Stupid Team Names
January 6th, 2006 by JJ
I was trying to get over my New Year’s hangover at brunch this past weekend when P3, Frankie and I started talking about ridiculous sports team names. The Packers were about to play. Say that out loud to yourself. “The Packers.” Enough said.
So we rattled off a few names and argued over which ones are the worst. Here are a few from the NBA - and I’m only starting there because the NBA seems to be the main offender.
- Utah Jazz - It’s so entirely inappropriate.
- LA Lakers - Even if they were still in Minneapolis, what the fuck is a Laker?
- Orlando Magic - Please don’t name a team after a theme park.
- Washington Wizards - “Bullets” is just so much cooler.
- Indiana Pacers - I know Maine‘ll be pissed, but did they name this team after a horrible car model from the 70’s?.
Baseball’s got a few gems too. Here’s an example:
- Houston Astros - Isn’t that the dog from the Jetsons?
And the NFL:
- Cleveland Browns - It sounds like a euphemism for shitting on someone during sex.
Even hockey has some:
- Anaheim Mighty Ducks - Which came first, the NHL team or the awful children’s movie?
Any others?
RSS
I believe the Cleveland Browns were named after the color of the air in that industrial city…..
I do believe the Mighty Ducks were named after the movie. Yeah, puke-city.
I think the Washington Wizards is the all-time WORST name ever. I was living in DC when the city proportedly voted on this name change and promptly had to move. Not that they’re not also the worst team ever. I mean, how can they have Jordan involved and still suck?
Okay. Rant over. Sorry.
I personally think any team with the word “sox” in the name sounds pretty silly. Also the Oklahoma Sooners doesn’t sound right. I know what a Sooner is, but still it just rubs me the wrong way. Being a cheesehead wearing Packers fan, I can still agree that it is a funny name. Although it does sound more intimidating than, oh say, a Cub or Dolphin.
I always laugh at the Houston Texans’ name … I usually call them the ‘Redundants”
I cant make too much fun, though, someone in Europe once asked me what the hell an edmonton “oiler” was. ..
Even if they did say “The Meat Packers” it would still be a pretty dumb name.
I always thought the Utah Jazz was a little ‘foo-foo’ for a professional sports team.
When the Hornets moved to New Orleans, they should have swapped names with Utah. Utah is the Beehive State, and trust me when I say I have been stung by the Mormons on several occasion and it would be much more fitting.
I think any mascot that doesn’t end in an “S” (i.e. Heat, Jazz, Magic, etc.) is lame. You can’t have plural Heat. You can’t have plural Magic. Team sports, people. TEAMS.
In the Ontario Hockey League, there’s a team called the Peterborough Petes. I always wonder what would happen if all teams just took the first four leters of their city’s name.
pompous ass guy with the last name of brown named the cleveland borwns.
and ironically the cicncinatti bengals play in brown stadium…
whoah.
bullets was so much cooler but some assface thought it promoted gun violence. lame. guns are cool man!
lakers = great lakes, but i see no lakes in la la land.
same thing with jazz, team moved from new orleans but kept name.
the astros had the worst baseball uniforms in history back in the early 80’s. google image search it and laugh.
Japan’s national rugby team has a name guaranteed to strike fear into the hearts of its opponents - the Cherry Blossoms.
atlanta’s team names aren’t that bad… although the hockey team… the thrashers… is a bit odd… but it’s better than being called the turners…
I always thought the Browns should have been called the Cleveland Steamers. And I never would have known that “Packers” was referring to meat (well, okay sort of, I thought it meant fudge). What about the Philadelphia Phillies? Slightly redundant, and named after what - the sandwich? Cheesy. (Pun intended.) Flyers isn’t any better either, what’s wrong with Philly? Here’s some more:
Minnesota Wild
Calgary Flame(r)s
Columbus Blue Jackets
New York Knickerbockers (shorten it all you want and it’s still gay)
New Jersey Nets (clever, eh? pffft)
Minnesota Timberwolves (don’t know why this bugs me, but it does)
I wish I had an old Bullets jersey - they were killer, had a bullet streaking from left to right like that fucker had just been fired.
dude! im so totally asian but i found that super hilarious! Anyway, im a bit late but Happy New Year!!
Although it’s barely a team, I think that the Denver Nuggets is a frickin’ hystercal name. And when they wore those jerseys with the rainbow colored skyline… it was bad. Let’s just leave it at that.
nolan ryan
baseball players have the best names. my current favorite is coaco krisp.
