Gimme a pound of your sweetest chiba:
March 28th, 2006 by Ev
So, my cousin comes over yesterday and well he asks if I need a “pick-me-up” (read: fatty-boom-batty). So he rolls up the stickiest of the icky, and we proceed to get baked.
Suddenly, the phone rings! Now, usually when I’m high, I avoid the phone for obvious reasons. But I thought it might be important, so I answered the phone. The following conversation transpired:
Me: Uhm…Hullo?
Lady: Hello sir, I’m calling on behalf of the Special Olympics which will be in the Richmond, Virginia area soon. The Special Olympics offer a lifetime of enjoyment for the Athletes. The Special Olympics do not receive any funding from the goverment and I’m calling today to accept your pledge to donate for the Special Olympics. Donating can bring just as much enjoyment to you as the Special Olympics brings to our athletes. We have three levels of donating, silver, gold and platinum. Which shall I mark you down for sir?
Me: I don’t have any cash. Can I give them food?
Lady: Well, sir I understand your hesitancy, however you don’t have to pay right now…I ..wait..did you ask about food for the athletes?
Me: Well, I mean yeah, man. I mean, not just the athletes though. I mean, what about the audience and volunteers and shit man. Like..how are they all going to eat?
Lady: I’m not sure about that..let me get my manager for you.
Manager: Hello, sir? How may I help you?
Me: I just want to know where to send the food.
Manager:For the athletes?
Me:For the people, man. The people.
*awkard silence*
Manager:Do you own a catering business, sir?
Me:No. Nothing like that. I’m just a guy.
Manager:Well, why would (she gets condescending here) ‘just a guy’ want to give food to the Special Olympics?
Me:Because, man, the audience can’t eat money, can they? I mean, you don’t eat money, do you? It’s not very nutritious. Do you know how dirty money is, bro?
Manager:I think I understand. Let me give you the number to our corporate offices and you can talk to them about your interest.
Me:Why can’t I talk to you? I haven’t offended you, have I?
Manager:Uh..No sir. I just want to give you this number.
Me:You sound hot. Wanna go out, later? I’m super horny and I’ve got a massive erection.
*click*
RSS
You remember a lot for being baked. I know after I’ve tossed back a few Ketel Ones, I need someone to show me the game day footage. I did what?
Marc, JJ can confirm this, but when you get some really, really good shit, you’re high as a kite, but clear-headed. It’s hard to explain.
I can neither confirm nor deny that.
I have no recollection of that incident.
hahahahahahaha
There was an incident?
I have no recollection of any incident…. Well, except for the Neil Armstrong incident.
That was a great incident.
Incident? I missed a whole incident?
I promise - Someday I’ll write about the Neil Armstrong incident. There’s too much to go into here in the comments area.
Forget the incident - where do I pick me up some o’ that pick-me-up?
I never thought of going this route for getting rid of solicitors. Solicit them for sex. Awesome.
Holy shit, I can’t stop laughing. And I was picturing this conversation between the characters like on Crank Yankers. Have you ever seen that show?