When is it okay to punch a kid in the face?
Is it ever acceptable to clench your fist, cock your arm back, and smash a kid right in the jaw? No? What if he's 17, taller than you, and he just stole an old lady's purse then knocked her to the ground? See, I knew I could convince you.
There are plenty of scenarios that could fall into this gray area. Just think of some crazy shit - like a teenage serial killer who took your family hostage. You might be ethically justified in teaching him a lesson.
Hmmm... Is that even legal though? Let's say you see your daughter's 16-year-old asshole boyfriend punch her in the jaw like that dude who socked Snooki. Could you get arrested for punching him back? What if you catch a teenager trying to steal your wallet? Could you face jail time for giving him a black eye?
The thought came to me recently on the way home from work. Center City Philly. It's dark out and I'm walking through a sketchy part of town. I see a group of questionable teenagers roughhousing on in the street. I thought - what if these kids decide to start fucking with me? A lone white guy quietly walking through their neighborhood with no other adults in sight. Truth is, they'd destroy me in a fight. But I could probably manage to land a couple of jabs.
So in that scenario - what happens legally? A group of 15 and 16-year-old boys. A couple of them with black eyes, maybe even one with a broken nose. Then a 34-year-old yuppie beaten to a pulp. Would I face charges?
Okay, that's enough setup. Most of you probably agree there are instances where a kid might deserve an uppercut to the jaw. Now that I've roped you in - consider these situations:
- You're on the bus and you see a kid call an old lady a bitch.
- Two kids walk up to you yelling racial slurs then start pushing you, trying to start something.
- You walk outside late at night and catch a kid reaching the broken glass of your car's window, trying to steal your shit.
- You're walking on the sidewalk, when a car full of teenagers drive by slowly and throw a bag of shit at your face - then they are forced to stop half a block ahead because of traffic.
Punch or no punch? And what's the age limit? For any of the scenarios above? Maybe it's easy to say you'd knock out a 17-year-old thug. But what if he's 16, 15... 14?
What’s the normal technique for peeing in a urinal?
Dearest readers - Welcome to the latest installment in the Am I Normal series here at The Churning. Today's topic is piss. Specifically dude piss. It's disgusting, I know. That's why I'm talking about it.
Women like to joke about dudes having bad aim in the bathroom. And that's somewhat accurate. Go to nearly any public men's room and you'll see piss on the floor below the urinals. And guys clearly have an issue pointing their urine stream accurately in regular toilets too. However, I'm not 100% certain that guys can't aim - I'm thinking maybe they're just aiming for the wrong target. The way I see it, there are 4 standard options:

Guys who go for the Direct Hit are not modest. They don't care about the obvious noise aiming directly for the water creates. This is not a good style for a dude with a weak stream. Everyone can tell he's dripping out like a coffee pot. A braggart who shoots piss with the force of a firehose might choose this method just to let you know he's hung like a Pepsi can. And guys who use this technique don't seem to mind the potential splash-back. Who cares about a couple dozen drops of piss-water on your thighs? No one's going to notice anyway, right?

I'm assuming this is the standard operating procedure urinal engineers had in mind when designing their product. People in Japan seem to agree. Pissing toward the back wall of the urinal appears to divert the stream pretty efficiently toward the small pool of water. Though there's still a slight danger of splash-back. And in this case, it's pure piss bouncing off the back wall of the urinal - not a piss/water mix.

This is the preferred method for dudes with a weak stream. Prostate issues? You're probably dripping down toward the front of the urinal. Otherwise, I don't know why a guy would point his stream so close to his jeans. Too risky.