Orlando Magic.
I always wondered why it was called the Magic. THe fact that Orlando is home to the Magic Kingdom NEVER occured to me.
Thank you JJ for opening my eyes!!!
I used to work for the NBA and you missed the worst offenders, the WNBA. Not that they really count as sports teams but you know.
The Phoenix Mercury — This is like naming a team The New York Earth.
The New York Liberty - Even more stupid.
The Los Angeles Sparks
The Indiana Fever
The Detroit Shock
See how much material you missed?
If you’re gonna slam the “New York Liberty”, Riss.. you gotta slam the New England Patriots.
Yeah.. PATRIOTS!! That strikes fear in the heart of opponants!
((By the way.. I’m allowed to slam the Pats. That was my high school mascot.. so I was a “Lady Patriot”.. it seriously said that on my basketball uniform!! ))
I wasn’t going to get into college team names, but how about the Tennessee Volunteers?
“Oh no! That guy volunteered to play football. I’m scaaaared!”
Didn’t you used to live in Virginia, JJ? How can you forget the Hokies? That’s REALLY scary.
Guy #1: “You’d better back up bitch, I’m a HOKIE!”
Guy #2: “Oh yeah? Well I’m a POKIE, so turn yourself around. That’s what it’s all about!” *clap, clap*
Sorry for that quite stupid example, but that’s what I think of when I hear the word Hokie.
the volunteers were soldiers.
Tennessee has had several nicknames, but the most popular is “The Volunteer State.” The nickname originated during the War of 1812 when thousands of Tennesseans enlisted in response to Governor Willie Blount’s call for volunteers
Laaaaaame
The Pacer thing? Supposed to be from the Pace car at the Indianapolis 500. Gay? Ultra, but what else is in Indiana? Hoosiers?
I still say the New York Knicks have the sillest names. “Hello, we’re the old-style pants from New York. Fear and respect us.”
University of California at Santa Cruz…the Banana Slugs. Slime em…Salt em…beat em with a stick…Goooooooo Slugs!
Standford University…the Cardinal, not the CardinalS, but the Cardinal…and their mascot is a gyrating tree, so go figure.
There was a high school near where I grew up called the Chruchland Truckers, which seemed more like a career prediction for their graduates than a sports team name.
Hayward, CA has the Hayward Farmers..better than the “Fightin’ Mighty Migrants” I guess.
I also hate those “zen” names like the Miami Heat or the Minnesota Wild. Teams are made up of people, not meteorological events or phsychological traits. Geez!
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i think you have cleveland browns and cleveland steamers confused again…
course coming from NEO, we’ve had to defend our team AND city for years…
Oh hey - speaking of Cleveland Steamers, I found this kickass Tenacious D sweatshirt earlier today.
there’s a school here is mississippi called delta state.
their mascot: the fighting okra…i shit you not!
In one of the Dallas community colleges, they have a baseball team named the Richland Thunderducks. I always thought that was funny. But I agree with juicya about the Houston Texans, stupid and redundant.
the “houston 1836″. its their new soccer team.
How about
The A’s why is thier mascot an elephant.
Just what the hell is a supersonic or even better why name your team the trailblazers.
Another the one that pisses me off the most, The SAN DIEGO PADRES. The Spanish Fathers.
How about St. Peter’s College? The Peacocks. Look out! And the women: the Peahens. Also, the Syracuse Orange. THEY’RE A FRIGGIN’ COLOR!!!
I was a “Knowlton Roadrunner” during elementary school. I wish I still had my old uniforms, I would rock the shit out of them these days!
Ahhh what about the Toledo Mudhens?
The Utah Jazz were originally the New Orleans Jazz until the franchise was sold and moved to Utah. The “Jazz” name was fitting for New Orleans but, not for Utah.
True. Maybe they should change their name to the Utah Polygamists.
My wife’s high school mascot in Nebraska the Valley Fighting Terriers Purple and Gold with a little white dog…even though the school has since been consolidated I still ask her brothers and her father what it was like playing for a Westie
My college was Austin College–Home of the Fightin’ Kangaroos. No kidding.
What about those fierce Canadian basketballers? Since the whole Mighty Duck thing seemed to work, The Toronto Raptors tried to cash in on the Jurassic Park movie.