My buddy Ralphie Parker got a badass decoder ring from Ovaltine last week. When he deciphered the numbers he heard on the radio, it said “Drink The Codes.” I’m not sure what that means, but I think it has something to do with our gig Tuesday March 20 at The Khyber.

I promise I don’t hate you. How could I possibly hate anyone who likes The Codes?
(more…)

The Arcade Fire played on SNL last week, and at the end of “Intervention” the singer smashed his acoustic guitar. It almost seemed contrived, like he was trying to look like a rock star.

It made me think - What could The Codes do on stage to impress a crowd (in addition to playing well)? Something that isn’t cliché. Something unique.

Dozens of rockers have smashed their instruments on stage. The Red Hot Chili Peppers (and several other bands) have played naked. I once saw Anal Cunt light a broom on fire and throw it into the crowd like a spear. GG Allin cut himself and took a shit on stage. GWAR sprayed fake blood, semen, and piss on the crowd. The Genitorturers gave audience members body piercings during their set.

So I was going through this list with Ryanboy and he said, “Why don’t you just shove your guitar up your ass?”

That’s just silly. I don’t want to get shit on my guitar. Plus, it simply wouldn’t fit. The tuning keys would get caught on my sphincter. So I came up with another idea…

We could have our drummer shove a drumstick up his ass so the tip is sticking out and he could use it to play the ride cymbal, bouncing his ass up and down. Good idea, right? …Somehow I don’t think he’d be into it.

Any other ideas?

If you’re not interested in guitar talk, you may want to skip this post…

Now that The Codes are experiencing some minor success, I figured it was time to swap out my cheap pawn shop guitar for something decent. The whole process started a few months ago when a good friend gave me an American made Fender Stratocaster as a gift. I call this a “process” because I decided to pimp that guitar by upgrading the tuning keys, bridge setup, and pickups - in addition to a couple of aesthetic changes.

Here are the “before and after” shots. As you can see, I started with a standard black and white Strat. First, I made some inexpensive aesthetic upgrades - switching out the white pickguard for red pearloid and the white volume and tone knobs for black.

Then I made a few changes to improve the sound and feel of the guitar. I had an issue with the standard Fender bridge set (where the strings rest on the tremolo just below the pickguard). I was breaking strings on a regular basis. So I replaced the bridge set with Graph Tech FerraGlide Saddles. And while I was at it, I also decide to replace the tuning keys on the headstock for smoother tuning. I chose Planet Waves Auto Trim Tuning Machines (not pictured). Both the bridge saddles and tuning keys were a Christmas gift from sweet Momo.

And my boy Ian hooked me up with new pickups for my rig (another x-mas gift). He did a lot of research and decided on GFS Pro-tube Lipstick-style pickups. They’re the three little black tubes in the pictures. The standard Strat includes three 4.9khz pickups, which give it that twangy lead guitar sound. But I’m playing rhythm guitar in The Codes, so I wanted a fuller sound with better mids and lows. The GFS Pro-tubes are three different pickups: 4.9khz, 6khz, and 8khz. They allow for a wider range of sound and styles.

And last but not least, I needed an amp powerful enough for gigs. For practice sessions, I was playing through a Fender Blues Junior. It’s a great amp and I’m definitely going to keep it for rehearsals. But it’s just not powerful enough to play live with drums. So I started checking Craigslist and eBay daily looking for a good deal on a used amp. I bid on a couple of different models on eBay and ended up getting outbid. Then I found the perfect amp on Craigslist. It’s a Kustom Coupe ‘36 - an all-tube amp like the Blues Junior, but it’s more than twice as powerful. Plus, it has two channels with a foot switch, and an additional “boost” switch for leads. And of course it looks badass. Guitar One magazine just gave this amp it’s annual “One Award“.

So I’m all set for now… Though I have to admit I’m addicted to Craigslist and eBay now.

Sort of…

I need your help.

Philly Car Share is sponsoring an independent music contest called Philly Sound Clash. The top 12 bands will be included on a local compilation CD that will be distributed for free around the city.

Please please please take two minutes and vote for The Codes.

Register here (for free!).

Then vote here.

And spread the word. Thanks!!!

I’ll let you know when our presidential bid becomes official.

Later skaters,
JJ

P.S. I should also remind you that we’re playing the Knitting Factory (Old Office) in NYC on January 31st and we’re playing the Khyber in Philly on February 6th. Check out The Codes website for details.

