Masturbation Euphemisms: Jilling, Rubbing One Out, Spanking the Monkey, etc.

Remember way back in the day when The Churning would collect super awesome lists of euphemisms for sex terms? You goddamn better remember. One of our classic lists still gets search engine hits on a daily basis, so I figured I'd bring it back and see if you guys can come up with any more additions. Todays topic is: Euphemisms for Masturbating (Male or Female Masturbation).

1. A date with Palmela Handerson
2. Acting out the grapes of wrath
3. Backing your fist
4. Bang yourself
5. Beat the beaver
6. Beating my meat
7. Beating the bishop
8. Bop the bologna
9. Choking the chicken
10. Clap your clit
11. Clean the bean
12. Clicking the mouse
13. Dating Hannie Palmer
14. Diddle my skittle
15. Diddling
16. Donald trump firing his apprentice
17. Double clicking the mouse
18. Fiction friction
19. Fire off some knuckle-children
20. Five finger shuffle
21. Flickin’ the kitten
22. Flicking the bean
23. Flog the dolphin
24. Fucking yourself
25. Getting trigger happy
26. Going fishing with the man in the boat
27. Going to the palm prom
28. Greasin’ the gash
29. Hand to gland combat
30. Having a knee trembler
31. Hit the slit
32. Hitchhike To The Sky
33. Holding your sausage hostage
34. Indiana Jones finding a sweet dig
35. Jacking off
36. Jerkin the gerkin
37. Jerking off
38. Jibber jab
39. Jilling off
40. Let the beaver swim
41. Lubing the tube
42. Making it snow
43. Making my girl happy
44. Making stomach pancakes
45. Milking the cow
46. One handed baseball
47. Painting the ceiling
48. Pet the poodle
49. Petting the kitty
50. Playing air guitar naked
51. Playing pocket pool
52. Playing tug of war with the cyclops
53. Pole dancing
54. Polishing the pearl
55. Pumping the keg
56. Revving the engine
57. Roughing up the suspect
58. Rub the nub
59. Rubbing one out
60. Rubbing Rob Reiner
61. Ruin your eyesight
62. Scrach and sniff
63. Scraping off the scabs
64. Scratch n’ sniff
65. Shake and steak
66. Shuffle your Ipod
67. Slam the clam
68. Slapping the salami
69. Slicking Willie
70. Spanking the monkey
71. Spinnin’ a record
72. Squishing the squidgie
73. Stroking it
74. Stroking the one-eyed snake
75. Taking care of my business
76. Tapping the wookie on the head
77. Thinking of your mom
78. Tick the taco
79. Tickle your pickle
80. Turning Japanese
81. Two-finger tango
82. Visit from the five-fingered aunty
83. Visiting Rosy Palms and her five sisters
84. Walking the dog
85. Wax on, whack off
86. Whippin off a batch
87. Wrestling the one eyed monster