The Churning » video http://www.thechurning.com Another Reason to Hate the Internet Fri, 27 Jan 2012 20:27:06 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Natalie Portman Rap Uncensored http://www.thechurning.com/2009/02/10/natalie-portman-rap-uncensored/ http://www.thechurning.com/2009/02/10/natalie-portman-rap-uncensored/#comments Tue, 10 Feb 2009 13:18:55 +0000 JJ http://www.thechurning.com/?p=1532 Nearly three years ago, Natalie Portman was in an SNL Digital Short where she performed a rap song about fucking dudes and smoking weed. Funny shit. But of course all the good stuff was beeped out. It's NBC after all.

Now the uncensored audio has been released. I think it's on an album by The Lonely Island. They're the guys who create those SNL short films. The song is funny and dirty so I don't imagine it'll be on YouTube for very long. Hollywood lawyers and studio execs hate things that are funny and dirty.

(Hat tip: wwtdd)

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]]> http://www.thechurning.com/2009/02/10/natalie-portman-rap-uncensored/feed/ 0 How to imagine the tenth dimension http://www.thechurning.com/2009/01/24/how-to-imagine-the-tenth-dimension/ http://www.thechurning.com/2009/01/24/how-to-imagine-the-tenth-dimension/#comments Sat, 24 Jan 2009 18:48:49 +0000 JJ http://www.thechurning.com/?p=1494

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]]> http://www.thechurning.com/2009/01/24/how-to-imagine-the-tenth-dimension/feed/ 2 The Halloween Song http://www.thechurning.com/2008/10/31/the-halloween-song/ http://www.thechurning.com/2008/10/31/the-halloween-song/#comments Fri, 31 Oct 2008 18:54:45 +0000 JJ http://www.thechurning.com/?p=1255 Children are delicious. Just ask Stephen Lynch...

Happy Halloween, jerks. And happy FNFO!

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]]> http://www.thechurning.com/2008/10/31/the-halloween-song/feed/ 3 Saved by Zero is a Clusterfuck http://www.thechurning.com/2008/10/29/saved-by-zero-is-a-clusterfuck/ http://www.thechurning.com/2008/10/29/saved-by-zero-is-a-clusterfuck/#comments Thu, 30 Oct 2008 01:46:52 +0000 JJ http://www.thechurning.com/?p=1245 I hate hate hate that fucking Toyota commercial. Every Sunday during NFL games and every commercial break during the MLB World Series I hear "saaaved by zeeerooo! saved by zero - saved by zero!"

I could not possibly hate a commercial more than I hate this one. The song is catchy and completely awful at the same time. I will never buy a Toyota. Ever.

The original song is from The Fixx, an 80's band. It's full of syncopated percussion, synth sounds, tons of reverb, a mulleted singer with a grim face, and vocals that sound almost like a slightly more upbeat version of Joy Division. Totally 80's, but not vomit-inducing.

The song in the commercial, however, is clearly a studio recording by some piece of shit classic rock cover band doing their version of a song that was mediocre to begin with. Imagine a backwoods Florida rock band in black t-shirts, tight acid washed jeans, waterfall mullets, and black Reebok high-tops performing a full set of Foreigner songs. Then out of nowhere they sneak in their version of this clusterfuck by The Fixx. That's how bad this song (and this commercial) is.

Watch at your own risk. If you off yourself after witnessing this atrocity, I will accept no responsibility whatsoever. I warned you.

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]]> http://www.thechurning.com/2008/10/29/saved-by-zero-is-a-clusterfuck/feed/ 3 Will all of this make Jack Benny come back? http://www.thechurning.com/2008/10/21/will-all-of-this-make-jack-benny-come-back/ http://www.thechurning.com/2008/10/21/will-all-of-this-make-jack-benny-come-back/#comments Tue, 21 Oct 2008 13:25:45 +0000 JJ http://www.thechurning.com/?p=1155 Grandma might need a little help getting ready for DTV.

(Thanks to Cupps for recommending this vid)

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]]> http://www.thechurning.com/2008/10/21/will-all-of-this-make-jack-benny-come-back/feed/ 2 Creepy Gay Kid Happy Birthday http://www.thechurning.com/2008/10/03/creepy-gay-kid-happy-birthday/ http://www.thechurning.com/2008/10/03/creepy-gay-kid-happy-birthday/#comments Fri, 03 Oct 2008 12:00:28 +0000 JJ http://www.thechurning.com/?p=1078 Sam from Opie and Anthony isn't gay (supposedly), but he is in love with Bob Kelly.

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]]> http://www.thechurning.com/2008/10/03/creepy-gay-kid-happy-birthday/feed/ 1 The A-Team Opening Narration http://www.thechurning.com/2008/09/04/the-a-team-opening-narration/ http://www.thechurning.com/2008/09/04/the-a-team-opening-narration/#comments Thu, 04 Sep 2008 16:13:55 +0000 JJ http://www.thechurning.com/?p=919 Best TV show opening ever:

"In 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team."

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]]> http://www.thechurning.com/2008/09/04/the-a-team-opening-narration/feed/ 3 Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! http://www.thechurning.com/2008/07/16/tim-and-eric-awesome-show-great-job/ http://www.thechurning.com/2008/07/16/tim-and-eric-awesome-show-great-job/#comments Wed, 16 Jul 2008 14:15:36 +0000 JJ http://www.thechurning.com/2008/07/16/tim-and-eric-awesome-show-great-job/ Thanks to Kev, I have a new addiction: Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!

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]]> http://www.thechurning.com/2008/07/16/tim-and-eric-awesome-show-great-job/feed/ 9 Show Me Your Genitals http://www.thechurning.com/2008/06/17/show-me-your-genitals/ http://www.thechurning.com/2008/06/17/show-me-your-genitals/#comments Tue, 17 Jun 2008 14:44:46 +0000 JJ http://www.thechurning.com/2008/06/17/show-me-your-genitals/ It's possible the whole world has seen this already. But in case you missed it...

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]]> http://www.thechurning.com/2008/06/17/show-me-your-genitals/feed/ 2 Man’s Best Friend Indeed http://www.thechurning.com/2008/06/16/mans-best-friend-indeed/ http://www.thechurning.com/2008/06/16/mans-best-friend-indeed/#comments Mon, 16 Jun 2008 12:57:24 +0000 JJ http://www.thechurning.com/2008/06/16/mans-best-friend-indeed/

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