One of the best parts about the game is when you try to convince your opponent that the word you're playing is dirty. I mean, "tits" is a no-brainer. But then you get to "box" and you have to explain that it's a slang term for a vagina. And "seed" is semen. And "shoes" is... well I don't know. Something about a foot fetish maybe.

Here's a screenshot from a recent game between me and my wife. Enjoy.

Oh yeah - and I was holding onto those letters hoping I'd have a place to play "jugs". I failed.

From: Aodhor
Message: For me thisis the time of best fucking time. For that I like to get many beautifull girls allover the world, for a sweet fuck or best fuck.

Thank you, Aodhor. You have officially become a contributor to The Churning. Good luck with all the fucking.

I have a FANTASTIC girlfriend, who will do whatever comes to mind in bed (she’s never said no to anything). I still beat off. I saw a survey report once that said that people (of both genders) having sex frequently actually masturbate more than those who aren’t. It’s like being addicted to coffee. Gotta have that extra cup.

I beat off to stuff that my GF isn’t into or isn’t capable of. I have my fetishes. She caters to a few of fantasies from time to time, but not all of them. It isn’t that she isn’t enough for me, but sometimes the hotness of one particular “whatever” that I’m into - lesbian fisting, or a girl taking three cocks at once, or whatever - just doesn’t line up (sometimes because of my own limitations - it’s hot to see a girl take one in the mouth, twat and ass all at once, but I don’t want ANYone else’s cock in my honey!).

I would rather whack off to porn about that kind of thing than think about that when we are making love, because that is our special time, just her and me. Like, I can love her cooking, but sometimes I want lobster bisque or sushi, and she can’t do either. Same idea. I would not dream of making her feel bad that she is not sushi chef and somehow that makes her cooking “substandard” or anything.

And it porn doesn’t involve cheating. With some cash, I could find some whore to DIRECTLY satisfy whatever thing I’m feeling hot about, but that would be fucking some other woman - a betrayal of my love’s trust - and it would be a massive STD risk. I don’t care what anyone says, but “escorts” (whores) are a fucking disease factory. Most of them already have genital warts, herpes, and several other STDs that are actually curable (if you have a lot of cash) like gonorrhea and syphilis. Fuck that (no pun intended).

I’m sexually happy with my lovely woman, and sexually a little EXTRA-happy with my masturbatory sessions on the side, about 8 lesbians doing each other in the same bed, or pigtail girls fisting each other in latex corsets, or whatever. My honey isn’t into other girls, or fetishwear, or penetration by anything bigger than my cock, and that’s just fine. Meanwhile, G-G porn (for many reasons noted above) and extreme porn are really fucking hot, so the only way I can experience that hotness - explore the not real-life-plausible aspects of my fantasy life - is in my private, lubed-up time, and that’s my business. I don’t ask her what she jills off to when she’s throwin’ down in her alone hours, either. Maybe it’s fantasies of being assfucked by 5 Brad Pitt clones, or tango dancing with Antonio Banderas, or being ravished by a giant hairy Neanderthal beast-man. I dunno. Not my business. And I’m gonna marry this woman.

Just trust, and love, and let live.

If your man spends a LOT of time beating off to porn, and isn’t giving you what you need, then, yes, that is a real problem, and one you should not blame yourself for. Any man passing up real pussy for pretend pussy is either confused (this may be curable; he might simply be having a negative reaction to too-rapid “let’s get serious now” intimacy that he’s afraid of for self-esteem, economic or other reasons) or isn’t really into you (which probably isn’t fixable, no matter what he says - some men can become fixated on a woman emotionally while not being very attracted to them sexually - “mommy complex”, etc.). But don’t confuse such issues with simply *augmenting* real sex with some virtual action on the side; if you’re getting sexed on regular basis, and his monkey-spanking has no effect on that, then just deal with it. Be glad he’s not expecting YOU to suck 2 cocks at once while taking it up the ass, wearing a rubber mask, having another girl suck your clit, and being bent into a pretzel, all to a techno soundtrack. You probably have better things to do, and trying to live up to that fantasy would probably result in serious injury if you’ve not had the kind of practice that porn pros have had.

Just be a LITTLE dirtier in bed, and you’ll almost certainly get great results; ASK him to put a finger in your ass; tell him how big and hot his cock feels inside you. Moan louder. Blow him in the kitchen for no particular reason. Walk around naked all Sunday after your morning shower. Dress a little sexier when you go out. Put your hands down his pants in public when no one’s looking. Rub your titties on him when it seems inappropriate to do so, like when Mom is visiting for the holidays. Sexy shit. Work it. Finger yourself wet then give him a “pussy Sanchez”. You’ve got the power, girls, use it.

The big difference here is sex. Lots and lots of sex.

The main character is a sex addict who works at a colonial theme park (imagine Colonial Williamsburg). The high points - or perhaps low points - involve anal beads, role-play s&m style rape, public restroom sex, and step by step tips for joining mile high club with complete strangers. The narrator is a former med-school student, so he talks about all of these activities in graphic detail. This is a novel that clearly belongs on the high school summer reading list. It's got more valuable info than health class.

There's also the sub-plot that gives the book its name, where the main character intentionally chokes on his food to get attention (and money).

