To this day, I still remember a dream I had nearly 20 years ago. I was a pre-teen, and I often thought about puberty. Would I grow chest hair? When would my pubes grow in? When would I lose my virginity?

One night, I dreamt that I had pubic hair. It was sudden. The hair had grown in overnight.

In the dream, I woke up and walked into the bathroom to take my morning shower. I pulled off my underwear and noticed I had a giant afro of hair on my cock. Yes I said “on my cock.” My little fella kind of looked like Dwayne from What’s Happenin’.

I freaked out. I knew that pubes were supposed to grow on my nutsack and around the base of my johnson. But that area was totally bald. All I had was a little ‘fro on my penis head. I was fucking terrified.

Then I woke up in a cold sweat.

I immediately turned on the lights and checked out my junk. Still no pubes. Thank fucking god. That was probably the one time I was actually happy that I hadn’t yet grown penis hedges.