Update 2:00PM: Still, no one has guessed correctly. But now we have a couple of people who are really close.

First hint: #1 is not JJ.

New hint: Check out the scores in the comments section. I think that’s enough info to figure it out.

Try again!

Mel tagged me with the Five Random Facts meme that’s been going around like VD. But I figured I’d spice it up a little with some help from the team. Now it’s not just another retarded meme. It’s a GAME!

I convinced each of the writers here at The Churning to list five random facts about themselves. Some lied, and some were entirely truthful. Now here’s where you come in. In the comments section, I want you to guess who wrote each list. Your choices are JJ, J.Mo, Ev, Jimmy, and Jillian. If you feel like it, you can also guess which lists are true. I’ll post the answers tomorrow.

List One:

  • I wrote a screen play called “Uwasa.”
  • I once was accosted by an overweight businessman in Philidelphia for not knowing the difference between communism and socialism.
  • I once got so drunk that I pissed in the backyard, while people watched.
  • One time, I went out with this girl, and after eating her out, I immediately French-kissed her. She was not happy.
  • I was friends with this guy and he split up with his girl. So, I fucked her like 2 days after they had broken up. He came over while we were doing it and saw us through the window.

List Two:

  • I like midget porn.
  • I enjoy sniffing the catbox when there’s fresh shit in there.
  • I have eight toes on each foot. Thus, I’m forced to wear clown shoes, because regular ones just don’t fit.
  • I once met Brontasaurus Rex. He was walking through the jungle and he stopped to say hello. I was high on peyote at the time.
  • I am Redd Foxx’s long lost grandson.

List Three:

  • I pinched the nipples of the Zoolander midget last Friday night.
  • I kissed Flea during Lollalalooza.
  • I been to 30 countries in my life.
  • I can drink like a fish, but one hit of the ganj turns me into a freaky hermit.
  • I shared a glass wine with Tommy Lee Jones while watching dailys for his latest film.

List Four:

  • I am the only person to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
  • I still listen to Vanilla Ice.
  • I am almost eight feet tall
  • There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures I allow to live.
  • Rather than being birthed like a normal child, I instead decided to punch my way out of my mother’s womb.

List Five:

  • I have a wooden leg with a real foot.
  • My nickname is Boogie.
  • I see dead people. But… they’re dead.
  • I don’t like using knives while fighting people.
  • I make love to my hand.

Extra credit if you can guess which line is stolen from the Chuck Norris fact list.

Share/Save/Bookmark