Belly Bloating Beer Goodness
William from Mountainous Mole Hills sent this one in. It's one of my favorite Puke Week tales so far and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I'm a functional alcoholic. Maybe I just really liked the line about the AIDS virus. Or maybe it's because it includes the most accurate and disgusting description of cold beer vomit I've ever read.
As with most puke stories, this one will degenerate into a drinking story.
I was set to do a Centurion, which is 100 shots of beer in 100 minutes. Drinking a shot of beer sounds quite weak, but add it up, it's about 12 beers in under 2 hours. About 10 minutes before I started I ate a large quarter pounder meal and a cheeseburger. I can't defend that, but it happened, and it really didn't leave much room for the belly-bloating beer goodness. (Go Alliteration Avenger, Go!)
10 shots in and I was completely filled up. I couldn't fit anymore in. When the timer sounded, I took a shot, and ran outside before swallowing. When I gulped it down it immediately came back up again. Cold and frothy, I heaved and expelled the vile mixture into my rose-garden, which now appeared as though it had grown a white mould. Why my vomit was white, I may never know. Perhaps it's one of those questions man is never meant to know the answer to, like "What is the meaning of life?", or "Who exactly fucked that monkey and started the AIDS virus?"
I heaved and heaved, but nary a sprinkle came out. I was exhausted. I lit a cigarette, lay on the cement, and occasionally rolled over to spit into the garden, and that's how my night ended.
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April 18th, 2006 - 08:05
Two questions:
Who else was doing the Centurion? And how hardcore were they, that nobody else came out and puked onto William’s inert body?
Monkey-fucking, heh!
April 18th, 2006 - 09:00
I’m actually slightly turned on by reading this story. I really am. I’m off to the bathroom now, thank you.
April 18th, 2006 - 10:00
Nice, I could have never put into words how nasty it was vomiting and having the beer still be cold and foamy on the way out.
It still sends chills down my spine thinking of it
April 18th, 2006 - 12:55
I didn’t email my story but what the heck:
For my ex’s birthday we went out to dinner. I had a Chinese Chicken Salad. Afterwards we went back to his place where I decided it would be a good idea to drink half a bottle of Vanilla Stoli splashed with some Coke. Natch, that lead to sex and passing out naked. I woke up in the middle of the night because I booted in my own mouth. Panties were nowhere to be found and he had roommates so I grabbed a shirt and wrapped it around my body like a towel and sprinted to the toilet. When I threw open the door to the bathroom my ex was taking a crap and looked at me, shocked, and exclaimed, “What are you doing!?!?” So I turned and barfed in his bathroom sink, clogging it with cabbage. I had to go back the next day with Drano. The End.
April 18th, 2006 - 15:28
No “technicolour yawn” there, then.
Cigarette afterwards, heh? Did the world move for you too?
(JJ: This theme loads in a fraction of the time that the old one did. Fuckin’ sad that I noticed, no?).
April 18th, 2006 - 15:33
I did the centurion and made it to 64– it wasnt pretty.
April 18th, 2006 - 15:38
guy’s i am starting to feel sick .
peace
April 18th, 2006 - 17:14
I think I might agree with April– I’m starting to find myself wondering where this William lives.
April 18th, 2006 - 17:57
You’re tagged!
http://shirleythegreat.blogspot.com/2006/04/eeek-im-it.html
Be there or be a plane figure having four equal sides.
Now please don’t vomit on me!
April 18th, 2006 - 21:35
Would it help if I tagged you up your butt? I hear you’re fags.
April 18th, 2006 - 21:36
I didn’t mean that, don’t vom pizza dough on me!
April 18th, 2006 - 21:41
Hahaha…
I don’t puke pizza dough. I vomit beer. And whiskey on occasion.
Ev says he’ll take the tag. Because tag rhymes with fag.
April 19th, 2006 - 04:41
When I puked after just 10 shots the Centurion was abandoned and we drank beer from the bottle rather than a shot glass. I have done a Centurion before, and yes I threw up quite a lot, but I blacked out and can’t remember enough to have a decent story.