Happy Elvismas and Go Gators!

As you are all aware, my alma mater Florida is facing off tonight against the evil Buckeyes in the College Football National Championship game. And while the Ohio State faithful will surely pray to their heartland deity Jesus Christ for divine assistance (how cliché can you get?), my college roommate Joe wants Gator fans to seek the help of a true Southern god-hero-king, Elvis Presley. Here's Joe's request:

Another year,
another celebration of the birth of The King.

It’s Elvis’ Birthday and depending on how well you know me,
you know exactly what this means to me.
Well, this year it has extra special meaning.
You see, my beloved University of Florida
Fightin Florida Gators American-Style Football Club
is playing some jackass team from ohio
for the National Championship.

So normally I would take this yearly opportunity
to remind you to raise a glass to ole Señor Presley
and maybe update you on my life
[I moved to New York City. Still in “the industry”,
still “writing”. New girlfriend, same poverty.
Do visit. Blah blah blah]

But this year things are different.
Not that I’m big into fate
or harmonic convergence or what have you,
but my Gators are playing on Elvismas for the big one,
so I cannot ignore the coincidence.

Which brings me to the little favor for joejeo:
I want you to clearly say…
right as your reading this email…
out loud…
just once…
and not just in your head because he can’t hear you…
(I mean ‘duh’)
I want you to say…

“Hey Elvis, help them Gators win today!”

See, I figure both sides,
Florida and ohio
are entreating Jesus and God.
So what side to take, right?
The one with more Evangelicals?
Bob Jones doesn’t even have a 1-A squad for f*ck sake!
I’m saying all them dudes are sticking with the
Impartial Observer bit.
And with Allah,
well, I’m not even going to get into that…
well let’s just say
it’s got his non-anthropomorphic-in-any-way hands
full right now.
Oi!

So that leaves us with Elvis.
One thing that everyone used to say about Elvis
was that he loved his fans.
He really loved his fans.
So if a huge number of people ask him to pull for one team.
And he can hear us (big IF)
Well, I imagine that he’s down in the TV room
in that great big Graceland in the Sky.
Oh boy and you know he loves his college ball.
Well, I’m just sayin, with a little asking,
he might help with a few first downs
for Chris Leak and the boys.

So today as you open presents,
watch “Viva Las Vegas” or “Mystery Train”,
get hammered and make an ass of yourself,
or just blithely notice it’s his birthday on IMDb today,
take a moment to ask him out loud to help out the Gators.

I know it’s silly,
but it’s silly not too.
(uh… right?)

“Hey Elvis, help them Gators win today!”

Happy Elvismas Everybody!
Go Gators.

-joe