Search Strings – Porn that will make you sick

I stopped paying attention to stats a couple years ago. But on a whim today, I took a peek. And I see that The Churning has had 1,771,694 unique visitors in its lifetime. That's a lot, right? Should I be making money off this shit?

Anyway, the stat tracker I use also shows keyword activity. And it's always kind of fun to see what you sick fucks are looking for when you land on my site. Here are a few examples from the last hour:

1. Porn that will make you sick - I don't have that here unfortunately. But I HAVE thought about it. In fact, I once had the genius idea of creating a porn site called OpenSorePorn.com. There's got to be a market for that, right? But getting into that business is a whole mess of shit. In corporate buzzwords, that's just not in my wheelhouse.
2. Best place to pee in a urinal - Now THIS is the kind of topic I can help with. I brought it up once before - and even included illustrations! I think the ricochet is the best bet. Just don't put too much force behind it or you'll find yourself the victim of a piss boomerang.
3. Porn really disgusting that it will make you vomit - Jesus, people give me a break here. The closest thing I can do for you is to show you the infamous Opie and Anthony Baby Bird video where a grown man vomited gallons and gallons of egg nog into another grown man's mouth. It's not porn, but it might make you puke. Good luck.
4. Open a bottle with vagina - YES! I saw this feat in person. But I don't have video or pictures. It was in a Thailand strip club where you could literally be beaten to death for whipping out a camera. But I can share a few details.
5. My bf masturbates daily in shower - Ladies, please stop focusing so much on what your guy does when he's alone. People are so concerned with the "normal" amount of masturbation - it's easily the #1 most common search term for my site. Long story short - if you're not hurting yourself, you're probably okay. And if you think your spouse is jerking off too often, ask them to do it when you're not around.

THIS is what you people are looking for? And The Churning is where you ended up?!? Shit. This site really is a piece of garbage littering the Internet.