Dear Thief, I Hope Your Mother Hates You

22Jun/0620

Dear Thief, I Hope Your Mother Hates You

As I mentioned a couple of days ago, some piece of shit broke into my car and stole my stereo. The car was parked in a lot outside my buddy's apartment in Maryland. The thief ripped the door handle from the driver's side of the car, possibly with a crowbar. Then he (I'm assuming it's a dude) pulled apart my dash panel and pulled out my stereo.

The car is a 2003 Subaru WRX (fast as fuck). It's the nicest car I've ever owned and it was a huge investment. A couple of years ago, I saved up some cash and bought a decent sound system, including an Alpine head unit and Polk speakers. I wanted to be frugal about it, so I did the installation myself. It wasn't perfect, but I busted my ass to get that shit sounding right. This was a really big deal to me.

Here's my car:

subaru wrx

And here's what the dash looks like now:

Now I'd like to take a moment to address the thief who ripped me off.

You selfish bag of shit,

I've worked some shitty jobs over the last few years and the money I've made is for my wife and I. You have no right to our money or possessions. Yes I have a nice car, but that's because I work my fucking ass off. I spend two hours a day in my car driving back and forth to work, so I've chosen to sacrifice other luxuries in life to allow me to drive the car I choose.

You fucked with me. You stole my shit. You damaged my vehicle. You made my wife and I feel unsafe. You cost me hundreds of dollars in repairs. You wasted my time. You made my insurance rates go up.

I hope that you have a horrible drug addiction you sold the stereo for a fix. I hope that one day you will nearly overdose but survive and receive permanent brain damage. I hope your family can't afford the medical bills. I hope you end up a drooling vegetable sitting in your own feces and no one cares enough to clean you up. I hope you die alone.

I'd like to drive wood chips under your fingernails one at a time. I'd like to pry your nostrils open until they rip from your face. I'd like to smash your cheekbones in with a sledgehammer. I'd like to permanently disfigure you so horribly that your girlfriend can never bear to have sex with you again without vomiting.

You are a drain on society who cares about no one else but yourself. You are intellectually inferior to everyone around you. You are emotionally weak. You have the personal moral code of a child. You are not human.

I hope you never find happiness.

Sincerely,
JJ

Damn. I feel so much better now.

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Comments (20) Trackbacks (1) ( subscribe to comments on this post )

rockyjay
June 23rd, 2006 - 07:36

You surprise me. I always had you down as an automatic guy, not a stick shift.

Have you already mastered “left foot braking” in order to keep turbo pressure on the red and reduce overstreering?

I once test-drove the World Rally version (Group N) of your car in Europe; on a gravel. Nice.

Hopefully you get your radio back or alternatively the thief catches the Anthrax and dies — for some reason I hope the latter solution.
Ev
June 23rd, 2006 - 08:48

Man, there is nothing lower than fucking with another man’s vehicle.

What a ball-less cock’tard.
JJ
June 23rd, 2006 - 10:02

RockyJay:
An automatic guy? I think I should feel insulted…
I learned to drive on a manual 1989 Mustang. That thing was badass.
Left foot braking? No. As much as the rex is designed for rally racing, I really only take advantage of its power on the straightaway. I can kill just about anyone at a red light. The AWD makes all four of those z-rated tires work overtime off the line. The thing won’t peel out if you know what you’re doing. It just goes.

Ev:
He deserves to have none of his dreams fulfilled.
Ma Titwonky
June 23rd, 2006 - 12:13

Well said! You feel better after having written this? Gawd, I feel better for you after reading it!
antickpix
June 23rd, 2006 - 14:33

damn..that’s a bummer.
trouble
June 23rd, 2006 - 16:17

There’s nothing like a good fuck you letter.
HRD
June 23rd, 2006 - 18:21

sorry JJ about the car… lets hope his mother kicks his ass.
J.Mo
June 23rd, 2006 - 19:17

I talked to P3’s building manager. She didn’t help much, not that I thought that she could. She said that we should have called the police. I told her that your insurance company said there was no point. She said there is a hole in the fence near the visitor parking and she has heard from other tenants’ in P3’s building that kids climb through late at night. Sorry, JJ. I feel bad about it. I know how proud you are of your car.
Jimbo
June 23rd, 2006 - 20:13

Yeah that shit sucks. A few years back I had a truck that got broken into and made me want to “choke a bitch”. Anyway, I’m sure the thief will get whats coming.
MacBros
June 23rd, 2006 - 21:28

I don’t think a low life like this actually has a girlfriend JJ. He’s so self centerd that he more likey masturbates in the kitchen to satisfy himself.

