Economy Class is for Suckers

I took a lot of notes during my recent business trip to Kuala Lumpur. This is the first in a series of posts about my experience.

Before this trip, I had never flown first class. Let me tell you - first class is insane.

There are fresh flowers everywhere, standing individually in artfully folded napkins. They are placed in the first class restrooms, on the snack trays, and the dinner cart.

The seats are a work of art - at least in the first suite. They face away from each other at a slight angle so the passenger sitting next to you is not in your immediate peripheral vision. And there's no danger of accidentally bumping elbows with someone. The seats have all the controls of a fancy office massage chair. You can move forward and back, adjust lumbar support, use the lumbar massage feature, open the foot rest, and there's even a button marked "bed" that turns the whole thing into, well, a bed. And they give you a blanket, a regular size pillow, and a smaller pillow - all with fresh linens, not that crappy gossamer pillowcase you get in economy class.

The seat is the center piece to your own personal office space. You have a reading lamp, an LCD screen for movies, a power source for your laptop, a couple of drink holders, big cushy headphones, and a personal grooming kit with face soap, lotion, toothpaste, lip balm, mouthwash, tissues, earplugs, eye covering thingy, and socks.

The flight attendant constantly asked me if I wanted another beverage or a hot towel or a different movie (amazing selection by the way - Stranger than Fiction, Dreamgirls, Blood Diamond, etc). But instead of watching their movies on the little personal LCD screen, I plugged in my laptop and watched a couple of DVDs that I brought along for the trip. I almost forgot how much I love Scarface.

The food is truly fantastic. And I'm not just saying that it's good compared to other airline food. This shit is brilliant, even for a vegetarian. I know I just keep listing things, but fuck it. I had French toast, fresh fruit, yogurt, potato and leek quiche, mixed greens with balsamic vinaigrette and croutons, egg fried rice, a cheese platter, focaccia bread, Heineken, pinot noir, port, Tanqueray and tonic, and various juices and bottled water. The port knocked me out. Literally. The flight attendant asked if I'd like a little port wine to go with my fruit and cheese tray. Then she made some remark about how she always says "port wine" by mistake when you're really supposed to refer to it simply as "port". I said, "Yes please. I love port." "Really? Oh then I'll give you a full glass." Normally you'd serve port in a glass designed for desert wines. But she filled up a red wine glass. A wine glass full of port can be a dangerous thing. I was asleep within half an hour.

And when it's time to eat, the flight attendant places a mini tablecloth on your dinner tray then serves your food on real plates and gives you real stainless steel flatware. And of course, the drinks are served in glass, not plastic.

I can't believe I nearly forgot the champagne. As soon as I boarded and found my seat, the flight attendant brought me a glass of bubbly. I've always imagined what goes on behind that blue curtain in first class. I'll tell you right now: It's champagne, flowers, and extreme politeness from the time you board to the time you land.