80’s Movies: Which ones stand the test of time?

Breakin' 2 Electric Boogaloo was on TV the other night. I was feeling nostalgic so I gave it a shot. As a kid, I loved this movie. I know it sounds ridiculous now, but back then I was genuinely impressed by the breakdancing scenes and some of the old school rap (it wasn't old school at the time). Trouble is - the movie completely sucks.

I was a goofy white boy who thought I was watching a movie about tough urban street kids. In reality, it's a piece of shit fantasy story about effeminate kids who dress like Olivia Newton John and prance around to awful copycat 80's hip hop. It's a fucking musical. Sure they don't sing, but every five minutes the characters start dancing around for no reason to music only they can hear.

In one awful example, "Turbo" is deep in thought - worrying about how he's going to woo some hot little piece of ass. How does he solve his dilemma? He dances by himself in some sort of kiddy clubhouse and ends up defying gravity by dancing on the walls and ceiling. The scene goes on way too long and makes no sense in the narrative. It's bullshit I tell you!

So clearly this movie does not stand the test of time. 25 years after it was released, this embarrassment of a film stinks like a pile of rotting dogshit. Let's look at a few other examples to see how they stack up. Please feel free to add to the conversation by leaving your comments.

• Back to the Future
  If you know me at all, you know I am a huge BTTF fan. Hate on the sequel all you want, but the original is an American classic. Marty McFly's mom tries to fuck him. Then Marty invents rock n' roll (Chuck Berry stole it from him)! This movie is insanity. In a good way. I'll never get sick of it.
• Beetlejuice
  This movie is a classic. And Tim Burton is a genius. Still, I can't sit through it anymore. It's boring. Maybe it's one of those movies that's only good the first time around, when it's still novel. Lame.
• Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
  Terrible. Keanu was sort of funny when this first came out. Now his character just seems sad. And that other guy is utterly forgettable. On the plus side, George Carlin is in it. Then again, he was also in Jersey Girl.
• The Breakfast Club
  Fucking brilliant. All the major archetypes of high school cliques are represented. It's an ensemble movie that takes place in one afternoon of detention. The result is an hour and a half of dialog about teen angst. Some of it feels very real and timeless - and the parts that feel dated at least bring about a little 80's nostalgia.
• Breakin'
  Piece of shit. Unless you've never heard of breakdancing, you'll hate this movie. If you've lived under a rock the past 25 years, you might think you're learning a bit about urban street dancing. In that case, kill yourself now because you've also missed out on cell phones and the Internet.
• The Dark Crystal
  Ummm... yeah. Maybe your five year old kinds might dig it. Then again, today's fantasy children's movies make this one look like a street corner puppet show.
• Dirty Dancing
  This one's great!.. If you're an ugly chick or a gay dude.
• Ferris Bueller's Day Off
  Finally we've got another good one on the list. This guidebook for mischievous teens still makes me laugh. So many memorable lines and over-the-top moments. Definitely a classic.
• Flight of the Navigator
  Aside from the title, I barely remember this one. Is this the movie with Pee Wee Herman's voice as the spaceship? I think it might be okay. I'm not sure.
• Ghostbusters
  Yes! Goddamn fantastic. The effects probably look ridiculous, but the humor is badass. Bill Murray is a legend, and Rick Moranis unexpectedly steals the show.
• The Goonies
  Why don't they make kids movies like this anymore? The characters curse and play pranks on each other and break countless laws... and in the end they are rewarded for their imagination and curiosity. I'm not fucking around when I say this is one of the best movies ever. Fucking ever.
• Gremlins
  I'm pretty sure this one was never good to begin with. The movie is sort of a clean cut sci-fi horror type thing that centers around some cutesy Ewok looking creatures. The characters explain the "rules" in a werewolf/vampire sense (silver bullet, stake through the heart, etc). In this case, the creatures aren't supposed to get wet, can't be exposed to direct sunlight, and can't eat after midnight or else some crazy shit will happen. All three of these rules are broken in the movie without consequence.* The fucking basis of the entire movie fails because of horrible scriptwriting and planning. Dogshit.
• The Karate Kid
  Sweep the leg, Johnny! Wax on, wax off. I haven't seen this one in a while either, but I'd guess it's still good. So memorable - so much nostalgia. How could you go wrong?
• Princess Bride
  Everyone loves this movie. It was great when it came out and it's still great today. The difference here is that this movie was written and directed to be a classic, not just some summer blockbuster for teens. It's a work of art.
• Revenge of the Nerds
  Oh man I hate to say this... but... This movie sucks a fat one. The tired stereotypes of the nerd and jock and gay dude and pervert have been so overdone since this movie came out that it makes this one look terribly out of date. Though I will admit this movie is more edgy than its modern counterparts. Could a current movie get away with depicting a black gay nerd as a limp-wristed javelin thrower?
• Sixteen Candles
  Another classic. Great soundtrack, decent acting, hilarious storyline. I don't even care that the movie's central character is a teen girl, dudes still find this one funny.
• Weird Science
  How many of these fucking movies have Anthony Michael Hall in them?!? Then again, this one also has Bill Paxton and Robert Downey Jr. Must be okay, right?

*From IMDb "We learn... that they multiply with water. Yet they can still walk around in the snow (frozen water) and drink beer and soft drinks (water based) without any signs of multiplication... Sunlight kills mogwais. Yet, when Billy takes one of the "newborns" to his biology teacher, both the one he brings and the one that spawns off it are sitting in direct sunlight from the window blinds... Mogwai can't eat after midnight, yet it's never established when they can start eating again."