Splitstream

Holy shit - I can't believe I never told you this story before.

It happened in high school. My sophomore year. Just after lunch, I went to the restroom to take a piss before heading back to class. The men's room was lined with urinals - the kind that are full length from chest height down to a drain in the floor.

There was only one other guy in the restroom at the time. Class was about to start.

I sauntered up to a urinal, whipped it out and started letting it flow. The other guy was pissing a couple urinals over to my left. He mumbled something incoherently. He had a snide tone to his voice like he was mocking me. I was a little flustered by it. Was he checking out my cock? I ignored him.

A second later, he repeated himself - this time much louder. "You're pissing on yourself!"

I looked down and aimed up. There it was, the infamous split stream. I had two streams of piss coming from my dick - now both of them hitting porcelain. Before adjusting my aim, one of the streams had apparently been hitting the left leg of my jeans.

I finished my piss and kept my head down in embarrassment. When I finally looked up again, I was alone in there. The bell rang. I was late.

I washed my hands and checked myself out in the mirror. It was obvious what had happened. I could have made an excuse - like I spilled a soda on myself or accidentally splashed myself in the sink. But even if it were true, high school kids wouldn't let such an obvious opportunity for ridicule someone pass by.

So excuses weren't an option. How about a cover-up? I was wearing a t-shirt with a flannel long sleeve on top. This was the 90's after all. I took off my flannel and held it in front of me as I walked out of the restroom. I figured it looked like I took off my shirt because I was warm.

As I entered the room for my next class, no one really seemed to notice I was late. Kids were still chatting, waiting for the teacher to start. I made my way to my desk, set down my books, and kept my shirt on my lap, draped over my legs.

I could smell the piss wafting up, but it really wasn't enough for anyone else to pinpoint.. Every few minutes through the rest of the class, I peeked down to see if it was drying up. Sure enough, the wet spot went away within maybe half an hour.

I have no idea what caused the splitstream. It was probably just a fluke. But to this day, I am always very very cautious when starting up - making sure I hit porcelain and nothing else.