Remember way back in the day when The Churning would collect super awesome lists of euphemisms for sex terms? You goddamn better remember. One of our classic lists still gets search engine hits on a daily basis, so I figured I’d bring it back and see if you guys can come up with any more additions. Todays topic is: Euphemisms for Masturbating (Male or Female Masturbation).

  1. A date with Palmela Handerson
  2. Acting out the grapes of wrath
  3. Backing your fist
  4. Bang yourself
  5. Beat the beaver
  6. Beating my meat
  7. Beating the bishop
  8. Bop the bologna
  9. Choking the chicken
  10. Clap your clit
  11. Clean the bean
  12. Clicking the mouse
  13. Dating Hannie Palmer
  14. Diddle my skittle
  15. Diddling
  16. Donald trump firing his apprentice
  17. Double clicking the mouse
  18. Fiction friction
  19. Fire off some knuckle-children
  20. Five finger shuffle
  21. Flickin’ the kitten
  22. Flicking the bean
  23. Flog the dolphin
  24. Fucking yourself
  25. Getting trigger happy
  26. Going fishing with the man in the boat
  27. Going to the palm prom
  28. Greasin’ the gash
  29. Hand to gland combat
  30. Having a knee trembler
  31. Hit the slit
  32. Hitchhike To The Sky
  33. Holding your sausage hostage
  34. Indiana Jones finding a sweet dig
  35. Jacking off
  36. Jerkin the gerkin
  37. Jerking off
  38. Jibber jab
  39. Jilling off
  40. Let the beaver swim
  41. Lubing the tube
  42. Making it snow
  43. Making my girl happy
  44. Making stomach pancakes
  45. Milking the cow
  46. One handed baseball
  47. Painting the ceiling
  48. Pet the poodle
  49. Petting the kitty
  50. Playing air guitar naked
  51. Playing pocket pool
  52. Playing tug of war with the cyclops
  53. Pole dancing
  54. Polishing the pearl
  55. Pumping the keg
  56. Revving the engine
  57. Roughing up the suspect
  58. Rub the nub
  59. Rubbing one out
  60. Rubbing Rob Reiner
  61. Ruin your eyesight
  62. Scrach and sniff
  63. Scraping off the scabs
  64. Scratch n’ sniff
  65. Shake and steak
  66. Shuffle your Ipod
  67. Slam the clam
  68. Slapping the salami
  69. Slicking Willie
  70. Spanking the monkey
  71. Spinnin’ a record
  72. Squishing the squidgie
  73. Stroking it
  74. Stroking the one-eyed snake
  75. Taking care of my business
  76. Tapping the wookie on the head
  77. Thinking of your mom
  78. Tick the taco
  79. Tickle your pickle
  80. Turning Japanese
  81. Two-finger tango
  82. Visit from the five-fingered aunty
  83. Visiting Rosy Palms and her five sisters
  84. Walking the dog
  85. Wax on, whack off
  86. Whippin off a batch
  87. Wrestling the one eyed monster

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