I have a proposition for you. If you accept, your website will get a link here at The Churning, which has a 5/10 page rank. But first, let me start by admitting I totally stole this idea from blog maven Tricia, who runs Tricia’s Musings.

Most of you know that in addition to The Churning, I also run a website for my band, The Codes. The trouble is - that site isn’t really a blog (even though we do add new content on a regular basis). And since it’s not a blog, it doesn’t have a blogroll. And since it doesn’t have a blogroll, it’s not easy to trade links with people like I do here.

No links for The Codes = zero Google page rank = low search engine rankings. Basically, I’m fucked. That’s where Tricia’s solution comes into play.

I want you to include a link to The Codes website (http://thecodes.net/main) in one of your upcoming blog posts. In exchange, I will include your site in a blog review here at The Churning. And I promise the review will be positive. I don’t necessarily need you to tell people to visit http://thecodes.net/main, or add the site to your blogroll, or even post the link prominently. This is all about page rank, not exposure.

The easiest way to participate would be to make a passing reference to my band in one of your blog entries. Like “So I was masturbating this weekend and suddenly I started thinking about JJ’s band The Codes. I came immediately.” You know, something like that. After you publish your post, email thechurning[at]gmail[dot]com to let me know (or just leave a comment here on this post).

And while you’re at it, be our friend on MySpace. All the cool kids are doing it.
(more…)

The worst album covers ever………………..

Recently, my good friend Lil’ Nell decided that she wants to learn to play guitar. The first step, of course is to borrow or buy an entry level instrument. But that in itself is a challenge because she doesn’t have experience playing. So deciding on a guitar will take some research. She emailed me for assistance - here’s our conversation:

Lil’ Nell:
Seeing as how I have no idea what is good and bad in the guitar world and don’t want to spend all of my pocket change on it, can you offer some advice? What’s your opinion of the Silvertone SD ? No rush…

I also have been looking on craigslist and saw a Harmony with case for $100.

JJ:
Harmony and Silvertone are typically been manufactured for department stores, especially the beginner models - so it’s kind of like buying a Sears brand guitar. In other words - they’re crap. (Though if you could find an old 1930’s model, that would be worth tons of cash.)

Beginners need quality guitars or else they’ll get frustrated and quit. By that I mean, a skilled player can make a crappy guitar sound decent through certain finger and picking techniques - a beginner may simply get fed up.

That being said, you can get a really decent beginner level guitar for a pretty good price ($100-200) at a guitar shop instead of a department store. I simply wouldn’t recommend a “generic” type brand. Of course, you could find a decent guitar on Craigslist or at a pawn shop, but without experience it might be hard to determine whether you’ve found a fair deal.

Keep an eye out for Epiphone, Ibanez, or Squier (maybe even low-end Fender models). Those are three brands that are manufactured by major guitar companies, but they’re made overseas so they’re cheaper than the top of the line stuff.

Check out these deals:
Ibanez IJV50 JamPack ~$100

Epiphone DR-100 ~$100

And this is the acoustic my nephew Kevin started with:
Epiphone PR-150~$130

Lil’ Nell:
JJ, Thank you! I really like the Epiphone sunburst. But the Ibanez Jam Pack seems like such a good deal since I have none of the accessories. I was also reading the costumer reviews and most say buy new strings. If I buy the guitar I imagine I would need a bag or stand, picks and…?

I also was noticed the acoustic you have sitting out now; it’s a lot thinner than the other guitar. Is that because it is acoustic/electric?

JJ:
Yeah, that other acoustic I have is an acoustic/electric (and those do tend to be thinner, but not always).

That Jam Pack is definitely a good deal, and the guitar is probably pretty decent quality. The Jam Pack would include everything you need… but if you decide on a guitar without the accessories kit, here’s what else you might need:

Tuner (definitely):
Korg Tuner ~$15
or
Fender Tuner ~$18

Picks (definitely):
Dunlop Tortex Guitar Picks ~$3
This is a very popular brand. They’re the ones I use. For acoustic, I’d recommend thicker picks - like .88mm or 1.0mm

New strings (definitely):
Martin MSP4100 Bronze Light ~$6
There are like 200 brands of bronze or steel acoustic strings. I’d just go with what’s popular. And this particular set is “light” meaning they’ll be a bit easier on the fingers.