If a guy thinks he's clever, he might try to aim for the right or left wall of the urinal, sending the pee flow spinning around the back wall. This method could reduce the piss mist. Still, there's a danger you might miss your target and hit the corner of the urinal, sending warm yellow fluid all over the place. This is the preferred technique for creative types who are shy about the sound of their own urine hitting toilet water.
10 Ways to Impress Your Boss
In the typical office, you can get away with a lot of goofing off: frequent coffee breaks, sneaking in a little late, surfing the Internet, etc. And even people who goof off can (and often do) get ahead in their career. But for the sake of argument, let's assume that the advice I'm doling out applies only to those individuals who show up on time, work hard, and care about their job.
You might say to yourself: "I bust my ass every day for this company and no one ever notices." If so, that's your fault. It's up to you to stand out. In this economy it's every man for himself, so you can be damn sure no one's going to help you. Many of these tips might seem like advice on being a better salesperson. And in a way, that's what you need to do. You are not going to get a promotion or receive guaranteed career advancement if you don't sell yourself.
- Get some facetime with the boss
This one is easier than it sounds. Identify a flawed process, come up with an idea for improving that process, then schedule a brief 30-minute meeting with your boss to discuss. If you just aren't that creative, then volunteer to help one of your coworkers who is already making this kind of effort. - Contribute something to the conversation
Whenever you are in a meeting, add something to the discussion. It doesn't have to be mindblowingly impressive. Just something to let everyone know you are participating. This is particularly important when your boss is in the room. - Don't say anything stupid
So now you're contributing. That's great. Just don't overdo it. Don't interrupt when others are speaking, and don't talk too much. And above all, don't say anything that makes you look like a moron. No emotions, no whining, no backtalk! Think before you speak. - Show up early
This one's difficult, I know. You already put in 40 hours like everyone else. Why should you get there early? Because the next guy isn't going to and it's an easy way to make a good impression. Show up 15 minutes early and park close to the building. If 15 minutes isn't early enough to make a difference, try 30 minutes. If your office is small enough, your boss knows what kind of car you drive and will notice. If you work in a big office, make sure to send or reply to an email right when you get there. At least someone will know you were there early. Bosses will know you care and coworkers will think you care more than they do. If you get a promotion, everyone will think you deserve it. - Learn everyone's name and role
Here's where some of the salesmanship really takes over. You want people to like you. Even if you really don't care about them, it will help your career path. Say hello to everyone you see. And say their name. "Good morning, Tom." And then keep moving. You don't want to get caught up bullshitting about the weekend. You're just letting them know that you know who they are. - Laugh, but not too much
This is the next step in getting to know your coworkers. When you're in the kitchen grabbing a cup of coffee, joke around a little. Laugh and have fun. But always cut it short. Any more than a minute or two and you're goofing off. This might sound severe, but think about your boss' perception. the last thing you want is for them to think you're always standing around chatting. And you certainly don't want your coworkers to think you're a tight ass. So laugh - just not too much. - Dress like you give a shit
Even if your office has a relaxed dress code, please do this one thing: Dress better than your peers. The cliche is to dress for the job you want, not the job you have. Great idea, but you don't necessarily have to wear a suit to work for your boss to think you have leadership potential. And you might look like a douchebag if all your peers are wearing jeans. So at least dress nicer than the next guy. Khakis instead of jeans. Tucked in button-up instead of an untucked polo. Maybe not even every day. Just make an effort. - Walk fast and carry something
This might seem duplicitous. So what - it works. Don't slowly stride through the office corridors empty handed. It looks like you're going on break. If you are going to the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee, bring a notepad with you and walk briskly. It'll look like you're headed to a meeting. If someone asks, don't lie. Say you're going to get coffee. Whatever. Most of the time people will simply have the impression that your time is too important for wandering around the office. You have places to be and you don't want to be late. - Send emails during off hours
Think back to my opening statement here. I'm not suggesting you pretend to be a hard worker. Whether it's walking quickly or sending after hours emails, these things only really help you if you are in fact a dedicated worker. When you are starting to wind down at the end of the day and you have a couple more emails to send, you could either stay late or wait until the next morning. Either of those solutions is fine as long as you send the email after the normal closing time or before the normal start time. And if you can send it from home later that evening - even better. I'm not at all suggesting you put off work to make it look like you're busy when you aren't. I'm just saying that if you have a few minutes of work to do at night - do it. - Tell them what you want
So now you're making a good impression. You're an intelligent hard worker who goes above and beyond. That's great, except no one really knows why you are doing all this. Tell someone. Anyone who is above you on the food chain who will listen. Formality is your friend in this case. Schedule a 30 minute meeting with your superior to discuss you career path and your goals. If your company has all this mapped out for you and you are worried that this kind of conversation might be too much, then simply say you are asking for advice. Your boss wants you to succeed. Help them help you.
Medical Myths Debunked
Some people are idiots. And other people are gullible. That's a horrible combination. Someone shares a little knowledge and other people accept it as fact.
"Gee, don't you find it interesting that people only use 10% of their brains?"
"Yeah! That's fascinating. Imagine if we could tap into that other 90% of brain power. The possibilities are endless."
"Exactly. Maybe that's where our psychic power is held. You know - telepathy and shit."
"Right! And the power to move things with your mind. Oh! Or the cure for cancer!"
How about the power to be a complete dope? The British Medical Journal recently debunked that myth along with a couple dozen others. No, you don't have to drink eight 8 ounce glasses of water a day. No, sugar does not make your child hyper. No, you won't gain more weight if you eat dinner really late every day.
11 Life Lessons from The Big Lebowski
Everyone should aspire to be just a little bit more like The Dude. Here are some ways you can get started.
