It’s a Wrong Number, You Brain-Dead Twat
Mar. 14, 2006 by Jason
Stop calling me!
I realize your friend’s number is very similar to mine, but like I told you, I’m not your friend!
You’ve called me ten times in the last three days. In case you forgot, here’s how it went down.
*ring ring*
Me: Hello.
Lady: Hey! What’s up?!
Me: Do I know you?
Lady: Who dis is?
Me: This is JJ. Who is calling?
*click*
Ten minutes later
*ring ring*
Me: (slightly aggravated) Hello.
Lady: Where Cara at?
Me: I think you have the wrong number.
*click*
Ten minutes later
*ring ring*
Me: Hey, what’s up?
Lady: Who dis?
Me: It’s me, your old buddy.
Lady: What?
Me: So what’s going on? What are you up to today?
*click*
Ten minutes later
*ring ring*
Me: (yelling into the phone) HELLO!
Lady: Hello?
Me: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?
Lady: Who dis?
Me: I DON’T KNOW YOU!
*click*
One day later
*ring ring*
Me: Why are you calling me?
Lady: Who dis? Where Cara at?
Me: Listen - don’t hang up. Listen to me. I don’t know you. Please lose my number.
*click*
Ten minutes later
*ring ring*
Me: What is your problem?
Lady: Where Cara at?
Me: You MUST stop calling me.
*click*
One minute later, I call them back. Caller ID is the greatest invention of our generation.
*ring ring*
Lady: Who dis?
Me: Listen. You keep calling me, and I’ve grown tired of this game. I don’t know you.
Lady: Who dis is?
Me: I’m the guy that you keep calling.
*click*
Ten minutes later
*ring ring*
Me: I’ve had enough.
Lady: Who dis?
Me: Shut up.
*click*
One minute later, I call back again.
*ring ring*
Lady: Who dis?
Me: Don’t hang up. You have a problem. You’re calling the wrong number. I don’t know you.
Lady: Yeah. Your number is just like my friend’s number. One number different. Thank you.
*click*
Why does she keep hanging up on me?!? I thought we were beginning to have a relationship!
11pm last night
*ring ring*
Me: Hello.
Lady: Sorry.
*click*
Then I got two “missed calls” from you this morning. I’ve decided that you are no longer a simple nuisance. You are now my sworn enemy. I hate you. I hope you contract a painful disease that kills you slowly, eating away at your face in the process, and your family vomits everytime they see your worsening deformity.
March 14th, 2006
That lady is secretly me. Sounds like J. the stalker, but much much worse.
March 14th, 2006
you should publish her phone number here. we could all have fun calling her in the middle of the night.
March 14th, 2006
Who dis?
Where Cara at?
*click*
March 14th, 2006
J.Mo:
I’m convinced that this lady is no stalker. She’s just half-retarded. And I hate her.
Stranger:
Funny you should say that. My first draft included the phone number. Then I started to feel guilty. Seriously, she probably doesn’t mean any harm. She’s just stupid. She’s a dimwitted, self-centered moron of a human being. Fuck it. I hate her. (number deleted by JJ)
Zombie:
And to top it off - she has poor grammar! I hate this woman.
March 14th, 2006
At least in your hatred you can write the funniest thing I’ve seen all day - thanks for the laugh.
March 14th, 2006
I have someone who does that all the time too. And it’s always the same lady wanting the same #. One time, I’m going to get the balls to call her at 1:00 AM and see how she likes it!
March 14th, 2006
i’m so glad you gave me that. i won’t call it from my own number (that’d be dumb) but i’m going to have some fun on a payphone soon with the phonecard my mom sent me (wtf do i need a phone card for??? the only phone i own is a cell - and it’s FREE LONG DISTANCE!!! - yeah, mom’s are dumb sometimes lmao)
March 14th, 2006
She needs to learn that it is impolite to hang up on people. That’s usually what bugs me the most about people who had the wrong number…most of them seem to think it’s ok to be rude just because you don’t know them.
March 14th, 2006
That same (not really) person calls my house looking for Jermaine. I have no idea why they keep calling.
