The Gay Cowboy Movie
December 30th, 2005 by JJ
I mentioned to my co-workers that My Lady and I saw Brokeback Mountain last night. A couple of people seemed interested, but one lady said, “There’s no way I’d see that movie.”
“Okay…”
“Yeah, I saw Alexander at the theater and I couldn’t believe it! It ruined the movie for me.”
I assume the “it” she referred to is some kind of homosexual love scene, or two dudes kissing, or a gay relationship. I have no idea, I didn’t see Alexander. My guess is she would hate Brokeback.
Seems like most critics have been quick to note that Brokeback is a love story, not a “gay movie.” Honestly I don’t get it. Middle America’s not ready for a love story that happens to involve two dudes. Tell them it’s a gay movie. We don’t want them to be confused. Critics write reviews for the masses. For the rest of us - trust me, this is not what you’d expect from a “gay movie.”
Last night at the theater, most people seemed to know what they were getting themselves into. Even so, there were a few gasps from the audience at certain points. Let me just say, gasping at two dudes kissing is completely moronic. You brought your wife to see the “gay cowboy movie.” What the fuck did you expect? Man up, you pussy.
Just in case you’re undecided about the film based on your own level of potential discomfort, I’ll break it down for you. Here’s what you’ll see:
- Heath Ledger’s ass for a couple of seconds - not in a sex scene
- Non-nude man on man sex. This is obviously the most “shocking scene,” but they’re not naked and the scene fades out after a maybe 30 seconds.
- Two naked dudes jumping into a lake, shot from a distance. If you buy the DVD, pause it, and zoom in, you might see Ledger’s cock.
- Two dudes making out. There are several scenes where Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal swap spit. Maybe five minutes total.
- Gyllenhaal boning Anne Hathaway - and her tits are completely exposed (Yep, the clean-cut girl from the Princess diaries movies).
- Ledger boning Michelle Williams - she’s topless too (uh huh, she’s the hottie from Dawson’s Creek).
- Fistfights. Several of them.
- Drinking. Lots and lots.
- Oh yeah - and Randy Quaid’s in it.
I guess my point is this: To anyone who is sexually self-confident, this is not a “gay movie.” There are more bare funbags in this flick than man asses. The most graphic gay sex scene is short and non-nude. The main characters drink heavily and know how to throw a punch.
Don’t avoid it because you’re freaked out by the whole gay thing. If you want a good excuse to get out of seeing it, just say you’re gay and you’re afraid that seeing Hathaway’s perfect cans might turn you straight.
RSS
Man Anne Hathoway looks awful in that picture! Those bags under her eyes, and she looks like she threw her make-up on. But on the positive side, she’s got nice boobs
I was thinking the same thing as The English Guy about Anne’s picture. I love boobies.
Anyway, the only thing that I think would bother me is seeing Jake Gyllenhaal kiss another man. Not for the gay factor of it, but because he’s so cute like in a little boy kinda way to me. It would be like watching gay kiddie porn or some shit. I didn’t want to see the Bubble Boy kissing a girl let alone a dude. Just doesn’t seem right to me.
Wait a minute! Hold the phone! Heath and Jake boning Anne and Michelle? If I recall correctly what the quaint term “boning” defines, I’d have to say this doesn’t seem like a gay movie to me. Bi-sexual maybe.
500 dolla!
500 dolla!
500 dolla!
God, I loved Bubbleboy.
I have to disagree with April. Jake kissing some dude (or anyone for that matter) … now that’s great fodder for masturbation!
Sexiest scene ever: The milk scene of Love! Valour! Compassion! Holy shit, that was hot hot hot!! And there was no nudity either!
My great fodder for masturbation was when Josh Hartnett did that thing with the feather to the hot chick in 40 Days and 40 Nights. Or just about every sex scene in 9 1/2 Weeks. Or when Neve Campbell and Denise Richards were making out in Wild Things. Or Orgy Angels #4 always does the trick! =)
I’ve not seen Love! Valour! Compassion! yet. If I can remember, I’ll rent it this weekend.
Y’all have a safe and happy new year!!
My my girls. Fodder for masturbation? As long as you’ve already cleared that path let me take a walk down it…
The scene from Road House where Dalton and the doc get it on up over the barn-
I’ve actually never considered that concept but when I saw you relating movie scenes as such it was the first thing that came to mind.
Lalalalala I can’t hear you! I’m going to see it this weekend so I don’t want the spoilers. But I do hear you about the moronic small mindeness. Get the fuck over yourselves already people!
JJ - be sure to stop by and claim your nod.
Ah..so the pretentiousness of Oliver Stone and the plodding story line and the way-too-long running time didn’t get to her, but seeing the totally smokin’ Colin Farrell and Jared Leto together did?
Weird.
Oops. Leto was smokin’, Farrell looked terrible blonde. Still, The New World seems interesting. Maybe he and Christian Bale (now there is a hottie for you) get it on..
So, did they eat pudding in this movie at all?
(South Park reference for those who don’t get what I’m saying.)
I bet Anne Hathaway is one of those girls that look like an angel, sweet girl next door.
But then in real life, she’s total bitch (probably BI) and talks super-dirty during sex and wants to take it up in the a**! Maybe, it’s just me… but I’m getting that slut vibe from her…
Nevertheless, it’s still gay movie…
I might just go see it to see Anne Hathaways funbags…
I think watching almost every episode of ‘Six Feet Under’ got me over any willies I had with two guys kissing or rubbing each others bare chests.
That is one horrible looking picture of Anne Hathaway. But if images loaded from the bottom instead of the top, I probably wouldn’t say that.
They’re not cowboys for god’s sake. They’re fag sheepherders - big difference.
An update for Anne Hathoway (NSFW): Anne Hathoway screencaps.
“You brought your wife to see the “gay cowboy movie.” What the fuck did you expect? Man up, you pussy.” i completely agree. i had the same issue when the people were grunting disapprovingly during the gay sex but not the straight sex. i fucking hate people sometimes. but it was a great great movie.
I am SOOOO glad I saw this movie in a movie theater that’s within shouting distance of a gay neighborhood. There were a number of pairs of older men in attendance and assuming they were gay (I TRY HARD not to assume anything) I think they would have kicked the shit out of anyone who acted up.
Wow! Very good review! I personally can’t wait to see Jake and Heath swap spit!!
I was so proud of Anne Hathaway. Fuck Disney roles! And in terms of Alexander, Colin Farrell needs to do a REAL gay movie.
For me.
I think that is the problem with people,they made up their mind before even seeing anything. I guess that is their loss cos this is just a classic love story with a taboo subject instead of the regular boy/girl we get the see every week. Also the possible fate of Jack was pretty upsetting for myself and made me pretty disgusted with the kind of people out there…