Five Random Facts About Five Random Assholes

18Jan/0630

Five Random Facts About Five Random Assholes

Update 2:00PM: Still, no one has guessed correctly. But now we have a couple of people who are really close.

First hint: #1 is not JJ.

New hint: Check out the scores in the comments section. I think that's enough info to figure it out.

Try again!

Mel tagged me with the Five Random Facts meme that's been going around like VD. But I figured I'd spice it up a little with some help from the team. Now it's not just another retarded meme. It's a GAME!

I convinced each of the writers here at The Churning to list five random facts about themselves. Some lied, and some were entirely truthful. Now here's where you come in. In the comments section, I want you to guess who wrote each list. Your choices are JJ, J.Mo, Ev, Jimmy, and Jillian. If you feel like it, you can also guess which lists are true. I'll post the answers tomorrow.

List One:

I wrote a screen play called “Uwasa.”
I once was accosted by an overweight businessman in Philidelphia for not knowing the difference between communism and socialism.
I once got so drunk that I pissed in the backyard, while people watched.
One time, I went out with this girl, and after eating her out, I immediately French-kissed her. She was not happy.
I was friends with this guy and he split up with his girl. So, I fucked her like 2 days after they had broken up. He came over while we were doing it and saw us through the window.

List Two:

I like midget porn.
I enjoy sniffing the catbox when there's fresh shit in there.
I have eight toes on each foot. Thus, I'm forced to wear clown shoes, because regular ones just don't fit.
I once met Brontasaurus Rex. He was walking through the jungle and he stopped to say hello. I was high on peyote at the time.
I am Redd Foxx's long lost grandson.

List Three:

I pinched the nipples of the Zoolander midget last Friday night.
I kissed Flea during Lollalalooza.
I been to 30 countries in my life.
I can drink like a fish, but one hit of the ganj turns me into a freaky hermit.
I shared a glass wine with Tommy Lee Jones while watching dailys for his latest film.

List Four:

I am the only person to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
I still listen to Vanilla Ice.
I am almost eight feet tall
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures I allow to live.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, I instead decided to punch my way out of my mother’s womb.

List Five:

I have a wooden leg with a real foot.
My nickname is Boogie.
I see dead people. But... they're dead.
I don't like using knives while fighting people.
I make love to my hand.

Extra credit if you can guess which line is stolen from the Chuck Norris fact list.

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Comments (30) Trackbacks (0) ( subscribe to comments on this post )

antickpix
January 18th, 2006 - 00:23

The evolution thing has to be from the Big Chuck list..(didn’t refer to it now, read a while back).
Scott
January 18th, 2006 - 01:53

I don’t know a thing about any of you except Jimmy, but I ain’t no pussy so I’m gonna take some stabs in the dark… Except for one that I’m almost relatively confident of (#2):

1 – JJ
2 – Jimmy
3 – JMo
4 – Ev
5 – Jillian

And this is the Norris rip:
“Rather than being birthed like a normal child, I instead decided to punch my way out of my mother’s womb.”
Diane
January 18th, 2006 - 08:53

My list is like Scott’s except-

1. JJ- TRUE

2. Jimmy- Only partly true. I don’t think he has eight toes on each foot or is Red Foxx’s long lost grandson, but I’ll believe the others.

3. J.Mo- TRUE, but what the hell is the Zoolander midget? Am I behind on watching stupid movies or something?

4. Ev- TRUE

5. Jillian- I haven’t read enough of her stuff to really know if this is true or false but it looks suspect to me.

Someone needs to tell Chuck that like Sly, he’s getting too old to play an action hero.
Maine
January 18th, 2006 - 09:11

I agree with everyone else’s order, but the Chuck fact was the evloution bit about allowing animals to live.

And lists one and three are the true ones.
Sar
January 18th, 2006 - 09:22

Nice job making the meme unique, JJ!

I’m afraid I’m not as familiar with the entire as I should be, but as I read these, all I could think was, that’s one’s Ev, no wait that’s Ev, no that’s definately Ev… So anyway here’s my guess.

1. JJ – or Ev
2. Jimmy – or Ev
3. J.Mo – or Ev
4. Ev
5. Jillian – or Ev

Wanna come play my game now?
mooalex
January 18th, 2006 - 09:39

1- JJ
2- Ev
3- J.Mo
4- Jillian
5- Jimmy

extra credit – The line about punching your way out of your mother’s womb.
Martha
January 18th, 2006 - 09:53

1. JJ – Some are lies
2. Jillian – Lies, all lies
3. JMo – Probably all true
4. Ev – Liar, Liar
5. Jimmy (First I typed 5, Hunny and then changed it.) – Not all true.
April
January 18th, 2006 - 10:19

1. JJ
2. Jimmy
3. JMo
4. Ev
5. Jillian

I suppose that is what everyone else picked too.

