Jurors are big fat babies

30Jun/0916

Jurors are big fat babies

People hate jury duty. It's the one day when adults are forced to act like adults - and that's fucking bullshit. When you get your summons in the mail, the letter reminds you of a few basic rules: dress appropriately, leave your cell phones and weapons at home, and show up on time. Then when you first arrive, you are bombarded with signs reminding you of those same basic rules. A couple others are added, like no smoking in the courthouse, and no food or drinks.

Rules rules rules. Fuck rules. There was a huge line at the security check-in, where court officers were confiscating cell phones (you can get it back at the end of the day) and telling people to throw away their food and drinks. People were pissed. They were in sheer disbelief that a court officer would have the balls to tell them they can't bring a fountain Coke into the building. And how dare you take my cell phone!

These people, by the way, were mostly dressed in shorts, tshirts, jeans, even tank tops. Fucking slobs. Luckily for them, the court won't turn someone away for being dressed like an idiot. Being charged with contempt of court would be a huge pain in the ass. Because then you'd have to come back - only this time you wouldn't be in the jury box.

Once you get inside, there's a lot of waiting. Sitting around on hard wooden benches and chairs while counting the hours. Got jury duty anytime soon? Better bring a book. Or two.

And how do adults act when they are forced to wait around in silence? Like little fucking children, that's how. It's really not that hard to understand. You're in court. There are cases going on all around you. Life or death shit. And some of that shit is in the newspapers. So the next rule is: No fucking talking. The court officials can't have their jurors discussing any ongoing trials, and the easiest way to make that happen is to prevent them from talking. Well it sounds easy anyway.

You know what happens when you tell a 3 year old to sit still and keep quiet? They can't stand it. They giggle and jabber and fidget. Just like a Philadelphia juror. To me, sitting still for a day while reading a good book isn't that difficult. It's actually kind of nice to have a little peace and quiet - to get a break from my stressful workweek. To the average juror, it's torture.

Throughout the day, people were laughing and chatting, and eating and sleeping. Somehow, several people managed to sneak their cell phones into the building (shit - if they can sneak cell phones in, does that mean people could sneak weapons in too?). So cell phones were ringing every few minutes. And people snuck food in too. Some fat chick pulled a family size bag of chips out of her oversized purse and chowed the fuck down.

So after you've waited several hours, you enter the jury selection process. That's when they choose 14 people for a trial out of your group of 50 or so. During this process they ask a lot of questions. Things like - would you believe a police officer's testimony over that of anyone else just because of their profession? Can you understand that just because someone is in custody does not mean they are guilty - that they are innocent until proven guilty? Can you set aside your personal prejudices and give your opinion on this case simply based on the evidence presented?

Several people saw these questions as their opportunity to get out of serving.

Judge: "Would you believe the testimony of a police officer over someone else just because they are a police officer?"
Childish weasel of a juror: "Yep."
Judge: "What if I asked you to set aside the officer's profession and treat their testimony just like the testimony of anyone else. Could you follow that instruction?"
Childish weasel of a juror: "Nope."
Judge: "So you're telling me you always believe what an officer says simply because of their job?"
Childish weasel of a juror: "Yes."
*Judge winces, knowing that the juror is just trying to get out of serving.*

This happened a few times with various questions. One guy even claimed he would be unable to discuss the case with the other jurors during deliberations - because after that conversation he would be unable to form his own opinion. He'd be too influenced and intimidated by the other jurors.

You know what? How about you act like an adult and follow the judge's instructions? This is Philadelphia. Birthplace of the Declaration of Independence. Other countries don't give their citizens things like the right to a trial by a jury of your peers, the right to a speedy trial, or the right to decline to testify in court. This is the fucking judicial system. How about you quit making excuses, quit trying to sneak food and cell phones into the courthouse, and quit acting like a fidgety, giggling child.

Listen - jury duty sucks. It really really sucks. But let's all agree that we all share the same obligation to serve on a jury from time to time. Let's show up when summoned, wait quietly as we meet our responsibility, and act like adults for one simple fucking day.

Tagged as: philly Leave a comment

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JJ
June 30th, 2009 - 15:46

And no I did not get selected for a jury. I was fortunate enough to be done after a single day. Still – I was patient and quiet during the whole boring process.
April
June 30th, 2009 - 16:10

It completely doesn’t surprise me that there were people like that there. Philly isn’t the best breeding ground for quality people these days.

You know, it’s almost good that these people acted this way to not get chosen. Who would want an asshole like that to be on the jury of their case? They can’t be mature enough to patiently wait, even though it sucks, they certainly wouldn’t be mature enough to make a good decision during a trial. Fucking idiots. I say this every single day, and I’ll say it again: I fucking hate people sometimes. (Excluding you, of course.)
.-= April´s last blog ..TMI Tuesday =-.
Jack Mule
June 30th, 2009 - 17:11

So does that mean you wore a chewbacca outfit under you dress slacks, shirt, and tie?

Fucking savage.
woenvu
July 1st, 2009 - 02:35

Hahaha. In India, jury duty was abolished in the ’70s when the court decided that the trial by peers in the country is a BAD fucking idea.
.-= woenvu´s last blog ..bother =-.
Randi
July 2nd, 2009 - 17:19

Jury duty in CA must be different, they allow you to bring in cell phones and computers to work. In the Ventura courthouse where I do jury duty, the chairs are nice and cushioned, there’s even a TV room. Never heard of a dress code… and if you want to have snacks there are vending machines in the hall and they allow you to go to the cafeteria where a speaker will alert you if you’re chosen for the selection process.
I love California.
.-= Randi´s last blog ..The Hot House =-.
Tom
July 14th, 2009 - 17:17

I loved and appreciate your rant on Jury duty. I run the claims department for a mid sized insurance company and when we have to decide whether or not to try a cse on its merits, the quality or lack there of a;ways influences our decision on settlement dollars.

