The Churning is a Cult
May. 04, 2006 by Jason
A couple of readers have reported that they can’t read The Churning at work because of their employers’ content filter. I’ve got to be honest - I was completely flattered. The Churning is important enough to be blocked!
See - you could start up a blogspot today and fill it with fucks and shits and cunts and cocksuckers, but it would take weeks for that thing to get blocked. We’re there, bitches! We’re bad. We’re bad. You know it. Jam on.
But then one loyal reader sent in the display message from the content blocker and I was even more flattered. Take a look:
This Web site is blocked by SonicWALL.
If you believe that a Web site is
rated incorrectly click here or
contact the IT department for questions.
URL: http://www.thechurning.com/
Reason for restriction: Forbidden Category “Cult/Occult”
Of course I’m full of myself. And I believe the team here at The Churning kicks more ass than Jack Bauer at a Bin Laden family reunion. But a cult?!? Fucking phenomenal. Let’s get this party started.
May 4th, 2006
You bastard, JJ.
I want one!
*muuuuum…can I have a cult?*
May 4th, 2006
Damn - I am jealous…
Of your new “Title”
Cracked open an ice cold red bull
and I’m drinking it with pleasure…
(Somone has to keep the energy for the ‘cult’…)
May 4th, 2006
Oh, that’s sweet. That’s something I’d be telling everyone.
May 4th, 2006
Who wants punch?
May 4th, 2006
Man that’s way cooler than my number one reason for being blocked. Mine is because the work Fun is in my title.
May 4th, 2006
So do we get a spiffy new outfit for joining your cult, or is it dress casual?
May 4th, 2006
Whoohoo, congrats!! I might join if it looks good on my resume.
… so what’s it called?
The Cult of JJ?
The Churning Cult?
No “ooomph” to that…
The Churn Cult?
JJ’s Occult Cult?
Ugh. Maybe I need some sleep instead.
May 4th, 2006
TC:
The Twisted Chili Cult? I like it!
Peety:
Mmmm… Red Bull. Did you mix in a little vodka?
Benjamin Solah:
You’re working on sites featuring things like the “Carnival of Socialism,” “Marxist fiction anthology,” and the “Far-Left Bloggers Union.” Some right-leaning types might say you’re well on your way to creating a cult.
Ev:
I tasted that punch last time. It made me sleepy. I’m glad I didn’t drink the whole glass.
Jimbo:
“Fun” gets you banned? That sucks donkey balls. Fun is fun.
Lyndon:
I recommend a hooded robe a la ancient druids.
*lynne*:
I say we keep it simple: “The Churning.”
As in, “Hey are you in The Churning?” “Yeah, I had to drink at least two pints of beer and have sex every day for a month for initiation.”
May 4th, 2006
Well you do sorta worship pizza.
May 4th, 2006
That’s totally true. We do worship pizza.
May 4th, 2006
Dammit, Ev. I was gonna say “Pass the punch” but I guess now I’ll have to fall back on some kind of Nike comment. Sonofabitch.
May 4th, 2006
I think it’s time to reintroduce “the churning” bumper stickers back into the masses, remember the ones that drip the blood of the innocent and scream every time someone walks by?
May 4th, 2006
too lazy to email, but thought you might be interested in these: http://gapingvoid.streetcards.com/
May 4th, 2006
Damn, y’all are blasting that mind control and shit, aren’t you? No wonder I can’t stop reading and sharing stories about diarrhea and puking. And here I thought it was some internal failing of mine. No, it’s YOU…it’s you and your evil satanic mind control scheme to control the world.
bwwwahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahh!!!!
ehem.
Sorry, got a bit carried away there in a pinky & the brain sort of way.
May 4th, 2006
A reader of my blog told me that once too… I had no idea G&H was on any ‘blocked sites’ list. Weird how that makes me feel all proud and shit. And congrats on the occult status!
May 4th, 2006
oooohhh… fancy.
if it’s really a cult, can i help design the outfit? none of that weird suit, sneakers, briefcases, and purple triangle action…
and don’t let ev choose, because he likes ratty t-shirts with holes.
May 4th, 2006
Hmm. We have Sonic Wall at work, and The Churning’s not blocked. Apparently my company thinks it’s okay to read cult websites.
Really, you should shoot for “pornography” status.
May 4th, 2006
Marc:
Duhhhh… Pizza is our god.
Ev:
“Totally” - That’s the first word to be entered into the official Churning lexicon. Next up, “dude” “pizza” and “cockblock.”
Randi:
Ev’s been sitting alone in his house with a cup of punch and his Nike’s tied tight just waiting for the order.
Mulk:
That’s what I hoped would happen, but instead the stickers just oozed diarrhea. It was pretty disturbing.
Sarah:
I love it. Actually, that’s what I use the stickers for. I keep a couple with me and hand them out if anyone seems genuinely interested in the whole blogging thing.
Trouble:
“Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?”
“I think so Brain, but pants with horizontal stripes make me look chubby.”
Mojotek:
Hell yes. You gotta take pride in that shit. That’s how you know you’re doing something right.
Jessica:
“don’t let ev choose, because he likes ratty t-shirts with holes.”
Ummmm… Actually Ev already submitted his design. He was hoping for uber-tight pants and muscle shirts covered in pink triangles.
Cinders:
I’ve always been very careful about that. Don’t get me wrong - Porno fucking rocks. But everyone bans porn. And I want to be cooler than everyone else. How many people out there are getting banned becuase of an occult/cult rating? Boo-yah! I’m the winner!
May 5th, 2006
Yay! Now get some celebrity followers and spread the word!
May 5th, 2006
Check it out, when does the mother ship take off? Does this mean I get Katie Holmes as a soul mate? I would let her scream during childbirth…
May 5th, 2006
JJ, you rule not because you’re big enough to be censored, but because you name dropped my Jack!
Kudos on your recognition. And Happy Friday & Cinco de Mayo - stop by and play “Mi Amgio Blogger”!
May 5th, 2006
Cult, huh? Go figure.
I am being censored and banned at most offices, but haven’t gotten that “cult” status yet.
I envy you.
May 8th, 2006
A cult now? CRAPTACULAR! My blog’s banned by the junior high in Liberty Texas. LMAO
August 14th, 2006
[...] Looks like the webfilter at her office has dropped us from the list of banned sites. This is the same webfilter that had The Churning listed as cult/occult for the past three months. [...]