Email Spam: How Far does the Rabbit Hole Go?

I've been getting some really strange email spam lately.  These new emails don't contain the typical product descriptions and hyperlinks surrounded by surreal word combinations written with awful grammar.  Instead, it's just a picture.  That's it.  One jpg.

And the strangest thing is there's no link and no contact info.  If these idiots somehow managed to reach someone with actual interest in the product, there's no possible way for them to get a sale out of it.  I realize the message was sent via email and yes you could try to reply.  But who would waste their time?  And would the email address even work?

Now on to the message...  I'm going to paste it here just as it looked in my inbox, but I'm hiding it after the jump because it's sorta NSFW.  It's tame, but you probably wouldn't want your boss to walk up behind you while you had it up on your screen.

Dear Friend Lets be Friends

Shirley's been getting some strange spam lately and I wanted to jump on the bandwagon. So I figured I should share this fucked up email I got last week.

I'm not even sure it's spam. There's no advertising involved or anything. In fact, don't even bother reading the whole thing. Just skim down to the part where I make fun of it.

From: kimberly_l2006@yahoo.com
Subject: Dear friend lets be friends because friends are like clothes without clothes one is naked

Hello Dear,

I am a 30 year old single by name, Lujan Kimberly, a U.S.A Nationality from the New York City N.Y.C at present living and working here in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. I have brown/red hair, hazel eyes. I am LOOKING FOR A PAL so if that bothers you, sorry. I enjoy spending time with the right person, just getting to know more about them.

Am a cuddle bug. I like to just sit curled up somewhere, not necesarily in front of the T.V., just in your arms. Am an honest, sincere, kind hearted person, who has had a streak of bad luck in love lately.

Am hoping to finally find someone who will take my heart and treat it like it's made of glass. Am tired of being hurt. No more head games, and NO ONE THAT IS MEDICATED!!! No alcoholics either.

So if you think that you might be interested, just let me know. By contacting me through my pravite mail address which is, kimberly_lujan2006@newyork.com .What am looking for? I want a real lover, a coat and tie kind of person, who smells nice, and who would be a good start. I want the kind of person, who meant be so carring than I do.

I have high standards for myself. I'm fiercly loyal to my family and my job. I work with an N.G.O here in Montreal, Quebec, Canada with a recuitment organization. I'm kind, caring, and warm. I love to meet new people. I enjoy traveling and watching comedies. I also love a good romance. I believe first impressions are very important in any courtship.

Am looking for the one, who is ready for a young person like me, who knows what they wants. Am looking for a serious relationship as well. I'm ready to settle down. Also, Am a spiritual person. I attend mass quite frequently.So if you know that you are really intrested dont fail to contact me through my e-mail. kimberly_lujan2006@newyork.com .

Thanks

Sincerely Yours
Lujan Kimberly
Montreal, Quebec, Canada.

Dear Lujan,

Let's start from the top: You're an idiot.

You say you're "a 30 year old single by name, Lujan Kimberly, a U.S.A Nationality from the New York City N.Y.C." That makes no sense whatsoever. You barely speak English - or if you do speak English, you're half-retarded. Either way, you're not from New York City N.Y.C. you repetitive moron.

You say you're "LOOKING FOR A PAL." Well you're doing a great job so far. Everyone knows the best way to make friends is to randomly email total strangers.

You say you just want to be my pal, but you also say you're a "cuddle bug" who wants to "sit curled up" in my arms. Oh shit... Now I get it. You're a fucking cocktease.

Next up... "NO ONE THAT IS MEDICATED!!!" What the fuck is your problem, bitch? Some people need insulin. Others need Prozac. And every once in a while, some people need a little chiba. Then you ruin the whole letter with your next line: "No alcoholics either." Count me out, dummy.

And why did you send this email from kimberly_l2006@yahoo.com when you say your "pravite mail address... is, kimberly_lujan2006@newyork.com?" I'm not even going to call you out on the word "pravite," because the way I see it, that's a perfectly acceptable mistake for a bitchy, mentally challenged cocktease. But why do you have two email addresses? If you want me to reply to a certain email address, then you'd send the email from that address, stupid.

"What am [I] looking for? I want a real lover" Oh great. Here we go again. Another moron who asks herself questions.

"I want the kind of person, who meant be so carring than I do." Nothing I say could sufficiently illustrate how much I hate you and your awful grammar.

"I work with an N.G.O here in Montreal." For their sake, I hope they have top-notch copy editors.

"Am looking for the one, who is ready for a young person like me, who knows what they wants." Perfect. I know exactly what I want: For you to leave me the fuck alone.

Thank you for emailing me, Lujan. You've given me something to do for then next hour or so. I'll be subscribing you to every spam list I can find. Dumbass.

Regards,
JJ