Jilling and Other Masturbating Euphemisms

February 16th, 2006 by JJ

Update 01/04/2007: If you’d like to add to the list, use this link.
Okay people - time to update another list. This time, we’re dealing with euphemisms for masturbation. Jimmy started this one a while back and The Churning Loyalists added to the list via comments. I’d hate to see all that effort go to waste. So whip it out, rub one off, and add a few suggestions.

  1. Bang yourself
  2. Beat the beaver
  3. Beating the bishop
  4. Bop the bologna
  5. Choking the chicken
  6. Clap your clit
  7. Clicking the mouse
  8. Diddle my skittle
  9. Diddling
  10. Donald trump firing his apprentice
  11. Double clicking the mouse
  12. Fiction friction
  13. Fire off some knuckle-children
  14. Five finger knuckle shuffle
  15. Flicking the bean
  16. Flog the dolphin
  17. Fucking yourself
  18. Getting trigger happy
  19. Going fishing with the man in the boat
  20. Going to the palm prom
  21. Greasin’ the gash
  22. Hand to gland combat
  23. Hit the slit
  24. Hitchhike To The Sky
  25. Holding your sausage hostage
  26. Indiana Jones finding a sweet dig
  27. Jerkin the gerkin
  28. Jilling off
  29. Let the beaver swim
  30. Lubing the tube
  31. Making my girl happy
  32. Pet the poodle
  33. Petting the kitty
  34. Playing air guitar naked
  35. Playing pocket pool
  36. Playing Tug of War With the Cyclops
  37. Polishing the pearl
  38. Roughing up the suspect
  39. Rubbing one out
  40. Rubbing Rob Reiner
  41. Ruin your eyesight
  42. Scratch n’ sniff
  43. Shake and steak
  44. Shuffle your Ipod
  45. Slam the clam
  46. Slapping the salami
  47. Spanking the monkey
  48. Spinnin’ a record
  49. Stroking it
  50. Taking care of my business
  51. Tapping the wookie on the head
  52. Tick the taco
  53. Turning Japanese
  54. Two-finger tango
  55. Visiting Rosy Palms and her five sisters
  56. Walking the dog
  57. Wax on, whack off

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11 Responses to “Jilling and Other Masturbating Euphemisms”

  1. on 16 Feb 2006   April

    Taking care of my business
    Making my girl happy

    Those suck compared to the one’s all ready listed. Sorry =(

  2. on 16 Feb 2006   J.Mo

    yeah, it’s kind of hard to add to this already very comprehensive list. p3 did say one to me this morning: “bang yourself”

  3. on 16 Feb 2006   juicya

    - double clicking the mouse
    - ‘diddling’ [thats the one i personally use]

  4. on 16 Feb 2006   J.Mo

    In the words of Peaches, diddle my skittle.

    I just did a search looking for the song lyrics and this was one of the top listings.

    Hot.

  5. on 17 Feb 2006   Cecil B.

    jerkin the gerkin

  6. on 17 Feb 2006   mojotek

    “Hand to gland combat”

    My single favorite euphamism from the list. I can’t believe I’ve never heard this one before… I think I’m gonna have to work that one into a conversation some time soon.

  7. on 18 Feb 2006   Diane

    Ruining my eyesight? I don’t have anything yet AGAIN! I do though think it’s only right that Jackson Browne have his say on the matter.

  8. on 18 Feb 2006   c-dub

    lubin’ the tube
    fucking yourself
    strokin’ it
    goin’ fishin’ w/the man in the boat
    gettin’ trigger happy
    wax on, whack off
    scratch n’ sniff
    playin’ air guitar nekkid
    turning japanese

  9. on 06 Mar 2006   Diane’s Stuff » Blog Archive » TAG! You’re It!

    […] by Jackson Browne Download rosie.mp3 JJ from The Churning had a post the other day titled “Jilling and Other Masturbating Euphemisms” and while I had a hard time coming […]

  10. on 26 Dec 2006   JJ

    Thanks for all the updates! You guys rock!!

  11. on 04 Jan 2007   The Churning - Another Reason to Hate the Internet » Masturbation Euphemisms: Jilling, Rubbing One Out, Spanking the Monkey, etc.

    […] Remember way back in the day when The Churning would collect super awesome lists of euphemisms for sex terms? You goddamn better remember. One of our classic lists still gets search engine hits on a daily basis, so I figured I’d bring it back and see if you guys can come up with any more additions. Todays topic is: Euphemisms for Masturbating (Male or Female Masturbation). […]

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