I know exactly how you feel. Having something stolen from you makes you feel so violated. It sickens me when I hear about fuck heads like this stealing from hard working and decent people. Well hard working in your case anyway

I hope you find the scumm and give him a good Cock Punch!

PS: Maybe ya should submit a FNFO to the bastard?
cinders
June 24th, 2006 - 01:34

Remember when my car got broken into and they took my stereo, my shoes and my rearview mirror?

And I had to drive around with a battery powered radio sitting in the passenger’s seat until I could afford a new stereo?

Yeah, that sucked. Here’s hoping you get all fixed up right quick.
big al
June 25th, 2006 - 12:29

must have been some fucked up crackhead .
hate it when people can not leave there hands of of other peoples belongings.

hope you get it fixed soon bro.

peace
Diane
June 26th, 2006 - 00:15

I feel for you JJ. My daughter Steph has a Mustang convertible and the last apartment complex she lived at someone slit the top to get inside and rip off her stereo. She doesn’t live there anymore, that was enough. I have my stereo hidden inside of my glove box. I didn’t do it that way to keep away thieves though, I did it so it wouldn’t screw up the original dash. It serves a two-fold purpose that way at least. You’re probably not far off on the horrible drug addiction. Worthless mf’s.
LC
June 26th, 2006 - 11:40

Wow.. that letter. It’s violent.. it’s harsh.. it’s awful.
It’s kind of a turn-on!!

Sorry about your car.. it’s still bad ass, though!!
Dave
June 26th, 2006 - 13:48

But the important thing is, you’re not bitter

Still sucks though. My condolences.
The Soviet
June 26th, 2006 - 14:53

i’ve always been intrigued by the chrome pedals on this particular car. must be the designer in me because that’s what i felt made it so badass.

what losers break into cars anymore ? that’s just so … raven.

sorry, though, jj. that absolutely blows gay peruvian packing llamas.
Lick My Sack
June 27th, 2006 - 01:03

Was that the same mustang that spent some time tearing ass around a field in Brandon?

Some cocksore toting motherfucker broke into my old truck once by popping the locks and cutting the radio wire harness as close to the nub as they could. Had to get a whole new wire harness for some big dough. at least they unplugged yours making the damage a little less. Still, they deserve a few kicks to the nuts to make it all better. enough kicks to take their seed out of the gene pool.

anyways, sorry to hear about your break in. Sweet ride for sure… AWD sure is fun in the turns.
JJ
June 27th, 2006 - 14:45

Ma Titwonky:
You have a very unusual name.

antickpix:
Definitely a bumer. I’m finally getting my car back today. It’s been a week!

Trouble:
But a”fuck me” letter is a close second.

HRD:
Hopefully. Though I suspect his mother doesn’t give a shit. To raise a kid who has those kind of morals.. ugh.

J.Mo:
Yeah, I was kind of surprised that the insurance company told me not to waste my time reporting it to the cops. She said they wouldn’t care.

Jimbo:
Karma’s a bitch.

MacBros:
I should’ve submitted a FNFO for the fucker. But as angry as I am, I’m feeling even lazier.

Cinders:
Yeah, I know what it’s like. I drove the two hours back to Philly listening to my headphones.

Big Al:
Thanks, Al. I’m getting my car back in a couple of hours. Though it’ll never be the same…

Diane:
Don’t you drive some kind of 70’s muscle car? I can’t remember. I’d love to race you, but you’d probably destroy me and my little Japanese turbo 4-cyl.

LC:
My anger’s a turn-on? Damn…. Too bad I’m usually so even-keeled.

Dave:
Yeah – I’m not normally a “bitter” guy. But this shit got my blood boiling.

Soviet:
“gay peruvian packing llamas”
Oooh… I had no idea such a creature existed… sounds so exotic!

Lick My Sack:
I like your new screen name.
Yeah, the Mustang I ROLLED! I’ve got to write about that someday.
Martha
June 28th, 2006 - 06:21

I am so sorry about your car. I wish the thief could read, but he probably can’t. I’m looking forward to the Mustang story. If you want an “after” picture, I have it somewhere.
C-Dub
August 6th, 2006 - 18:11

Sorry about the bad luck. I can’t stand a damn theif.
Nice car though. I like the subaru impreza myself. any subaru is a nice vehicle choice.