I would try to compile a comprehensive list of the most memorable moments of 2008, but I'm way too lazy for that. And besides, Time Magazine beat me to it.

Happy New Year!

That reminded me of the classic church sign generator...

and the cassette tape generator...

and of course, who could forget the Einstein chalkboard?

Then there's the Monopoly card generator:

There are a fucking gazillion others. Those are just the first few that came to mind.

I remember seeing one of these with a naked chick where it looked like the text was written across her tits. I can't find the link. I imagine there are a ton of 'adult' sign generators, but the only ones I could find suck donkey balls. Can you assist?

1. Life's Been Good - Joe Walsh
2. Rocky Mountain Way - Joe Walsh
3. Dirty Laundry - Don Henley
4. Boys of Summer - Don Henley
5. Smuggler's Blues - Glenn Frey
6. The End of the Innocence - Don Henley
7. You Belong to the City - Glenn Frey

Picture this: It's the year 2015. Marty McFly has traveled from 1985 to try on some Nike 2015's while checking out Jaws 19 at the Holomax. There he is skating around on his hoverboard, trying as hard as possible not to fuck up the space-time continuum.

Amidst all the futuristic shenanigans, I began to pick up on some inconsistencies.

Here's a brief list:

• No cell phones
  The 2015 version of Marty has a videophone that is projected on what appears to be a VHS quality pull-down screen - but not a cell phone. Marty's daughter (also played by Michael J Fox) has some sort of device on her face at some point. It looks like sunglasses with an small video screen attached. I'm not sure if that is some sort of futuristic communications device or a movie player. Either way - no cell phones.
• Fax machines
  In one scene, Marty's boss fires him during a videophone conversation, and for added emphasis he sends the message via fax. They're using fax machines - in 2015! Note: Marty has at least three fax machines in his home office. Stupid.
• Thermal printers
  That fax machine I was referring to? It still prints on 80's era thermal paper.
• No LCD or plasma TVs
  Marty McFly Jr. watches picture in picture, which is pretty cool I guess. But he does it on a shitty projection screen. No HD, no plasma, no LCD. Fuck that.
• No modern video games
  Marty plays a first-person shooter video game in the 80's cafe. It has a gun attached with a cable to the stand-up console and some sort of 32 bit graphics display. Not an anachronism certainly (it is the 80's cafe after all). However, there are no references anywhere to modern video games.
• No iPods, mp3 players, or even CDs
  While Marty's old-school cassette tape Walkman is a major factor in Part I (1985 and 1955), not one character listens to any type of portable music device in 2015. I guess the iPod becomes passe sometime between 2008 and 2015.
• The Cubs finally win another World Series
  At one point, a holograph display shows a congratulatory billboard for the Cubbies beating Miami in the 2015 World Series. One character implies that this is the first series the Cubs have won in more than 100 years. Oh wait. This is totally accurate. Though 2015 my be too soon.

Feel free to add to the list in the comments section (if you're a giant dork like I am).

Related post: Blaster's an Irrelevant Moron

My first choices tend toward radio friendly alternative (I hate that term). Kevin came up with some real classics like Zeppelin and The Beatles. I'm going to list five of mine. Add yours in the comments if you feel like it.

• Pavement - Crooked Rain Crooked Rain
• The Smiths - Louder Than Bombs
• Modest Mouse - Good News for People Who Love Bad News
• The White Stripes - De Stijl
• The Misfits - Legacy of Brutality

Apparently there's a myth out there that semen acts as a super facial lotion. I would have assumed it's just a bad excuse guys might use to convince their retarded girlfriends to let them jizz on their face. But a couple of die hard journalists know what happens when you "assume". So they decided to put the myth to the test. They smeared goo on their face every day for a month and documented the results. Enjoy.

(Hat tip: MS)

Happy New Year to you and your perversions.

I've started a list of songs related to New Years Day. Add to the list in the comments section if you can think of some more. Maybe this time next year I'll post mp3s so you can download them and make a New Year compilation CD.

• Death Cab For Cutie - The New Year
• The Breeders - New Year
• U2 - New Years Day
• Codeine - New Year's (Seam played a version of this song too - I'm not sure which came first)

Didn't the Scud Mountain Boys have a song called New Years Day? Or maybe it's a lyric in one of their songs?

Thank you for your assistance in this matter.

Best regards,
JJ

• If I wanted to leave my co-worker a quick note, instead of sending an email or an IM, I'd leave a Post-it.
• If I wanted to keep in touch with all my friends, I couldn't just spend a few minutes on MySpace. I'd have to call them and actually talk to them.
• If I wanted to know what movie George Lazenby was in before he was James Bond, I couldn't do a quick search in IMDb. I'd have to ask the movie dork at Blockbuster.
• If I wanted to buy a used guitar, instead of checking Craigslist, I'd thumb through the classified section of the paper.
• If I wrote a funny story and I wanted to share it with my friends, I couldn't post it on a blog. I'd have to print it out a few times and bring it to them.
• If I wanted to know when my favorite bands were heading on tour, I couldn't search Pitchfork. I'd wait for next month's NME.

Okay... That's enough from me... What else?

2. Black Flag - Slip it in

3. Hum - Stars

4. The Only Ones - Another Girl, Another Planet

5. The Exploding Hearts - Modern Kicks

I realize this has been done before, but I think we can do it better. Remember the "What's grosser than gross" game? Stupid kids would try to out-do each other, trying to come up with the most disgusting thing they could imagine. It usually ended with references to boogers and poop. But we're all adults here, and we've all seen far worse than someone eating a booger. Let's try to create a solid list of things that are truly gross. I'll go first. Add to the list in the comments section.

What's grosser than gross?

• When you're buttfucking and you notice a bloody anal wart, so you pick it off with your fingernail, put it in your mouth, and chew on it like a broken-off pencil eraser

Okay. Your turn.