And I had a drunk stranger call my cell one time and leave a message:
“Why ain’t you called me?!?!?!? *mumble mubmble mumble* Bitch”
That was nice…
Next time she calls tell her that Cara is out with Jermaine…
March 14th, 2006
Whenever I get those calls (usually on my fucking cellphone), it goes like this:
Me: Hello?
Lady: Who dis is? Where Cara at?
Me: Oh she’s in the bathroom, shooting up.
Lady: huh?
Me: She’s getting on the h-train before the gangbang. I mean, you DO know Cara, right?
Lady: *click*
March 14th, 2006
You wanna send them a Nasty Gram.
Here’s their Mailing Address.
(address deleted by JJ)
March 14th, 2006
Wow, she makes Homer Simpson seem like a genius. Maybe she was dropped on her head as a child? All I know is that you deserve some sort of humanitarian award for putting up with this dumbass.
March 14th, 2006
oh man. that fucking sucks. i wish you could block phone numbers like you can block email addresses. wouldn’t that be awesome?
March 14th, 2006
Well JJ, your frustration made for a laugh. We have the same issue here at my office. Apparently our number is one off from the Sheraton and our receptionist is constantly getting calls for the hotel. I told her she should just start taking reservations. If the people calling are stupid enough not to listen to what’s said when she answers the phone then why let them get away with it?
I LOVE STUPID PEOPLE!
March 14th, 2006
Kristarella:
You’re quite welcome. I actually got a laugh out of it too. It’s kinda fun messing with this lady.
Jane:
I think these people have some kind of mental block that prevents them from correcting their phone list. I know it’s difficult. You gtta erase the wrong number and pencil in the right one. That’s a lot of work!
Stranger:
I just hope this lady doesn’t realize where people got her number. She’s obviously not an intelligent person, but even a dumbass might be able to figure that out.
Christa:
Excellent point! If I call a wrong number, I always apologize for the inconvenience. She barely even acknowledged that she wasted my time.
Itchy:
Here’s an even bigger question… What’s up with Cara and Jermaine? Why are they friends with these assholes? If Cara hangs out with this wrong number lady, then Cara must be half-retarded too.
Ev:
I know that’s true. One of these days, you should write a post about what you say to telemarketers.
MacBros:
Yeah, I looked it up in the reverse directory too. I hesitated to post it, because it made them seem like real people. The caller was a lady, and the address is listed under a man’s name. That means they’re probably a family. It just humanizes it for me. And I don’t want to think of these people as “people.” I want to think of them as faceless idiots whom I can hate freely without feeling guilty.
Lyndon:
*accepting my award*
“I’d like to thank the Academy. And I’d like to thank Cara for giving this dumb bitch the wrong number. Without you, Cara, I would have never written this prize-winning post. Peace in the Middle East!”
Sarah:
I never thought of that! Is it possible? Does the phone company provide this service? I MUST find out.
Ron:
Great idea! Imagine the hotel lobby packed with pissed off tourists.
“Here’s my reservation number - now where’s my room?!?”
“Sir, you said your reservation number is 6-6-6-E-V-I-L. That’s not a real reservation number.”
“But that’s the number the lady on the phone gave me!”
March 14th, 2006
You know… of all the things you do in a day, correctly dialing a 7-digit phone number has got to be one of the easiest. How drunk do you have to be to fuck it up more than twice in a row?
March 14th, 2006
JJ, ask and ye shall receive.
http://www.quietwaterweb.org/?p=1231
March 14th, 2006
JJ, I’m sorry dude! You see, at night when the moon is full, I change into this annoying creature with a high voice that makes wrong phone calls!
This curse has followed me since the day my ex broke up with me and called me a bitch, but I cursed her back by calling her Roy, to where I hear she’s chopping lumber somewhere.
Anyway, I’m truly sorry for annoying you! If I ever make the mistake of calling you again, I’ll bake you a pie!
March 14th, 2006
But why are fuckin’ morons like that still allowed to roam the streets? They’re worse than telemarketeers - at least telewanketeers fuckin’ know they’re screwing with you.
