As I mentioned a couple of days ago, some piece of shit broke into my car and stole my stereo. The car was parked in a lot outside my buddy’s apartment in Maryland. The thief ripped the door handle from the driver’s side of the car, possibly with a crowbar. Then he (I’m assuming it’s a dude) pulled apart my dash panel and pulled out my stereo.

The car is a 2003 Subaru WRX (fast as fuck). It’s the nicest car I’ve ever owned and it was a huge investment. A couple of years ago, I saved up some cash and bought a decent sound system, including an Alpine head unit and Polk speakers. I wanted to be frugal about it, so I did the installation myself. It wasn’t perfect, but I busted my ass to get that shit sounding right. This was a really big deal to me.

Here’s my car:

subaru wrx

And here’s what the dash looks like now:

Now I’d like to take a moment to address the thief who ripped me off.

You selfish bag of shit,

I’ve worked some shitty jobs over the last few years and the money I’ve made is for my wife and I. You have no right to our money or possessions. Yes I have a nice car, but that’s because I work my fucking ass off. I spend two hours a day in my car driving back and forth to work, so I’ve chosen to sacrifice other luxuries in life to allow me to drive the car I choose.

You fucked with me. You stole my shit. You damaged my vehicle. You made my wife and I feel unsafe. You cost me hundreds of dollars in repairs. You wasted my time. You made my insurance rates go up.

I hope that you have a horrible drug addiction you sold the stereo for a fix. I hope that one day you will nearly overdose but survive and receive permanent brain damage. I hope your family can’t afford the medical bills. I hope you end up a drooling vegetable sitting in your own feces and no one cares enough to clean you up. I hope you die alone.

I’d like to drive wood chips under your fingernails one at a time. I’d like to pry your nostrils open until they rip from your face. I’d like to smash your cheekbones in with a sledgehammer. I’d like to permanently disfigure you so horribly that your girlfriend can never bear to have sex with you again without vomiting.

You are a drain on society who cares about no one else but yourself. You are intellectually inferior to everyone around you. You are emotionally weak. You have the personal moral code of a child. You are not human.

I hope you never find happiness.

Sincerely,
JJ

Damn. I feel so much better now.

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