As for the honorable post from the “broke” state of California, do you see any connections in the states lack of $ and the entitled attitude of its citizens………….
Jack Mule
July 16th, 2009 - 12:45

Excellent logic Tom!!!

A statement from one Californian holds true for all californians.

That’s why they no longer have elections and instead merely hand out free government weed and cheese on election day.
Jim Pony
July 20th, 2009 - 11:02

Well it looks like Sarasota jury duty kick Philly’s ass. We had nice padded seats, we were allowed to talk AND we were allowed to bring in laptops. If only I had remembered my headphones. AND lucky for me, all of the cases were settled by 10AM and I was excused.
NHB
September 13th, 2009 - 23:03

Jury duty in Philly. The birthplace of our Republic. That is a fucking privilege. I have been summoned several times here in my little town. I have then, naturally, been immediately disqualified. What, I can’t be impartial? JJ, I’m glad you realize the importance of this duty. Oh, BTW, everyone remember this tip: If you did it, elect a jury trial. If you’re innocent, waive the jury and request a Judge only.
.-= NHB´s last blog ..A Winter Story to Warm Your Heart =-.
Bob
March 3rd, 2010 - 17:33

its not one day, at least inot n the uk its likely to be two weeks but ofcourse it could take years depending on the trial.

Being forced to do a job you do not wish to do is slavery. You are likely to lose a lot of money due to loss of earnings because they do not pay enough to cover salery so mortgages, cars, debt payments etc could all go bye bye getitng you in more debt, having bailiffs round, losing your house, car etc.

You have got to find carers for your ill relatives if you care for them, you have to find child minderes for possibly 10 hours or more a day. How can you vet all the child minders you will need to make sure they are safe for you to leave your kids with. How do you ever recover from the financial strain? If you have your own business then you may have to say goodbye to that and spend the rest of your life paying off the loan you took out to start it.

With all the stresses above, and im only scatching the surface, how can you have a clear head to give a fair trial to the defendands if you are constantly worrying and trying to figure out how the hell you are going to live and put food on the table for your children if you can even put a roof over their heads?
Mr. Satan
July 20th, 2010 - 16:45

What if you’re answering the pre-selection questions truthfully though? I would seriously rather murder 1,000 children than see the corrupt American court system jail another hard-working citizen……high-level white collar criminals walk on a daily basis yet we spend billions to jail for petty crime….
JJ
July 20th, 2010 - 17:07

Hmmm. Not so sure I agree. Here in Philly there are muggings, criminals who shoot at cops, flash riots, etc. I want these fuckers to be prosecuted. And yeah – prosecute the white collar thieves too. Put em all away.
Storkville
February 20th, 2011 - 04:26

All moms probably will enjoy these new cute baby pictures and videos. It’s just a reminder what fun life is having little ones.
Cameron
May 24th, 2011 - 18:13

I can understand the other side of this issue.

For many people, jury duty means missing work, or for students, school. And neither of those things are valid excuses to get out of jury duty. The pay for jury duty is abysmal; it never comes close to matching an individual’s salary, so bills aren’t paid, food cannot be purchased, and sometimes rent is late depending on the duration of the trial. And if you’re a student — forget it. It doesn’t matter that you paid for that entire semester already; you get to fail and redo the entire semester (and YOU get to pay for it) because some guy stole a car on the other side of the state.

And if you don’t have a car, you get to take the bus there. Because even inadequate transportation isn’t an excuse. Of course, the courthouse isn’t willing to provide anything to get you there, but it’s still not an excuse. You just have to find a way. Somehow. Or else you’re fined thousands of dollars for not showing up.

So please understand: Our dislike for this process has nothing to do with our lack of patriotism, or our inability “to act like adults”. Most of us just have bills to pay, or other obligations entirely. You’re kind of oversimplifying the issue. People aren’t “big fat babies” when they just want to get out of court and return to work so they can pay their rent.

That said, they could easily remedy the whole situation by only selecting the unemployed. These people don’t even have jobs to attend, and they’ll get paid for showing up. How awesome is that? Exceptions could be made for people who have job interviews coming up, and that would be that.
juror?
August 22nd, 2011 - 08:11

how about kiss my ass, no where did I sign a contract agreeing I would be a juror.
I care less about other peoples problems, and the law in this country sucks period, if you know a judge you get away with murder, hell half the judges or more are as crooked as they come, cops? HAHAHAHHA yea, they suck too, but I will tell ya, if I am in a court room, I am damn sure not going to believe one work the so called defendant has to say, you KNOW he;/she are lieing their ass off!
they dont care
August 22nd, 2011 - 08:18

“If you have your own business then you may have to say goodbye to that and spend the rest of your life paying off the loan you took out to start it”

I am in that boat now, they have canceled jury duty twice on me now, and now, then I could have handled missing a couple days, but right now I can not, and they give a shit less, close the business is all they say, WTF kind of attitude is that? , Today I’m going to tell them, they can call my banker and tell them why I can not make this month’s payments, and I am going to send them a bill for the show that I have already paid to attend, I have coming up this week, which will be missed and is my last opportunity to make a decent chunk of cash for the year. I have already let my last help go early this year, I guess it is time to go on welfare!!