March 14th, 2006
That’s about as bad as the calls I keep getting. They think my number is the Housing Authority and it’s not. I even looked it up because I kept getting so many of them and it is one number off but what kills me is its not even close they keep dialing a 9 when it’s actually a 2 they should be dialing :/
March 14th, 2006
Off with Mrs. (name deleted by JJ)’s head! Or maybe she should just get a bunch of crank calls from all over the country at 1 in the morning asking for Cara… yeah, that sounds better.
March 14th, 2006
How can this be? The woman was blessed with a number containing two (count em two!) 47’s. The universe is not aligned I tell you.
March 14th, 2006
LMAO I hate when that happens. You start out nice because anyone can make a mistake, but three or four times in a row? No way.
March 14th, 2006
I will admit that several years ago, I kept accidentally text messaging some guy who’s cell number was on digit different then my boyfriend at the time. After awhile, he just started texting me for the hell of it. Even asked me to meet him for a drink once, sight unseen. Never did . . . I wonder what happened to him.
I am sure there is a way to get that particular number blocked from your phone if you call the phone company.
March 14th, 2006
Maybe she was the crackhead’s sister
…but that’s reaally weird. She has issues for sure. I think it’s time to get caller id
March 14th, 2006
Maine:
Drunk… or retarded?
Ev:
Excellent work. And for your next task, I suggest you draw a freaky picture that makes people think you’re losing your mind.
Dear Al:
Make it a pizza pie and we’ll call it even.
TC:
“telewanketeers” Classic! I’m totally stealing that.
BlueEyes:
Whoa - that’s dangerous. I’d be tempted to say I work for the Housing Authority, then deny all of their requests. If they can’t dial a number correctly, then they don’t deserve government assistance.
Mojotek:
We gotta keep ol’ (namedeleted by JJ) out of this. For all I know, he’s never dialed a wrong number in his life.
Sar:
Good eye. I didn’t even notice the 47’s!
Diane:
So true. And as my close friends know - it takes quite a while for me to go from “nice” to “aggravated.” This lady pushed me over the edge.
Betsy:
You may have missed out. The mystery texter could have been a 10! The world will never know.
Rosemarie:
She has more than “issues.” Somethiong along the lines of “psychosis.”
March 14th, 2006
i used to (read: still doing it after all these years) give out my number, one number off. then about a year ago, i was a little too drunk for my shoes and decided to call one number off to apologize for years of harassing phone calls from drunk boys i’ve met at bars. only i forgot to block my number.
then i sent dirty messages to some guy i was sleeping with at the time when i was home over christmas break. the lady was nice enough to call me and wish me a happy holidays on my voicemail, and not tell me i’m going to hell or i’m a perv.
um. that might have crossed the TMI line, but i totally feel for “who dis”. ok, i can’t back that up, but we’ve all been there, no?
March 14th, 2006
Ok, I’m sorry. I’ll stop calling you.
March 14th, 2006
Jessica:
“decided to call one number off to apologize for years of harassing phone calls”
I wonder if one number off hates you as much as I hate wrong number lady.
DragonLady:
I see how it is - you and Dear Al were in on it together!
March 14th, 2006
my old cell number in southwest florida appeared to have been the number to a hatian drug dealer… i’d get texted and called at all hours asking if i had the ‘x’
but that’s not as bad as the crack filled phone call days i get at work… if people think answering customer service phone calls are bad, try getting phone calls from people wanting you to investigate that strange light at the sky… ‘put dat on da newz… y’allz gotz to getz dat out dar! peoplez gotz to knowz ’bout dis.’ i really feel you on this one…
March 15th, 2006
Trav:
Speaking of which… You know where I can find some good x?
Also - I’ve deleted the name, phone number and address from the comments. I’m worried they’ll Google it someday and find this post. I left it up there for a day and I think that’s enough.
March 15th, 2006
It would be funny if you got a call from Cara asking if she has any messages…..
March 15th, 2006
LOL denying their requests for housing, sounds pretty good actually. If they can’t even dial the number right what hope have they of getting housing?
March 17th, 2006
You sure she’s not an ex-gf getting back at you?
March 23rd, 2006
Joethe:
“Hi Cara, yes you do have one message. Get a new number!!”
Blueyes:
“First learn to dial a phone. Then reapply for housing assistance. Good luck.”
EG:
Excellent question. At first, I thought it might have been a prank. Still not 100% sure.