The Churning is Run by Slackers
filed in Blogging on Feb.28, 2006
Sometimes I feel guilty for visiting other websites without even attempting to leave a funny comment.
Often, I don’t comment at all - but when I do, it’s usually pretty straightforward. And that sucks, because I love funny comments. When I check my email and I see that The Churning Loyalists have been working hard to come up with something clever to add, I smile like a retarded child. You guys are some funny motherfuckers.
So I wanted to make a list of excuses for myself so I won’t feel so guilty for letting you down. Here’s why I rarely attempt to leave funny comments on other websites:
1. I’m not that funny.
Sure I spend a little time on my entries here and occasionally I end up with something entertaining, but I’m no comedian. That’s why I use such vulgar language. It makes my shit seem that much fucking funnier.
2. I don’t have that kind of time.
I check a lot of websites every day and I usually read at least one post on each. That’s 2 or 3 minutes per site. And I just told you I’m not naturally funny, so if I sit there for another couple of minutes trying to think of something clever, I’m screwed. It’s like comedy homework.
3. I don’t want to be a dick.
Often I read posts that are personal. People come out of the closet online. People talk about their kids. People complain about their jobs. I don’t want to belittle sensitive topics with my juvenile humor. I’m a total nitwit who laughs at shit jokes. What could I possibly add to the conversation?
4. I’m surrounded by slackers.
The other slackers who write for The Churning barely surf blogs at all. Compared to them, I’m the King of Commenters.
5. You’ve already said it all.
By the time I get to your site, there may already be a dozen comments on your latest post. I’m not going to jump in there and try to one-up anybody. It’s like showing up for a party way too late. Everyone’s already drunk and you’ve missed all the inside jokes.
Will my list work like a get out of jail free card? Or should I continue to feel like a cockblock for not leaving comments?
February 28th, 2006
Oh man! Why couldn’t I think of excuses like that?
February 28th, 2006
So you’re one of my lurkers then? LOL
February 28th, 2006
Ha ha, those are great. I’ve actually thought along the same lines as some of those.
February 28th, 2006
Well then from what you said just now, there is no excuse for what I posted Monday then.
A couple of hot and sweaty models for ya to check out too.
February 28th, 2006
People not commenting don’t really bother me, I mean how do you know they were there and didn’t comment unless you’re really anal and do a lot of statistics checking yada yada- What I don’t like are blogs where everyone comments but the person whose blog it is never responds to their commenters…. and no one can fault you for that here at The Churning.
February 28th, 2006
Man, I feel totally honored! Not only have I received the occasional comment from JJ, I’ve actually received one from Ev (but only because I propositioned him).
February 28th, 2006
No, YOU are one funny motherfucker
February 28th, 2006
jj said: “When I check my email and I see that The Churning Loyalists have been working hard to come up with something clever to add, I smile like a retarded child”
jessica says: fuck you, jj. who has to work hard to leave a semi-lame “clever” comment for you? this shit is all natural, baby.
kidding. maybe. i enjoy the churning. although i’m still a little pissed i though ev was a chick for months. but whatev. it’s a good way to piss away a few minutes of my day.
February 28th, 2006
JJ - we have decided, and by we I mean a few of us at work, that you look like this man in Largo who had his girlfriend kill his ex-wife.
His name is Timothy Humphrey. Sentenced to life in prison yesterday. FYI!
Anyway, I just spent more time than I care to admit staring at JD cam. Fascinating stuff!
February 28th, 2006
Mel:
You can use mine if you want.
Christa:
Ha! Yeah, I’m a lurker. Your site is a great example. I love your word games, but I’m too lazy to participate most of the time.
ZF:
That looks like the kind of comment I’d leave. Succinct and to the point… And totally devoid of humor.
MacBros:
That’s a cruel trick. Those ladies need help.
Diane:
I love responding to commenters. This is a discourse… A discourse on farts and sex and drugs, but a discourse nonetheless.
MooAlex:
Even better - JJ’s been a guest writer at your place! Holy shit - I just referred to myself in the third person. Kill me now.
English Guy:
Thanks! It’s very fucking flattering to receive such a nice compliment from someone I look up to. I am totally envious of your web design skills. I want to be your apprentice. (I’m laughing at myself for throwing in a completely unnecessary f-bomb.)
Jessica:
Ev’s not even entirely sure that he’s not a chick.
LC:
I searched Google News for that guy, but couldn’t find a pic. I hope it’s not this dude:
http://timothyhumphrey.com/
February 28th, 2006
JJ….your just a style-biter. Get your own style, bitch!
February 28th, 2006
This is my clever comment. See, it didn’t take long. But it didn’t make me laugh, so maybe it’s not really clever.
February 28th, 2006
i have no clever comments. i don’t leave clever comments. so you should feel free to leave unclever comments as well. it’ll be an unclever club.
speaking of: where the fuck is our ‘pizza’ party?
February 28th, 2006
Sarah says: “speaking of: where the fuck is our ‘pizza’ party?”
NO FUCKING SHIT! QFE!(QUOTED FOR EMPHASIS!)
February 28th, 2006
You said you weren’t funny, but you got a pretty respectable post out of nothing…rare talent that.
February 28th, 2006
Ev:
Suck a fuck.
Mojotek:
I’ve consulted the judges… and it came down to a tie-breaking vote. Yep, it’s clever - but barely.
Sarah:
Excellent question. At this point, I’m looking for some decent pizza. I do know a great pizza shop, but the guy who runs the place is on vacation.
Ev:
You know you’re invited! (Italics added for emphasis.)
Poobah:
Thanks! Yeah, posting doesn’t seem to be a problem for me. But for some reason commenting on other sites makes me sleepy.
February 28th, 2006
Let’s fucking do this!
I’ve got plane tickets, bitches.
February 28th, 2006
The only comment you ever left on my shit that was worth anything was when I posted about non-meat eater weirdo’s like yourself.
Cockblock. That’s what you are JJ, a big, FAT, veggie eating cockblock!!
Sure you can sit there and make up ALL the excuses you want about not commenting on other blogs, but how do you feel when you don’t get as many comments here? You don’t like it do you Veggie Boy?!?!?
You’re one of those really anal statistic checkers that Diane was talking about.
ANAL COCKBLOCKING VEGGIE LOVING ATTENTION WHORE!!
*all typed with love, I promise*
Seriously, Diane made a great point and I’m horrible at it. I vow that from this day on I will respond to all the comments left on my posts. Thank you Diane. And thank you Veggie Boy for just being you. Cockblock.
February 28th, 2006
April:
True, true, true, and true.
February 28th, 2006
I hope you know that I couldn’t type any of that with a straight face. I’ve nothing but love for ya, man. =)
March 1st, 2006
[...] he plan So I thought I’d leave you guys with a word game. And this one’s for JJ - you lazy lurker It’s about association. This is how it works: I leave you guys the [...]
March 1st, 2006
JJ
No.. it’s not that guy!!! Humphrey is actually a handsome murderer!
March 1st, 2006
Keep your comments to yourself!
What am I? Do I look like a comment whore or something.
Gosh!
March 3rd, 2006
Can I adopt those as my excuses too? Another topic. I saw a book that I thought was perfect fodder for your blog.
The Big Book of Filth. For all your dirty slang needs.