Extra Credit: Punching out of mothers womb.
JJ
January 18th, 2006 - 10:46

This is fun! I’ve posted an update, which sort of gives a hint. I’ll post another hint at noon.
mojotek
January 18th, 2006 - 12:02

OK, here’s my go at it…

1. JJ – She was pissed off?
2. Jillian
3. J.Mo
4. Jimmy
5. Ev

Extra Credit: Punching his way out of his mother’s womb.
C Ro
January 18th, 2006 - 12:34

1. JJ
2. Jimmy
3. J.Mo
4. Jillian
5. Ev

Extra Credit: #1, 4, & 5 of List 4.
April
January 18th, 2006 - 13:03

1. Jimmy
2. JJ
3. JMo
4. Evan
5. Jillian
April
January 18th, 2006 - 13:15

Ok, I’m going to try this again for the third time.

1. JMo (if you don’t like girls in that way then, I’m sorry. )
2. JJ
3.Jillian
4. Evan
5. Jimmy

Dude, I’ve got a headache now trying to think about which one of you people I’ve never met wrote this shit. And if Maine can’t get it right, and he’s met at least 2 of you, then I’m definitely up shit’s creek without a paddle.

I’d also like to add that any girl who gets mad about tasting her own shit after sex, needs to quit being so uptight becuase I think it’s just yummy.
C Ro
January 18th, 2006 - 13:31

Shit.

1. J.Mo
2. Ev
3. JJ
4. Jill
5. Jim
mojotek
January 18th, 2006 - 13:50

Damn it, I didn’t think #1 was JJ either, but since your mom put you as #1 I thought that one was in the bag… Hmmm, gonna have to rethink my strategy.

1. Jimmy
2. JJ
3. J. Mo
4. Ev
5. Jillian
Martha
January 18th, 2006 - 13:53

OK:

1. Ev
2. Jillian – Lies, all lies
3. JMo – Probably all true
4. JJ
5. Jimmy (First I typed 5, Hunny and then changed it.) – Not all true.
Maine
January 18th, 2006 - 14:30

Okay, I’m guessing here…

One is a guy, and it’s not JJ, and it’s not EV since it requires having sex with a woman, so I’m guessing Jimmy.

Jimmy being eliminated, I’m now assigning number two to Ev, since the other three are far too normal for him.

I’m sticking with JMo for three.

Since JJ knew the Chuck Norris thing and included it as part of the post, I’m going to assume he also used it and say he was number four.

Jillian gets five by default.
April
January 18th, 2006 - 14:44

Why does #1 have to be a guy, Maine?????? Really, it’s not THAT much of a big deal for a guy to piss while everyone is watching. The rednecks around here do that all of the time. Shit, I think they even PREFER pissing outside rather than in a toilet like normal people. As for all the other points, a woman can do them just a much as a man can.
Maine
January 18th, 2006 - 14:47

April,
Because the last one would read:
“I was friends with this guy and he split up with his girl. So, I fucked her like 2 days after they had broken up. He came over while we were doing it and saw us through the window. I think he’s still jerking off about it to this day.”
JJ
January 18th, 2006 - 14:56

Good point, Maine. Okay people, I’m going to list out the scores so far. This should be a huge hint. I’ll post which are true/false tomorrow.

Antickpix:
1 for extra credit

Scott:
1
Plus 1 for extra credit (Yes, it was a trick. There are more than one from the Chuck Norris fact list.)

Diane:
1

Maine:
1
Plus 1 for extra credit

Sar:
1

MooAlex:
3!
Plus 1 for extra credit

Martha:
2

April:
1
Plus 1 for extra credit

Mojotek:
1
Plus 1 for extra credit

C.Ro:
1
Plus 3 for extra credit!

April (second guess):
2

April (third guess):
2

C.Ro (second guess):
2

Mojotek (second guess):
2

Martha (second guess):
3!

Maine (second guess):
1
April
January 18th, 2006 - 14:56

And that wouldn’t have happened if it were a man and a woman fucking? You know you jerk off to porn, watching a man and woman fuck. It doesn’t have to be 2 women fucking for a man to still be jerking off while thinking about it.
April
January 18th, 2006 - 15:00

1. Evan
2. JJ
3. JMo
4. Jillian
5. Jimmy
mooalex
January 18th, 2006 - 15:23

1 – Ev
2 – JJ
3 – JMo
4 – Jillian
5 – Jimmy

And thanks for the extra credit! Woohoo!
KT
January 18th, 2006 - 17:24

JJ
EV
JMO
JIMMY
JILLIAN

JJ- true, or mostly true
Ev- Probably all true– to Ev.
Jmo- Def. all true
Jimmy- No comment
Jillian- You sound interesting!
KT
January 18th, 2006 - 17:26

Oh, I just saw the first hint.
So,

Jimmy
Ev
Jmo
JJ
Jillian
Diane
January 18th, 2006 - 18:04

That’s the way I see it too- what KT says. Yeah that’s the ticket. After looking at Martha’s post that’s how I had it decided. So are you saying MoJo is right? If so I’m still wrong. LOL
JJ
January 18th, 2006 - 18:23

At least one person guessed right so far.

Answers will be posted tomorrow!
mojotek
January 18th, 2006 - 20:32

I’m going with April and MooAlex.

1.) Ev
2.) JJ
3.) J.Mo
4.) Jillian
5.) Jimmy
Jimmy
January 19th, 2006 - 00:00

shit, i want to play.

what did i write down again?
mel
January 19th, 2006 - 16:43

LMAO. I can’t guess, but this is hilarious. What a great idea.