Can you outrun a moped?

This morning, as Lulu and I were driving through Philly on the way to work, we saw the most fucked up chase. Okay, fucked up might not be the right term. Surreal would be more accurate. It was like I was still sleeping and experienced a peculiar dream - only I was clearly awake.

We were heading north on 20th Street near Locust. This is a one way road in the heart of Center City. There were cars everywhere, moving at a pretty brisk pace. Traffic in Philadelphia isn't terrible, so we were all probably doing 30 through the city.

Suddenly, I heard tires screeching. Everyone's brake lights lit up and I slammed on my brakes just in time.

A couple of cars ahead of me, I saw a fat white guy run across the street in front of traffic. He was shirtless, wearing baggy paint-smeared pants with his gut spilling over the edge. He was clenching a shirt in one hand. Dude was really moving too - full on sprinting.

As he made it to the sidewalk, breathing heavy and sweating, I saw that he wasn't just running for his health - he was being chased! A giant black dude came barreling down 20th Street on a moped, going against traffic.

This was all happening within a matter of maybe five seconds. Cars slammed on their brakes, the fat white guy ran across traffic, and the fat black dude was chasing him on a moped.

This guy on the moped was morbidly obese. He got closer to the group of stopped cars, and weaved in between the two lanes. I was then able to get a closer look at him. His giant arms looked like pillows stuffed into the sleeves of a windbreaker, as his fat-covered biceps slapped against the cars' mirrors.

He then rode past us and I caught a glimpse of his face. Sweat dripped down the guy's cheeks. Maneuvering the moped was a real workout for this behemoth. And his tongue... Holy shit that thing was a monster. Dude's tongue was as big as a burrito, dangling out through his fat lips. He was full on panting.

And as quickly as it began, it was all over. The shirtless white guy was gone and the moped guy took off behind us, continuing the chase.

Traffic started moving again, and we continued the commute to work wondering... WTF?