Since we’re on the subject of puking…

I’ve got a particularly embarrassing story about the time I tossed my cookies in seventh grade, but I’m not ready to share just yet. First, I need a little emotional support from The Churning Loyalists. It’s story time, people. Email me your worst, most embarrassing, 100% true story about vomiting. Did you eat your neighbor’s goldfish and puke it up on their bear-skin rug? Did you get drunk at lunch in high school and vomit while playing basketball during recess? C’mon now, if you don’t play along, this thing will die right here.

I’ll collect submissions for the next week or so; let’s say the deadline is Friday April 14. If your story is mildly amusing, I’ll post it on The Churning with a link to your site. And if you don’t have a website, send me a story anyway. I’ll give you credit. And if you want to remain anonymous, that’s cool too.

Email your hurling horror story to thechurning AT gmail DAWT com (silly email formatting style stolen from Maine). Include your name the way you want it to appear here and a link to your site if applicable. I’ll respond to your email to let you know what date your story will be posted. If you never see a reader-submitted puke story here, you’ll know no one wanted to play my little game.

And just so there’s some sort of content on this post - here’s a random vomit-related movie quote. Guess what movie it’s from, but no cheating:

In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max’s toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog… When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out… But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.

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