Fantasy Football is for Great Big Dorks

24Aug/0623

Fantasy Football is for Great Big Dorks

fantasy football helmet = 20 sided die

I'm a fantasy football novice, but I succumbed to the pressure and I've decided to join a league with my co-workers. I think one reason I've been so hesitant to play along is the fact that fantasy football is for nerds. These are the people who used to play role playing games, collect baseball cards, and continue to wear sports jerseys in public (well into their adulthood).

You're not buying into my theory that fantasy sports are for geeks? Just take a look at my list of similarities between fantasy football and Dungeons and Dragons:

Random selection of the draft order = Rolling a 20 sided die
The draft = Creating new characters
The NFL = The "realm"
Your players = Your characters
Your fantasy league = Your characters' "world"
Your league's "commissioner" = The "dungeon master"
The "smack talk' message board = "Flaming the n00bs"
Obsessively checking player stats to make the best decisions each week = Fighting dozens of small battles to earn experience points
Watching games all day Sunday = Sitting through all night RPG sessions on lonely Saturday nights
Talking smack because your runningback had a huge weekend = Bragging to your dorky friends that you just "leveled up"
Assigning your players in preparation for Sunday = Buying weapons and supplies to prepare for a raid
"You picked Oakland's defense? Dumbass." = "You're gonna be a dwarf? Pwn3d."
"Lookout, bitch! I'm playing Larry Johnson this week!" = "I'm arming my +99 helmet of the gods! All your base are belong to us!"

_______________________________

Are you a huge sports

fan? If you want to find extra information about football

or your other favorite sports,

simply sign online! Whether you love college football

or tennis, the internet can provide you with all of the game scores and

collectables you need!

Tagged as: sports Leave a comment

Comments (23) Trackbacks (1) ( subscribe to comments on this post )

mojotek
August 24th, 2006 - 11:36

OK, I may see the similarities, but I’m not a dork damn it! Well at least I don’t ‘talk smack’ or brag about who I’m playing this week. Meh, who am I kidding… Shaun Alexander is going to pwn you next week n00b!!!!
cinders
August 24th, 2006 - 12:01

Um, you sure seem to know a lot about D&D there, JJ…
sarah
August 24th, 2006 - 12:57

yeah, you know a little too much about d&d to not ALREADY be a dork.

and seriously, fucking fantasy football? that’s way way way way way worse than a little d&d.

it’s lucky you’re already married because your cred? gone.
antickpix
August 24th, 2006 - 13:03

all your base belong to us!
JJ
August 24th, 2006 - 13:14

Mojo:
You got Alexander in your draft? You lucky sunuvabitch!

Cinders:
Yeah, I was a great big dork when I was a kid. Then I got into punk rock and skateboarding and left D&D behind. Don’t get me wrong – I’m still a dork, but my interests are maybe just a little less dorky.

Sarah:
1. Actually, those tidbits are a mix of old school D&D references, combined with some mmorpg stuff. But yes, both of those things are dorky and yes I am a dork.
2. Truth is, I tend to agree with you. Fantasy football may actualy be worse than RPGs.
3. C’mon now – I never had any cred, you silly goose.

Antickpix:
You are on the path to destruction.
juicya
August 24th, 2006 - 13:55

Im sending this to my boyfriend– he embodies Fantasy gamer to fantasy league
travis
August 24th, 2006 - 17:40

i’m with cinders on this one… you know way too much about that stuff… and jj… that’s such an “slc punk” cliche!
Splinter
August 24th, 2006 - 23:51

Hell yea!

JJ is a hard core D&D fanatic. Either that, or a hard core TNMT RPG fanatic. How old were we when we were kicking the D&D jams? 13 or 14? Regardless, it was time, well, spent. Also brings me back to dungeon master on your old Amiga.

Were we taking expiditions to the haunted house then? That old barn was fucking freaky at night. At least we had our wristrockets to protect us.

Anyways, roll to hit.
Splinter
August 25th, 2006 - 00:07

Follow that shit up with ‘how i flipped the white stang’ and it’s blogging gold.

Anyways, I completely agree with your FFL angle.. it’s a complete crap shoot. how else could i have achieved victory last season against those much better equipped with football knowledge?

Answer: I rolled a fucking 20 and Brady kicked some ass.
The Soviet
August 25th, 2006 - 01:28

I’m a nerd. I admit. I’m in four leagues. and to think i was going to “downgrade” this year.
LC
August 25th, 2006 - 08:23

I also agree with Cinders – that was my first thought.. How in the hell does he know so much about that stupid game?

My husband is ALL OVER the stupid fantasy football.. so I am sticking up for it.
In my opinion, fantasy football is just an excuse for a bunch of guys to go to a huge sports bar every Sunday, watch sports and get off their asses drunk.

That is the entire reason behind fantasy football.

