I’m trying to think of a word that doesn’t yet exist on Google. That way, if anyone ever searches for that word, they’ll end up here. Too bad every fun word I can think of has already been invented. Here’s a list of my first attempts. This turned out to be a surreal exercise in free association. For extra credit, I decided to make up definitions for them.

• fuckstatic - I’m imagining the softcore porn channels that were blocked on old school cable TV, making them come in all distorted and fuzzy.
• shitfist - No, not fisting. That’s creepy and weird. This could be where you dip your fist in dogshit then punch someone in the face. See? Much less creepy than fisting.
• spackleface - I have no idea how this popped into my head. Maybe this is when someone gets so much plastic surgery done that their face looks like it was plastered on their head and smoothed over with sandpaper (i.e. Michael Jackson).
• shitcase - This is easy. It’s a vessel for shit. I don’t know why someone would want to carry shit with them, but if they wanted to they could tote it in a shitcase.
• bitcheteria - Hmmmm… Maybe a high school cafeteria full of prissy cunts.

Grandma might need a little help getting ready for DTV.

(Thanks to Cupps for recommending this vid)

A recent article in Philadelphia Magazine got me thinking about the lack of eloquence in modern politics. This is a country once known for charismatic civic and political leaders who taught us “The only thing to fear is fear itself.” They urged us to “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.” And they had a dream that our children “will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”

Those leaders have been replaced by candidates who lower themselves to the level of Joe Six-Pack. They act like we are all the same. We all speak with an eighth-grade comprehension level. We’re all mavericks and rebels. And we all mispronounce nuclear (nukular? WTF?)

The same is true for the rest of our strongest voices. The modern-day civil leaders are the Oprahs and Dr. Phils of the world, kowtowing to shreiking housewives whose mascara runs with tears at the knowledge that they have a surprise gift under their studio audience chair. It’s embarrassing really. What are we teaching our children? What is important in life?

I’ll close with a quote from Einstein. This is from a lecture he gave to grammar school children in 1934. The tone and eloquence he delivered to these children is far above that of our modern politicians speaking to registered voters.

My dear children: I rejoice to see you before me today, happy youth of a sunny and fortunate land. Bear in mind that the wonderful things that you learn in your schools are the work of many generations, produced by enthusiastic effort and infinite labour in every country of the world. All this is put into your hands as your inheritance in order that you may receive it, honour it, and add to it, and one day faithfully hand it on to your children. Thus do we mortals achieve immortality in the permanent things which we create in common. If you always keep that in mind you will find meaning in life and work and acquire the right attitude towards other nations and ages.
- Albert Einstein, 1934

Side note: Joe Six-Pack and The Maverick would be a perfect name for a duo of right-wing radio show hosts.

Final side note: I realize I might sound like a hypocrite. I’m a childish blogger who talks about porn and shares camel toe pics. My defense is that I am not a civil leader. I just want to make you laugh or think from time to time. I expect more from our politicians. I want our next president to be smarter than me.

They represent the the heart of America. They’re hard-workin’, God-fearin’ registered voters. And these folks know what they want: lower taxes, better job security… and “whites only” drinking fountains.

Is it just me or does it seem weird that Al Jazeera is the news agency bringing this to light?

He doesn’t even have a plumbing license. What an ass.