How to Impress a Crowd at a Rock n’ Roll Show
March 2nd, 2007 by JJ
The Arcade Fire played on SNL last week, and at the end of “Intervention” the singer smashed his acoustic guitar. It almost seemed contrived, like he was trying to look like a rock star.
It made me think - What could The Codes do on stage to impress a crowd (in addition to playing well)? Something that isn’t cliché. Something unique.
Dozens of rockers have smashed their instruments on stage. The Red Hot Chili Peppers (and several other bands) have played naked. I once saw Anal Cunt light a broom on fire and throw it into the crowd like a spear. GG Allin cut himself and took a shit on stage. GWAR sprayed fake blood, semen, and piss on the crowd. The Genitorturers gave audience members body piercings during their set.
So I was going through this list with Ryanboy and he said, “Why don’t you just shove your guitar up your ass?”
That’s just silly. I don’t want to get shit on my guitar. Plus, it simply wouldn’t fit. The tuning keys would get caught on my sphincter. So I came up with another idea…
We could have our drummer shove a drumstick up his ass so the tip is sticking out and he could use it to play the ride cymbal, bouncing his ass up and down. Good idea, right? …Somehow I don’t think he’d be into it.
Any other ideas?
RSS
You don’t happen to have any female flute players in your band, do you? Or harajuku girls?
Maybe one of you could really master a break dance move (i.e. the worm, pop-locking or the robot) and really throw the crowd for a loop.
You could all throw raw eggs at the crowd.
That would be eggs-cellent.
**groan**
Or, the band could throw pot brownies at the crowd…I’ll be standing in the front row for that show.
You could do a cover of Meatloaf’s “Paradise by The Dashboard Light”.
Hmmmmm….I could think of things all day….
*joe “TFKoP”
trouble:
Harajuku girls? I think Gwen Stefani beat us to the punch. We did have a similar idea though - how about a hype man? Like in hip-hop. Just some dude jumping around trying to get the crowd pumped up.
randi:
Duhhh… I’m already a break-dancing master. I can pop and lock with the best of ‘em.
joe “TFKoP”:
I love Meatloaf. You know that’s no joke.
And the brownies are a great idea. Maybe a doobie-toss!
You could all make out with eachother between songs.
Might have to do that Prince move with the guitar.
Kevin:
Yeah, I saw Green Day do that back in the day. Though it’s probably not cliche at this point.
Nappy40:
I love that move. Maybe we could take it one step further and wear giant strap-on dildoes for an even better silhouette.
Dress in drag.
My two suggestions: boys in the band kiss each other and based on having seen PFunk do this, I’d say simulated anal sex is a good crowd pleaser.
Is wearing socks on your dingaling cliched?
BTW, JJ, I just read your response to my comment on your apathy post. Thanks a lot. I really appreciate it when someone who I think has a really good sense of humor tells me they think my writing is funny. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about quitting. So much effort, so little reward. Anyway, Mark Twain once said he could live for 2 weeks on a compliment, and I think you just got another 2 weeks out of me.
When I was like 11 years old.. my mom dragged me to a Rod Stewart concert. I remember he kicked soccer balls into the crowd.
I thought he was sooo cool!!!
I say you guys bring back the soccer ball.. or change it up a bit and punt footballs into the crowd.
That would be the coolest thing EVER!!!!
light your eyebrows on fire.
or hair.
pubes.
MacBros:
That just might happen.
Julie:
The idea of making out seems like a popular suggestion. But I think the simulated anal sounds more fun.
Diesel:
Cock socks? RHCP style? That might be a little played out, plus I’d need a really small sock.
LC:
How about bowling balls?
antickpix:
Yes! It’s dangerous - it could even lead to permanent scarring. I love this idea.
I’ve got it. Man are you gonna knock em dead, kid!
You all come out onstage, in banana outfits. Before you play, you all strip the banana suits, and underneath you’re wearing the inside-out body-suit that the public access guy used to wear. You all gather round in a circle, light a black candle (none of that pink shit you keep in your sock drawer) and say a satanic prayer.
Then, the lights go dark, when they come up again, you’re each wearing a Tonya Harding wig and play the rest of the show in iceskates.
It’s GENIUS.
Just jump into the front row and start punching random people in the face.
No, sorry…hold on. I think that’s Axl Rose’s signature move.
Maybe you could just bow politely, wave to the crowd and sincerely thank them for coming out. No one does that.
ooh..ooh..also..
drummer uses only one stick and some man pills.