Gig bag (probably):
Road Runner Gig Bag ~$30
I’d only buy one if you plan to leave your house with your guitar (which it sounds like you will if you intend to take lessons).

Stand (maybe):
Ace Guitar Stand ~$10
You probably won’t need a stand. You could just leave your guitar in the gig bag or lean it against a wall or chair.

Strap (maybe):
Performance Plus Strap ~$3
You’ll need a strap if you plan to stand while playing. So it might be fun to have one, but not necessary. You could always practice while sitting.

Lil’ Nell:
How much of my decision should be based on look vs. sound?

JJ:
It’s a good idea to pick one that you think looks cool. If you choose a decent brand with good reviews, it’ll sound fine. You want to make sure you actually like the guitar, so you’ll be more interested in picking it up and practicing.

Lil’ Nell:
I also found this at Guitar Center. But I’m not sure about the tuner that’s included.

Epiphone PR-150 Player Pack ~$150

And this one… I know I don’t need an acoustic/electric, I just like the shape:
Ibanez IJAE5BK JamPack ~$200

JJ:
I wouldn’t rule out an acoustic/electric. That Ibanez guitar looks awesome. And I bet it sounds great (based on the reviews). Plus it includes an amp – so you can get a cool blues/rock sound. And of course, you don’t have to plug it in if you just want to play acoustic. Nice find.

If you’re considering acoustic/electric, take a look at this one too. Fender makes quality guitars and this one looks unique:
Fender DGA-1 Guitar Pak ~$240

For advice on sex, drugs, music, movies, alcohol, blogging or anything else I dig, shoot me an email at thechurning_AT_gmail_DOT_com. I’ll either help out or just make fun of you. Either way, I’ll post a link to your website (if you have one).

If you’re in Philly, come check out my band The Codes on December 19th at The Manhattan Room. And if you’re not in Philly, at least be our friend on MySpace.

Here’s more info on next week’s gig:
(more…)

I know you all think JJ’s hot shit, now that his band is taking off. I know this, and yet I can feel your doubt.

“Ev”, you slyly poke, “Can’t you rock?”

Normally, this would be the point that I trot out my old bass, dust it off and play “Mary had a fucking little fucking lamb, you fucks” (I wrote it). You would point and laugh, and I would say something like “Well I’m just learning” and then you would feel bad for hurting my feelings; when clearly I thought I rocked the fuck out. (Really? It’s like listening to 4 year old bang on a pot or pan. And thus, I would be stricken from the Halls of Rock forever.

But all that has changed.

Yes, it’s true. I broke down (after hearing X-Play’s review of the game a 5 out of 5, unheard of!) and bought Guitar Hero 2 and the Guitar Controller. Having never played the original game, and with a pocket full of shame; I started the game.

Let me break all review style on your ass right now!

Firstly, you open the box and there is this mini-guitar with 5 fretboard notes, a strum “bar” and a “whammy bar”. It even comes with custom decals (read: stickers. I love you Rainbow Brite!) to “pimp your axe”. The PS2 version plugs right into the controller slot, so no worries, you just plug tab a into slot b. (That’s what she said, HEYO!)

You’ve got training, career mode, quick play and co-op. And that’s as far as we’re getting with this review styled shit.

It’s anecdotal time, kids. Break out the firehose! In my heart, I want to rock your socks. Now, now, don’t throw your panties just yet. (looking at you, Mojotek and you, Shirley)

One of my favorite songs, of all time, is Danzig’s “Mother”. It just happened to be on the fucking awesome Guitar Hero 2 set list. So, I rock this song out and I’m doing a fiersome thrashing riff, when my wife starts chuckling and giggling. I, clearly vexed with Rockthefuckoutitis, only notice when the song is done (and I widdlywah on the whammy bar). Glistening with rocksweat, I ask her “What’s so funny?”. She replies mid-laugh and says “You’re really into that game, huh?” I had done it. I had become the ultimate loser. I was thrashing out on my fucking playstation videogame.

The game is great, great enough to make cynical, snobby, negative-nancy, Ev actually have a good time and enjoy himself. If it can do that for me, imagine the tasty licks and wicked sweet time you could have.

Also? My left hand hurts worse than that time I watched 87 hours of porno straight.

Thanks to everyone who made the trip to the Knitting Factory in New York to catch The Codes live. The crowd was amazing. We got a great response and the vibe was perfect.

