Every once in a while, I’ll use a term that’s way outdated.

For example, when I buy a new CD, I’ll say, “Hey, I bought that new Morrissey record.” Yeah, I know I should probably downplay the fact that I listen to Morrissey, but that’s not the point. The point is - I still refer to CDs as “records” or even “albums.” I do have a record player, but I rarely buy records. It seems like a lot of people don’t even buy CDs anymore. Record schmecord. CD schmee-dee.

Here are a few others:

  • Tape
    example: “Did you tape that show you wanted to watch?”
    Does anyone even have VHS anymore? It’s all about TiVo or DVR these days.
  • Rent a video
    example: “Have you seen The Aristocrats?” “Yeah, I rented the video. I was bored out of my fucking mind.”
    This goes back to the VHS thing. Does anyone rent videos? I should say, “I Netflixed that shit, bitch.”
  • Turn the channel
    example: “Why’d you turn the channel? You know I’m watching the Gator game!”
    You kids out there might not believe it, but TVs used to have a dial on them for changing the channel. You’d literally have to “turn” the channel.
  • Dial the phone
    Again with the dials! What was with all the fucking dials? Remember rotary phones? That’s why commercials say “Dial 1-800-FUCK-YOUR-MOTHER” or whatever - you get the point. There’s no need to say “dial” when referring to a phone number - because there’s no “dial” on a modern phone. Just say “call” instead.

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