuck Tomorrow

These spammers really need to take an English refresher course. They’re smart enough to misspell “dick,” “penis” and “fuck” so they can get past some of the spam blockers, but their grammar is atrocious. Hey fuckass, “bigger” is not a verb.

Even if I did want to buy cock pills, I would make a point not to buy them from these morons on principle. Plus, they immediately insulted me in the subject line. Are there people out there who actually respond to this shit?

*Two redneck roommates*
Jeb: “Hey Billy Bob, check out this here ee-lectronic mail message I got on my typy thingy.”
Billy Bob: “What? That African millionaire write back to tell you he got that money you sent?”
Jeb: “Nope. Even better. I’m gon’ bigger my penis!”
Billy Bob: “Don’t be so dumb. You can’t bigger your penis.”
Jeb: “Uh-huh. It says right here. I can bigger today and fuck tomorrow.”
Billy Bob: “Damn. That must be for real and all. It says bigger your size promised. Promised is like a guar-on-tee.”
Jeb: “Well got-damn! I can get me three more inches. That means I can bigger my willy to five inches!”
Billy Bob: “You ree-tard. You can’t do no math. You just said your dinger is only two inches.”
Jeb: “Ummmm…”
Billy Bob: “Oh. You better order that shit.”

Tags: spam

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13 comments

MacBros said:
December 19th, 2005
Me wonders what JJ signed up on, to get on that spamm list?
Would it have anything to do with the hand soap post earlier?
LOL

I probably wouldn’t buy anything from a drug pusher that couldn’t spell either. LOL@ *Two redneck roommates* “ee-lectronic mail message I got on my typy thingy.”
That’s just too funny.

JJ said:
December 19th, 2005
MacBros:
That spam could be related to any number of things I’ve ordered over the years.
Also - It was a toss up between “redneck” and “newfie.”

Maine said:
December 19th, 2005
This is what I never understood about the penis-biggering…

Men don’t exactly have cock cleavage. How would a woman know that you’ve been biggerized until she’s already got it in her face? And, more to the point, once she’s got it in her face… haven’t you already won? Who is the market for penis biggeration?

Maybe if you have a grotesquely inadequate penis that is so tiny, the lady would actually cancel the proceedings mid-foreplay just to get the fuck out of Dodge, but outside of that… who?

Omnipotent Poobah said:
December 19th, 2005
As spam goes, that was actaully pretty entertaining. I give it a 4 because it has a good beat (no pun intended) and you can dance to it.

mojotek said:
December 19th, 2005
I’m with Maine on this one. The vast majority of the time if a girl is gonna see it, it’s all ready to go and you’ve already scored… Maybe it’s for the crowd that has a problem walking around in a locker room comparing other peoples wangs to their own.

LC said:
December 19th, 2005
Yeah.. but you can say “so long” to a second date. Woman may take pity on you and your 2 inches.. but she ain’t be comin back for more. (Unless, of course, your other skills make up for the lack o’ package )

Love the “Redneck Roommates”, JJ!

C Ro said:
December 19th, 2005
Totally backing LC on this one. If you don’t bigger your penis OR have other skillz to pay the billz, the girl probably won’t be coming back for seconds.

MacBros said:
December 19th, 2005
LOL @ Also - It was a toss up between “redneck” and “newfie.”
You still remember that ey’? Or is that statement supposed to be filled with punn. Oh! Did I say that!?

April said:
December 20th, 2005
Speaking from past experiences, I’ve never turned down sex after things started getting hot and heavy because a small dick was involved. I have turned it down once because the dick was too big. Sound crazy? Maybe, but if the thing won’t fit in my mouth, it certainly isn’t going in my puss. I like it too much to abuse it like that.

Why do men obsess over their size? Women don’t say, “Damn, I need to find something that will make my pussy tighter!” Well I’m sure there are some women out there that say that, but not near as many as men.

My son’s father had a reeeeeally small penis. (I say “had” because he’s dead) So I asked one of the physicians I work for if penis size was hereditary, but he didn’t know.