And if you didn’t see the show, you missed out on one of the strangest moments of stage banter I’ve ever witnessed. Halfway through the second song, I broke a guitar string. I grabbed the backup guitar and of course I broke a string on that one too. That was our only backup, so Ian and I were left to share one guitar.

Jay grabbed the backup guitar and started changing the string. That left Ian alone at the mic to entertain the audience sans music. He told the following story:

I was at class today and I was getting really tired. So I got a huge cup of coffee and guzzled it. Before I knew it, I felt a huge shit coming on.

I took off for the bathroom and sat down in the middle stall. I dropped a huge log. That sucker was no joke. I flushed to get rid of the smell, but it wasn’t over yet. Before I finished, someone took a seat in the stall next to me. I looked down at his shoes and thought they were really weird. They had this odd flowery print on them. Then as I was about to get up, someone took the stall to my left. I looked down I noticed - HIGH HEELS!

I was in the women’s bathroom! And the place was packed. A nearby class must have just ended. So I did the only thing I could do… I waited it out. Several minutes went by and after the final set of footsteps went silent, I made a run for it.

I escaped the bathroom without causing any trouble. But I was in there for a while and had plenty of time to think. That experience taught me one thing. When they think they’re alone, women talk about the same sort of things guys talk about: sex, drugs, and partying.

The next song we played was a little rough, because we were still focusing on the guitar situation. But after that, we nailed every song. The set was tight and the audience really seemed to dig it. Check out pics from that show and from our other recent events on our pics page.

If you missed out, don’t fret. We have several show dates coming up. First, we’re playing Tritone in Philly on Nov 22nd. Then we have another Philly gig in December (possibly two). Check out our show dates page or The Codes MySpace page for details.

That’s right. I’m a statistic in the radio ratings game. Arbitron randomly selects people and I guess my name made the list. It’s like the television Nielsen ratings for radio. They’re going to send me two “books” which are like diaries. I mark down what I listen to on the radio every day for a week, then those numbers get added to the ratings.

I realize this doesn’t sound very exciting, but I’m fucking psyched. I’m obsessed with radio. I’ve listened several hours a day for the last decade. It started in 1998 when I worked as a film processor for a professional photo studio in Orlando. I worked in a darkroom by myself 40 hours a week. The only thing that kept me sane was Real Radio 104.1.

Since then, I’ve been an addict. 98 Rock in Tampa, Y101 in Richmond, and now Free FM in Philly. There’s something about radio that an iPod can’t match. It’s live. There are actual people talking into microphones. And now that satellite radio is getting huge, you can listen to uncensored adult conversations (like Opie and Anthony on XM).

So I’ll be filling out my book next month. Keep an eye out as O&A get a tiny bump in Philly.

Unrelated side note: Don’t forget to check out The Codes tonight in New York.

he plays better guitar than ian and writes better lyrics than ian. why did he turn to a slave to ian? (Dance monkey!)

For some reason, I still think the music I loved when I was a high school senior is the best music of all time.  Am I the only one who has this odd distorted view of music history?  I mean, record companies have probably released some amazing albums since 1994, but I can’t help thinking they’re just copying my early 90’s indie rock heroes.  Here’s a list of my top five favorites from that era:

• Sebadoh - Sebadoh III
• Pavement - Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain
• The Mountain Goats - Beautiful Rat Sunset
• The Flaming Lips - Transmissions from the Satellite Heart
• Mercury Rev - Yerself is Steam

(If you’re interested, you can find most of these at buy.com)

Okay, people - I’m back in los Estados Unidos after an insane 11 days in Peru.  I’ll have plenty of pics and stories for you, but until I get a chance to work on that, I have a couple of non-travel updates:

• Today we celebrate the birth of everyone’s favorite emo-artist-freakazoid: Ev!  Happy birthday, fella.
• And I want you all to know that you will soon be able to say “I was into The Codes before they made it big.”  Yep.  My band is starting to get some serious attention.  In a couple of weeks, we’re playing the legendary Knitting Factory in New York!!  The show is Tuesday November 14th.

  Also, if you live in the Philadelphia area - grab a marker, open your calendar to December, and in big bold letters write THE CODES on December 10th.  We’re the featured band at the upcoming Green Gala 2006!

  Before that, we’ll be playing at Tritone in Philly on November 22.  Or if you live too far away to see us live, then at least be our online friend.