But there are way “dorkier” fantasy things.. Fantasy baseball, fantasy hockey.. and YES.. even Fantasy Nascar.

Figure that one out!?!?!
JJ
August 25th, 2006 - 11:19

JuicyA:
He sounds like a real nerd.

Travis:
You’re right. My whole life’s a sham. I’m a walking cliche. Dammit.

Splinter:
Kickin’ it old school. Yeah, TMNT was definitely the most fun. Especially when played by demented, cruel, 13-year-old alcoholics in training.

Soviet:
Damn. That’s some serious commitment. Or an unhealthy obsession. I’m not sure which.

LC:
Yes, there are dorkier things than Fantasy Football. But there are also dorkier things than showing up to a Star Wars premiere decked out in full costume. But that doesn’t make it cool.
Plus, watching sports and drinking with friends is one thing. Pretending to run your own team in a fictional league is completely different.

That being said, I readily admit that I’m playing along this year. Our draft was yesterday and I’m already sort of psyched about my team. Fuck!
Kristyn
August 25th, 2006 - 12:32

I’m willing to admit that I actually love fantasy football (though I love all things football, so it makes sense). That said, I’m actually a gamer, I play D&D, yup, I do. I even play 2ed. AD&D in a 3ed D&D world. Oh and to top of my dorkiness, I also collect Dice!

I actually won in my fantasy football league the first season I ever played. Hear me roar!

Kristyn
antickpix
August 25th, 2006 - 13:21

foist ze base, zen ze wuhld!
shirley
August 25th, 2006 - 18:01

I’m thinking about joining the Onion’s fantasy football thingy. You win if you pick the worst possible team! (I’m surprisingly good at that)
MacBros
August 25th, 2006 - 20:51

HA! I can can imagine what the stadiums would look like with a bunch of DORKS sitting in the stands!

I wonder if the whales would be there too?

I never got into D&D (tried but can’t), let along with this. LOL.
C-Dub
August 26th, 2006 - 17:28

I need to forward this to all my buddies that want me to play that mess.
Old Green Sock
August 27th, 2006 - 15:47

D&D and FFL are both in my life under the category “Things I can tell my parents/spouse/boss that I am doing without saying ‘getting fucking wasted’” here are some more that I like to use or have used:

“Going to band practice”
“going skating”
“going to the library”
“going food shopping”
“meeting with my proffesor”
“going to work”
“going to school”
“playing D&D”
“FFL night”
“watchin’ the game”
“waking up”
and so on…..
feel free to invent your own! Now that we know the “real” meaning of these activities its quite clear that you are in no danger of being “Nerdy” or “Dorky” JJ because getting wasted is cool. good luck on your draft picks and dont forget to roll vs. your perception before crossing the street.
My Balls
August 27th, 2006 - 23:14

Hell yea! Draft order was determined this year by a D12. I ended up in 7th draft place but still picked up some fucking winners.

This article is spot on.

Roll to dodge
Oskar Syahbana
August 29th, 2006 - 01:22

Well you know… it takes one to know one lol
JJ
August 30th, 2006 - 21:21

Kristyn:
Wow, you really are a gamer.

Antickpix:
Ich regiere!

Shirley:
That only helps in fantasy land. That skill won’t do you any good in Atlantic City.

MacBros:
A stadium full of whale cocks? Sounds like a seriously hot porn flick.

C-Dub:
Hopefully it’ll help you get out of it. It’s such a commitment.

Old Green Sock:
Damn, you’ve got a lot of excuses for sneaking away to get wasted. Rock n’ fucking roll.

My Balls:
I can’t respond to your comment, because that would mean I was having a conversation with my balls. The men in white coats could put me away for something like that.

Oskar:
I know… It’s so sad.
mistakes
August 21st, 2007 - 17:29

There is nothing wrong with being dorky.
I’ve played D&D and never gotten into fantasy football.
I think all of it keeps me from doing other things like,
uh, lets say smoking and drinking or having unprotected sex with strangers.

and the Dorks shall inherit the earth
Lolamus
July 30th, 2008 - 15:07

Ok, I’m obsessed with FFL, but I couldn’t have possibly understood this correlation simply because I never played Dungeons + Dragons. I must say, FFL is not nearly [as] dorky because I can get together with my fellow players and throw back a few drinks while watching an entertaining game or two (or even three)..
There’s nothing wrong with a little healthy competition and smack talking and discussing the rules of the game, great plays and bad calls. Hell, there are radio stations and cable networks dedicated to sports in whole (where many fantasy sports can be derrived). Watching football is a much a national pastime as playing the game is, and practically betting on players’ performances is as addicticting as gambling itself.

Am I offended?? Ever so slightly.

To those bastards out there that just don’t get it: It’s time to dream up another wicked come-back for those more social than you.