All of this apparently stems from the way the guy was raised. His mother told him all kinds of shit when he was a kid. Some of it seems crazy, and some of it seems like true words of wisdom. Here's an example:

People had been working for so many years to make the world a safe, organized place. Nobody realized how boring it would become. With the whole world property-lined and speed-limited and zoned and taxed and regulated, with everyone tested and registered and addressed and recorded. Nobody had left much room for adventure, except maybe the kind you could buy. On a roller coaster. At a movie. Still, it would always be that kind of faux excitement. You know the dinosaurs aren't going to eat the kids. The test audiences have outvoted any chance of even a major faux disaster. And because there's no possibility of real disaster, real risk, we're left with no chance for real salvation. Real elation. Real excitement. Joy. Discovery. Invention.
The laws that keep us safe, these same laws condemn us to boredom.
Without access to true chaos, we'll never have true peace.
Unless everything can get worse, it won't get any better.

Good shit. Reminds me of my frequent ruminations on good vs. evil. It's what keeps The Churning in motion.

The new lineup really worked for us. The venue was packed and the booker seemed psyched. The audience was into it too - they even chanted for an encore (which we gladly delivered). I'm hoping this leads to gigs at bigger venues. We're trying to play maybe every six weeks instead of a couple times every month. That should give us time to cut an album. Fuck, maybe we'll even plan a tour.

Email us (thecodesmusic AT gmail DOT com) if you want to be included on our retarded spam email that we send every once in a while when we're not feeling lazy. And tell all your friends to add us on MySpace. I mean it. This is mandatory. Or don't. Whatever.

If you're playing with a pussy who wants to argue, you might need to flip a coin from time to time. Say you play the word "bang" and you want to get your ten points for your sexual reference - and your opponent says "Fuck that, you piece of shit. That's not a dirty word." You can say "Suck it, you cunty cockblock. Let's flip a coin, goddammit."

And if you've got a raging hard-on and you happen to be in a board game mood, you should try Strip Scrabble. For every 50 points you earn, your opponent has to take off a piece of clothing. Soon you'll be seeing nips, and you'll have your ballsack flapping in the breeze.

I am no biblical follower of Abraham, and to tell you all the truth I'm proud to have an all natural Johnson. I love my foreskin for many reasons and here are my top five:

5. Accidental Zip-up Protection

4. Added characters for my penis puppetry act. (Hungry baby bird, Eiffel tower and so on) puppetryofthepenis.com

3. All of my girlfriends have been really into it. Some loved to play with it, and others have told me it feels better for them.

2. I can store food in the folds. Get a little hungry, pull it back and enjoy!

1. No lube necessary when I'm hanging out with Jack'lin (I'm talking about Jerkin it here)

I know for a fact that there are a few other rad people with retractable dick heads around here so lets hear what you all have to say.

Any neat stories about the uncut cock?

Any Horror stories?

What do the ladies have to say? Do you prefer one over the other?

I was thinking that gay might be the new black, but I'm pretty sure black is the new black.

Anyway, it's completely culturally acceptable to make fun of homosexuals - like doing a faux-effeminate voice for comedic effect or calling a dude gay if he refuses to drink a shot of whiskey. Not so with religion or race. I don't think you'd get away with calling a guy "jewy" when he leaves a small tip at a restaurant. And you definitely can't use racial slurs in common conversation. But "gay" - no one seems to complain when that word gets thrown around.

Then again, I guess it's still okay to accuse a guy of "throwing like a girl" or being a sissy.

I don't really have a point here. Just an observation.

I sent this information in an email newsletter. If you want to be added to the email list, send an email to thecodesmusic[at]gmail{dot}com with "Subscribe" in the subject line. Don't worry, we'll only send them every month or so. And remember - If you're on the distribution list, it's because we think you're sexy and we want to see you at more of our shows (and by "shows" I mean "make-out parties"). Okay, let's get on with it.

Studio Time - Drexel University
Students from Drexel's Music Production class have invited The Codes to record at MAD Dragon Studios as part of their Music Industry Program. The sessions are scheduled throughout May, and we're hoping to walk away with at least three finished tracks. After a short break for recording, we'll be back on the stage May 22 for one of our biggest shows ever:

Philadelphia, PA - Tuesday, May 22 - The Manhattan Room
This one is going to be insane. We're headlining an incredible lineup that includes three bands from Florida's Post Records. Mumpsy, Dodger, and Sean Moore are stopping in Philly on their East Coast tour. We want to fill the M Room with Codiacs to show these Florida boys what Philly's all about. Check out their magic on MySpace (linked above). These guys really are amazing.

New York, NY - Thursday, May 24 - The Knitting Factory (Old Office)
Next up, we're hitting the road with the Post Records gang. We're joining them at the legendary Knitting Factory with Brooklyn's Unicornicopia. This will be our third time taking the stage at the Knit and for some reason I get the feeling this will be another night of drunken debauchery. Plus, there's a rumor that Natalie Unicornicopia is planning a few surprises.

Philadelphia, PA - Wednesday, May 30 - Grape Street
We're closing out May at Grape Street in Manayunk with Spoons for Adam, Crashbox, and The Arrangements. We're expecting a good turnout for this one - seems like Grape Street always draws a crowd. And the sound system rocks here, so we're planning to cut a live recording at this show. Come out and cheer us on. You might hear your voice on one of the final tracks.

And we already have two weekend shows booked in June, so keep an eye out for the next update.

Later, skaters!
JJ
The Codes