It happened a couple of weeks ago as Momo and I were falling asleep in bed. I was just starting to doze off when Momo whispered…

Momo: “Do you smell that?”
Me: “No.”
Momo: “You sure?”
Me: “Yes.”
Momo: “It kinda stinks.”
Me: “It wasn’t me.”
Momo: “Fuck I hope not. It smells like Cheerios and armpits.”
Me: “Go to sleep.”
Momo: “I can’t. It really stinks.”

I figured it was time to give up on trying to fall asleep, but I honestly didn’t smell a thing. I knew I had to investigate, so I started sniffing - the air, my armpits, the pillows, the sheets. It was pitch black, so I sort of had to feel my way around as I sniffed. Then just as I lifted my pillow to sniff underneath, it hit me like a wave of filth.

The smell was unbearable - wafting from under the pillow. I have no idea why I couldn’t smell it at first. I jumped out of bed and turned on the light.

Me: “Holy shit that stinks!”
Momo: “I told you!”
Me: “What the fuck?!?”
Momo: “I think it’s piss.”
Me: “Is that even possible?”
Momo: “JD was alone in here earlier. He hadn’t been out for a while.”
Me: “The fucking dog pissed under my pillow?!?”

Obviously the little fella had to go. And I guess he couldn’t get our attention. He’s normally very well behaved. I assume he just couldn’t help it. Plus it was all dried up like it had happened hours earlier.

Of course we had to change the sheets, clean the bed and start the laundry. We stayed up so late dealing with it that we were exhausted the next day at work.

I’m thinking he chose my side of the bed to make some kind of point. Like he was trying to get revenge on me for something. “That’s what these fuckers get for giving me a bath!” That was the first time he fucked up in months and he hasn’t made any mistakes since - so I don’t hate him or anything. I just wish the little bastard could talk so he could tell me when he’s upset instead of acting like an asshole.

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